Where are we guaranteed to get a genuine old school blue collar + straight off a Victorian Christmas card ho ho Fat Santa? The good old USA natch where the modern Christmas was invented and monetised. Problem is Fat Cunt Center was downtown Mid-West Yankland and the Santa Agencies (I kid you not) that recruited from there have had to go World Wide because of the high mortality rate of local fat old wheezing male cunts due to Covid and Trumpish supporter anti-vaxing.
https://www.businessinsider.com/labor-shortage-santas-short-supply-covid-19-fears-christmas-2021-11
Go here and book one or offer your services
http://nationalsantaagency.com/about/
Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke
Dame Keir could nominate Ed Balls. Only thing is, if he does, Ed won’t be able to accompany Sugartits Cooper on the Hammond organ when she does her socially distanced striptease at the labour Secret Xmas Party.
11
If they can turn Anne Boleyn black then they can reinvent a fictional fat old white man into something less “problematic” and more diverse.
13
Morning all, looks like santa has been accosted by the two fat bastards in the previous nomination and drained his spuds
9
Good…I hope it ruins Christmas for all the squalling spoiled brats.
I know the time that I told one obnoxious brat that Santy wouldn’t be coming because I’d run him over in the Hilux on my way back from the Pub. it had a most satisfying effect and quite made my Christmas.
18
You should have told the brat that the puppy Santa was bringing him, died too.
For extra effect. 😀
Morning, Dick.
13
Morning,Jack
Morning,All.
The memory of the way her little face creased up and the tears and wails started still brings a warm glow to my cold heart.
Her parents were fucking furious too…took me fucking ages to get the money for the tree-work that we’d been doing out of them.
21
A man after my own heart, Lord Fidler.
Reminds me of the time, a a teen, I was doing rabbit control on a large private estate near Windermere.
The owners were the local landed Gentry.
The grandchildren were exited, because it was Easter Saturday.
They were going to have an egg hunt on the estate the next day.
Their Nanny ( a horny young local😉), said:
“The Easter bunny is coming, isn’t he children?”
To which I replied:
“Not this year!”, as I pulled an enormous head shot buck from my game bag.
The kids were mortified. The mother found out and said she was “disappointed” with me.
The field sports loving father gave me a bottle of single malt 👍
28
Dick@
This shortage of Father Christmas impersonators?
Would you be willing to in the spirit of goodwill play santa at a charity function?
Its for horses! Know you like horses.
Horses that stutter . Awww.
Think of the joy of the kids as you ‘ho ho ho’
Your kindly eyes twinkling behind the beard!
Id do it myself but suffer incredibly itchy balls,
And cant do 20minutes without giving em a scratch.
And we know someone would complain!!
9
A mention too for the knob ends who put flashing reindeer antlers on their dogs or bits of tinsel around their necks. Good work Dick, I hope you reversed back over him as well, just to be sure.
Morning Fiddler/cunters all.
10
Can’t say I blame them. I certainly wouldn’t want some snotty nosed entitled brat anywhere near me, not because of Covid, but because they’re obnoxious.
As for the woman allegedly ‘ in tears’, put a fat suit on, love ( assuming you need one), and do the job yourself!
11
You’d have to be crazy to do that job in this day and age. Who wants to be nice to horrible, spoilt, entitled little shits and run the risk of being accused of n*ncing them up? Fuck off.
I remember seeing a clip on YouTube of half a dozen Santas having a ruck in the street in New York, I think it was. Fuck knows what they were fighting about but it was great entertainment.
13
That’s probably SantaCon. An annual event in which mostly college kids dress up as Santa or an elf, head into Manhattan and get shitfaced.
2
You’d have to question why a bloke would want a succession of little kids sat on his knee.
Good morning.
13
Morning Jack/all, have you seen “Bad Santa”?
Billy Bob Thornton as his best, ruining every kids’ fun:
https://youtu.be/PW4RI2rGMt8
9
It’s my favourite Christmas film.
Morning, Thomas.
6
Hilarious. Best Xmas film ever.
Morning chaps.
3
St Nicholas has come a long way since saving those three girls from prostitution.
Thought #45…
https://mikesplace2017.wordpress.com/2021/01/17/thought-of-the-day/
5
Good evening Emperor, I saw your boys at The Valley on Tuesday. Would you be terribly offended if I said they were total shite? Well, they were anyway.
Still, 3000+ Tractor Boys on a cold Tuesday night in Londonstabistan is pretty impressive.
