Are you an unsuccessful brewery party organiser? Do you have no social skills or desirable qualities? Have you got all the compassion of a haemorrhoid? Then you’d probably make a great GP’s receptionist.

I’ve got the pleasure of having a pretty nasty bout of Crohn’s disease, which is a pain in the arse, literally. Not as much of a pain in the arse, though, as dealing with these fuckers.

Getting a doctor’s appointment round my manor is like getting an audience with the Pope. You ring up at 8:29 and some cunt, invariably called Pam or Marjorie, tells you to phone back at 8:30 because the surgery isn’t open. You ring back at 8:31 and said cunt can barely hide the relish in her voice when she says there’s nothing left and you have to ring tomorrow at 8:30 sharp. This is even fucking worse now that, with the magic excuse of Covid, GPs will only deign to speak to you when the Moon is in its seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars.

This morning I rang up after a bloody painful night up Chateau Khazi and the wag on the other end, who sounded like Gollum after 20 Rothman’s, told me to buy some peppermint oil. “How do you know you’re having an flare-up anyway?”. Well, love, I’ve had an arse like the Japanese flag since the John Major days, I probably know my own body better than a fucking carrion crow with a lanyard and hooped earrings.

The fuckers speak to you like you’ve just crawled out of Ann Widdecombe’s dried up old minge, yet they hide behind their fucking ‘zero tolerance’ policy where ‘abuse’ means breathing in a way they don’t like. Cunts.

Nominated by: Gloria Stitz

The Public sector is a parasitic cunt.

Back in 2008 I broke my foot. Sitting on my arse with daytime telly I realised every add was for unpayable loans. I sold my property two weeks before Leeman brothers went belly up. Watching the property shows on daytime telly today its pretty obvious that pen pushing, early retirement public sectors workers have managed to shield themselves from everything including all the fall out from this “pandemic”. Its like just before the Russian revolution but the other way around.

Nominated by: Smug cunt

(Don’t forget, Amazon financially supports BLM – NA)

Covid-19 wealth disparity & rich (unts

Looks like the Chinky Flu has been, literally, a golden opportunity for the richest (unts in the world to become even richer at the expense of poor. Like modern day Robin Hoods in an alternate universe. Robin’ hoods more like.

Covid-19 has cost global workers $3.7 trillion:
https://www.theguardian.com/business/2021/jan/25/covid-19-workers-lost-earnings-ilo-job-losses

Meanwhile the billionaires out there have gained an extra $3.9 trillion:
https://www.businessinsider.com/billionaires-made-39-trillion-during-the-pandemic-coronavirus-vaccines-2021-1?r=US&IR=T

That’s probably enough extra to pay for a worldwide Cover-19 vaccination programme. Will the rich (unts involved consider giving a bit back? If Amazon founder Geoff Bezos behaviour is anything to go by it looks like the answer is an emphatic NO. He’s more concerned with stepping out of the limelight before questions are asked about how he, allegedly, cut back on delivery workers income:
https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/amazon-jeff-bezos-resignation-ftc-b1797000.html?xtor=ES-208-

Jarvis Cocker hit the nail square on with this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCvYUaQXnE8

Nominated by: mikdys

Is there anywhere on earth to escape from this globalized melted cheese horror that harasses you like a stalker?

The first time I heard any reference to one was in an American television program in the 1960s when it was called “pizza pie”.
It has since spread like a plague and you cannot go anywhere without it being shoved in your face in takeaways, bars, cafes, restaurants and “pizzarias”. Even supermarkets sell disgusting frozen versions.

I´ve sampled pizzas all over the world, including in Italy, and with few exceptions have gagged and choked on an indigestible mix of ingredients that have blended as easily as the Israelis and the Palestinians.

One of the reasons for its ubiquity is the massive profit margin it brings. Throw in a few bits of mousetrap cheese, some scraps of leftover tomato and onion, sprinkle any old stuff on it – sardines, anchovies, salami, herbs that have been sitting on the shelf for decades after their expiry date – give it a fancy Italian name and charge a fortune.
Molto grazie sucker!

Nominated by: Mr Polly

Ursula von der Leyen is a cunt, isn’t she?

She was parachuted into the job of EU Commission President for the simple reason that Mutti Merkel wanted rid of her. As Defence Minister of Germany, she was a total failure and was responsible for the German Army having to use broomsticks instead of guns on a NATO training exercise because she failed to procure sufficient guns for them.

Now as President of the EU Commission, she is ultimately responsible for the EU’s disastrous vaccine programme and is blaming everybody other than herself and the EU for this nightmare. The stupid cunt was late in ordering the vaccines and, as the UK is racing ahead of the EUSSR in its vaccination programme, she is resorting to all sorts of nasty shenanigans such as threatening to close the border between Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland, raiding vaccine-manufacturing factories, banning the exports of COVID vaccines to the UK, demanding that vaccines manufactured in the UK by AstraZeneca go to the EU before the UK (even though we ordered them first), and slagging off the UK for approving vaccines before the UK did.

As for the aforementioned broomsticks, this witch should jump on hers and fly off taking the entire EU with her. If she can’t do that I hope that the German Army will practice its goosestepping by stamping her into the ground.

Ursula von der Leyen and the EU – you are a pack of cunts.

Admin – here is a link to Telegraph articles on the bitch: https://www.telegraph.co.uk/ursula-von-der-leyen/

Nominated by: Hard Brexit Cunt