Author Archives: A Cunt Who Cunts Cunts

Shot Bullies

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Forcing shots on you cunts

People (usually annoying female bosses in my experience) who force shots like tequila on you are cunts.

I’m a simple man, with simple tastes. A pint of ale and none of this fancy muck, thank you very much.

However, I sometimes end up in unavoidable situations where some cunt brings over a tray of shots.

“I’m sorry, but everyone must have at least 3. You must and that’s it! I won’t accept no for an answer, tee hee!”

Well, fuck right off. I fucking hate tequila. Or Jaigermaister. Or that fucking lethal absinthe.

Tequila involves sucking on fruit (lime, not a gay) and arranging salt on your hand. I can’t be fucking arsed with that bollocks. Leave me alone, you twats. And it’s fucking rank. And I’ve had supposed ‘high quality’ tequila too.

If someone said, here’s a great sandwich, but you need to balance a pickle on your forearm, quickly eat some peppercorns with the other hand, take a bite of the sandwich then swiftly gobble up the pickle from your other arm; would you bother?

Would you fuck.

No, fuck off with your shots. I don’t like them, never have and you don’t look ‘cool’ doing them. I just think ‘cunts’ when I see people whooping and doing them in pubs.

A drink goes from a glass into my gob. I’m not doing food and condement gmynastics because you want to pretend it’s an episode of ‘Friends’ or ‘Sex in the City’, you fucking twat.

Fuck off.

Nominated by: Cuntybollocks

Not Enjoying the Things In Life Which Bring You Happiness…

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This isn’t a cunting as such, quite the opposite in fact. But hopefully with the permission of the hard working, underpaid and under-appreciated admins (Not sure who they’d be – NA), I would like to put forward a one-off happy cunting. In other words everyday things that make you happy or glad to be alive, or appreciate that life here in the UK isn’t all that bad.

Here’s a few examples:-
Watching reruns of The Good Life and ogling Felicity Kendall’s impeccable arse!
A trip to the local beer garden and enjoying a few drinks with friends on a summer’s evening.
Walking through some of the Lake’s District’s most remote areas and appreciated that this place is really God’s own garden.
Steak & Kidney pie and chips from the local chippy in traditional paper wrapping
German female tourists arriving in their tight-fitting jeans and tops asking for directions while you ogle their “bits”
Pissing all over Porches on my Fireblade at traffic lights
Listening to the musical sounds of the 90s (House, Grunge, Handbag, Thrash
Reading Dick Fiddler’s dreamlike fantasies of trying to entice Gemma Arterton to his mansion in order to take down her particulars.
Listening to Canadian rock band, Rush
Overclocking AMD’s Ryzen Thread Ripper 3990X 64 core 128 thread CPU
Spring and Summer

There’s a few more I have but how about other contributions?

Nominated by: Technocunt

Sadiq Khan [35]

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Can Suckdick get even more cuntish?

Oh yes.

MSN Link.

Pollution and global warming is racist, innit.

”Areas of London with minority ethnic populations of more than 50 per cent are more likely to face the highest climate risk in London, including flooding, exposure to toxic air, heat risk and limited access to green space, analysis from City Hall shows.”

Thus spake the intellectual giant.

Perhaps climate and pollution makes people more stabby as well? That might explain it.

For once, words fucking fail me.

Nominated by: Cuntstable Cuntbubble

Willl Smith [5], Chris Rock [2] and Happy Slapping

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I’m a bit conflicted on this sleb drama. On the one hand, Chris Rock made a tasteless and poor joke about Smith’s wife suffering from alopecia. He was a bit of a cunt for doing this.

On the other hand, whilst accepting his Oscar for best actor, Smith retaliates by violently slapping Rock across the mouth to the astonishment of the the sleb audience. He subsequently breaks down in tears and apologises to the assembled slebs for having to watch his outburst. He does not apologise to Rock.

I understand why Smith acted the way he did. But he should have had it out with Rock man to man behind the scenes. It doesn’t set a good example to America’s youth, many of whom inexplicably idolise this third rate thespian, to see him bitch slapping someone at the Oscars.

Fisticuffs at dawn would have been better for this pair of cunts. It just goes to show that whilst you can take the man out of the ghetto you can’t take the ghetto out of the man.

Shame the compare wasn’t Russel Brand.

https://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2022/03/will-smith-chris-rock-oscars

Nominated by: MMCM

Seconded by Through A Glass, Darkly:

Rock is a massive cunt and so is Smith. Smith is listed on the Epstein flight logs. He and his wife have an open marriage, which means they are “sex people” as Alan Partridge would call them, ie. creepy degenerates. Will is openly bisexual. Imagine being the kids of parents who suck and fuck left and right all over the landscape? Word on the street is that to get his break in the black music industry, Will Smith had to suck Quincy Jones’ cock. This was a right of passage in black music back in the day for certain men. Quincy is the most powerful man in black showbiz, Oprah (closet lesbian) is the most powerful woman.