5
Not offended.
Depressed.
Resigned.
Bored.
7
Is this a nom about Ian Blackford?
8
No, that’s the Fat Ranter. Not really the same.
4
They cant leave Father Christmas alone can they?
Kindly fat old whitey.
Hes racist, he encourages diabetes, hes a kiddydiddler.
Marxists.🖕
In 5 years time the image of him will look like Mo Farah.
A report found that the vegan mince pies left out by middle class kids went untouched Christmas Eve?
Father Christmas likes proper ones,
Made with suet.
10
Not only an obese racist paèdô, he’s a Capitalist stooge to boot!
Morning Miserable, morning all. 🎄
8
Morning Ruff
Morning all,
At this rate the writings on the wall,
Santa should do the smart thing and start getting kids to sign disclaimers,
And get lawyered up.
Any backchat, cease and desist,
Once hes filed a few million pound slander cases theyll move on to the Easter bunny.
8
I don’t care how fat Santa is so long as he stops tonguing poor old Norwegian men.
10
I slid off Santa’s knee once when a child
It was on purpose, the smell off the cunt would knock a horse
It was probably liquor and BO combined with an uncomfortable feeling underneath me.
The resulting photo was strange , as my back arched on his knee and the cunt gripping me for dear life and would not let go
My other older brothers were to wise as they were never going to sit on Santa preferring to stand
I was finished with Santa after that
Morning all
8
Was it Father Jack?
3
something similar Mickey , but without the collar
2
Modern parents should become strict Jehovahs Witnesses October-February.
Combined with becoming amazon delivery personnel-they can combine the two and save a fortune/make a fortune👍
Another winner from IsAC’s top tips page👍
9
… oh I presumed that the bloated cunt could be some kinda hybrid manwimminzman bitchbloke type creature. There seems to be no shortage of those freaks around these days. In fact we should cancel the fat cunt and introduce transanta and the genetically re-engineered fairyelves. Make the shitfest an annual seasonal purging event … seek em out in their grottos and expunge with extreme prejudice. Televise it … way better than watching the Queen’s speech.
3
And Rudolph should come out of the closet as well , I mean he can’t be the only red nosed reindeer , he will be an inspiration to all red noses everywhere
3
The old bastard should think on.
He’ll soon be replaced as an icon of festive cheer by some greasy Eritrean illegal who delivers burgers and milkshakes on a scooter.
He’s delivering to the family of Dark Keys who all wear Christmas jumpers and live in a 6 bedroom mansion.
It’s true as it’s on every fucking TV station going.
Kill them all Santa.
8
Santa creeps in to children’s bedrooms and loves emptying his swollen sack all over the foot of the little ones beds.
Dirty old git…..
4
I thought that the Santas were just alcoholics and homeless that were rounded up by Department stores to leer at the kiddies. It is certainly why there are still so many round our way. You can even book a ‘Breakfast with Santa/local wino’ for £15 a head.
I am surprised that the Clown Cunt’s Plan B did not have a specific set of guidance around commercial Santas.
Good morning, everyone.
7
Glad Christmas(ish) tidings:
An advert on YouTube, showing a white family😳
Honestly!
A teenager playing video games with her little brother, cut to her opening a letter, offering her a place at university.
Cut to young lad, feeling sad because he misses her.
Then they play games “online” together, on their devices.
An advert for Nintendo Switch*
NO Dark-Keys, Peacfulls or Asians.
I think a little tear just rolled down my cheek😢
*Go woke-go broke: Nintendo obviously know the risk to profits at “Cashmas” time, if they alienate whitey. After all , BLM types do their shopping via “mostly peaceful protest”😉
19
Shortage of Santa’s?? I suppose Santa is pissed off filling in half a dozen DBS forms in……
5
I feel I should defend the Santa’s that volunteer to do it for the kids. Like the friendly ageing fireman Santa that came around my street yesterday riding in the front of the fire truck.
Well apparently there was a Santa there, I lost myself leering at his sexy elf.
They’re going around different neighbourhoods today, just might take the kids over there.
4
Fat weirdly dressed fker who does one days work a year?
But enough of Boris..
Actually, if jellyfish was Santa the entire pantry would be empty, the presents burglarised, the drinks cabinet rifled, her indoors pregnant and a bill in the Christmas stocking.
One of many traditional white figures the enemies of the white race (IE – everyone including half the fkin white race themselves) are determined to remove from history.
Because they hate us and they want us dead.
5