The first tour D’France

A gallic cunting please for the Tour de France.

I enjoy road cycling and especially watching bits of the grand tours. So it is slightly odd to be cunting this race but I find myself getting quite narked at much around the event.

First off, the fucking thing is way, WAAAY too long. A typical stage will consist of 4+ hours of scenic, uneventful cycling and perhaps a mere 15mins total of a breakaway, or someone attacking, or someone falling off their fucking bike, or a protestor throwing a pot of piss at a Team Ineos rider.

Then we have all these fucking annoying ‘unwritten rules’… If the leader stops, everyone should stop and let him catch up; if one person in a team is stronger than the designated leader, he still has to stay behind him; no-one is supposed to race on the last day – I mean for fucks sake, what is this?? Think about F1. If Sebastian Vettel was lying at the side of the road at Silverstone, bleeding to death due to an horrific crash, you can be assured that Lewis Hamilton would carry on fucking driving until told not to and rightly so. The TdF is billed as a supposed race for fucks sake, but too much of the three weeks is a just a procession.

Then, post-tour, you see all the overweight middle-aged cunts get on a bike; some of them even have the front to wear a replica yellow jersey or King of the Mountains jersey. The fucking state of it. Infesting our roads like a peloton of fat middle-managers.

And as for all the raving about British dominance in recent years, I actually find the British riders as appealling as cold vomit:

Bradley Wiggins – the self-styled people’s cunt
Chris Froome – plastic Brit with less personality than a lobotomy outpatient
Geraint Thomas – Welsh simpleton

It’s a shame Robert Millar turned into a cross-dressing weirdo, because the cunt was indeed an excellent cyclist.

Thank fuck it is over for another year. The Tour de Cunt.

Nominated by  The Empire Cunts Back.

A Blairite, strictly-for-charity cunting please for this opportunistic, narcissistic little arsewipe who has decided to turn his beady little eyes away from his wonderful “charity” work, to wag a reproving finger at Brexiteers in general and Boris in particular:-

https://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/1157928/Brexit-news-Boris-Johnson-European-Union-withdrawal-agreement-backstop-David-Miliband

This self obsessed motherfucker has been out of British politics for years now, so why he thinks his self-important waffle is of any relevance defeats me.

It is noticeable that this little creep (who in the accompanying photographs look like he was photographed in the shithouse after inhaling the malodorous pong of his own turds) always sticks his oar in when there is the chance of a comeback – no doubt believes (probably correctly) that some Labour timeserver would give up a very safe seat for him so new NuLabour leader Dame Keir could get him in the top three of a Labour cabinet.

For the many, not the few, no doubt. Fuck off.

Nominated by W. C. Boggs

I cannot understand why anybody would find it necessary, edifying or sensible to march through the streets demonstrating their “pride” in their sexuality – after all we don’t have “Left-handed Pride” or “Chartered Accountant Pride” – two other minority states. That said it is a free country, but not apparently if this shrill Muslim tart had her way:

https://www.standard.co.uk/news/crime/woman-shouts-shame-on-you-at-pride-participant-in-east-london-a4199851.html

Listen to the hysterical old cunt repeating herself like a fucking parrot/

There are so many things wrong with this. The fact that she is virtually in hiding since she is wearing the garb more suited to the Middle East than East London, so her outrage is as anonymous as it is cowardly. There is no way the gobby shortarse could be identified.

Secondly like most of these creatures she is no doubt part of a large family, and I doubt she worries about the sexuality of those who contribute to keep her in benefits for life.

Thirdly, if her and her friends in Birmingham who think it perfectly alright to scream abuse at school gates or in the streets of London or anywhere in Britain, while hiding their faces, because they don’t “approve” of the lifestyle of others then perhaps her and her dirty compatriots should take their stinking garlic infused clobber, their fucking “culture” and themselves off to a country that will not offend them, so they don’t offend the rest of us with their squealing complaints.

I hold no brief for buggers but for how much longer are we going to allow the tail to wag the dog?. It might only be Monday, but she is midget cunt of the week so far. Force smoky bacon crisps down her capacious gob.

Nominated by W. C. Boggs

An environmentally friendly, plastic bag (recyclable) 15p extra cunting please for this increasingly scatty cunt.

Just when you think Ms. Lucas can’t get any more barmy, she comes up with something so fucking crass you just have to wonder what she uses for brains. Her latest idea is that there should be an all-wimmin government of national unity:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-49314840

This will include Superbitch Anna Soubry, tubby slubberguts Emily Thornberry, all teeth and tits Lib Dem leader girl Jo Swinson and a few other pals. The only caveat seems to be you have to be a Remainer and subscribe to the sisterhood.

Horseshit begets horseshit, so this has prompted half caste Clive Lewis M.P. to enquire why Ms. Lucas has not included any “BAME” wimmin on her wishlist. Ms. Lucas has said she would welcome Diane Abbott to the dream team. Well, there is a guarantee of a brains trust and no mistake!

Actually it might not be such a bad idea – Soubry, Thornberry and Lucas all working together – cue a bitch fight within an hour of the first meeting starting. I am just surprised that the half witted, Brighton Pavillion MP Lucas didn’t invite rent-a-gob Jess Phillips along, though being August, perhaps our Jessie is taking part in seaside wet t-shirt contests.

Seriously there is a film here – ‘Carry On Westminster’.

John McDonnell last week, Lucas this week – the new Sid James and Barbara Windsor are here – in Adonis, they already have Kenneth Williams. What a pity Peter Rogers and Gerald Thomas are dead.

Nominated by W. C. Boggs

I’d like to nominate zip wire riders.

They’ll pay a huge sum for an adrenaline rush lasting a few seconds. Probably the same sort who moan about the economy and how they’ve got no money.

The Bournemouth zip wire costs £20 (April to Sept) or £15 at other times. All for a 15 second ride.

What cunts.

Nominated by Mystic Maven