I’ve also heard that the fracas was staged, wouldn’t surprise me, we are in an age of distractions via “shocking” showbiz incidents. I think we are at the point where a boycott of Hollywood is needed. It’s a cesspool, maybe it always was, but at least we had great movies up until around 2012, now it’s pretty much

Thirded by: Cuntybollocks

The Fresh Prince of No Hair (and Chris Rock)

In case you’ve been on Mars, at this year’s Oscars awards bollocks, Chris ‘i hate n ..ggers’ Rock made an admittedly cruel joke about Will Smith’s wife being a slap head. She has alopecia and she goes on about it a lot, so Rock would almost certainly have known.

Smith then goes full ghetto and slaps Rock in the face. Big eyes and a shout of ‘Take my wife’s name outta your fucking mouth!’ Looked like a punch at first, but he used an open hand (big girl).

First up. If you make a nasty joke like that about some cunt’s wife, you kind of deserve a slap. I’d have probably asked him after the show to step outside and repeat the joke again.

Some say Smith was right to do what he did.

However, Chris Rock is a fucking comedian. Is it now ok to march onto a stage and slap some cunt, just because you find a joke offensive or unfunny? If this was the case, Nish Kumar wouid be beaten to a pulp on a regular basis, the unfunny shithouse.

And I keep seeing comments about Smith’s wife playing the field, Smith being aware of this and he being ok with it. He’s ok with guys fucking his wife (allegedly), but not some twat telling a shite joke about her?

Keep your hair on lad. I’ll sing a song for you.

He got in one little fight
And his mom got scared
She said
You can’t hit Chris Rock cos yo bitch got no hair.

And I will refrain from comments about low impulse control. It was there for all to see.

Fuck off

https://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-60897004

With additional commentary about the slag wife from Mild-Mannered Reporter, Cunt Kent:

I’d just like to add a brief side-cunting to Will Smith’s cunting.
It’s for his wife, Jada Picket Smith herself, who said in 2018 that she was triggered by the sight of blonde hair on white women.
That’s right, cunters – because blonde hair is something black people can only have by paying for it, having it without paying for it is a privilege, and soon anybody who does not dye or shave off their naturally blonde hair will be ‘cancelled’ for being a ‘racist’
Consider yourself warned.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/jada-pinkett-smith-blonde-hair-on-white-women-just-triggers-me_n_5beaa942e4b044bbb1a86fea

The Internet [2]

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For your cuntsideration, the internet.

I happen to think that the digital computer is arguably the greatest invention of all time – so far. This is because of its universality. It is a machine that can do just about anything. Do not be fooled by the shitty software offerings of Mr Gates et al into thinking these things are the scourge of the modern world, enslaving us all. Done right, computers are miraculous. Combining them together in networks magnifies their power enormously.

So you might think that the internet would be one of the greatest, most wondrous inventions of humanity. Er, well, it should be, and could be, but…

Cast your minds back to the early days of the worlwide web, which if memory serves me correct, went live around 1992 (note, the world wide web is not the internet, the internet existed long before the www). Through the 90’s the internet was a vast unexplored new territory like the wild west. It was actually a very different place from today’s internet. There were dark and dangerous corners and literal goldmines and fortunes to be made by the enterprising. Probably the best example of this is Jeff Bezos and Amazon. Cunt though he clearly is, JB had the foresight to set up an online bookstore. Not that he had any particular affection for books but because he realized that books were the perfect thing to sell online because, as the saying goes ‘you don’t judge a book by its cover’. When other cunts like Boo.com were trying to sell shoes etc, which when they turned up and were the wrong size or colour, cunts couldn’t return them, JB realize no one is going to return a book because the dust cover isn’t what they expected. But anyway I digress.

The internet of the 90’s was a wonderful, eclectic, anarchic, edgy, slightly dangerous place. Who can forget the anticipation of jpeg porn downloading slowly over a 56k modem. Those days seem like ancient memories of a lost age.

Today’s internet, faster, slicker that it is with many new technologies collectively known as web 2.0 or whatever version we’re on now is a joyless place. The problem with the original internet was it was too anarchic for the powers that be. It had to be controlled and regulated. This is when the big corporations moved in to dominate it. The likes of Facebook, Google etc effectively balkanized and gentrified the web into a tedious corporate intranet. Yes, there is porn and so on, but even that is corporate controlled porn, not the grass roots porn of the 90’s where the thrill of the hunt was all part of it. Now we’re seeing, creeping, subtle and not so subtle online censorship. We hear politicians openly discussing bans on online anonymity.

So I guess my cunting is not really about the internet but the usual suspect elite cunts who are fucking up a wonderful thing. The world needs a truly decentralized, peer-to-peer system that cannot be censored and controlled.

Nominated by: Berkshire Huntmaster