Ahhh. Here we are, first day of our holiday in Gran Canaria. We’re on the beach. The sun is blazing down out of a cloudless azure sky, but my lovely lady and I are cool under a huge fuck off umbrella. Kids splash happily as the warm surf sifts through the shingle. All is peaceful, all is calm. Until…

HE comes tearing into the bay like a demented hornet on his waterborne motor bike, shattering the tranquillity. Fucking Jetski Jimmy. Or Juan, or Jurgen, or whatever the bellend’s name is.

Shit. Beside me, the wife senses my agitation and stirs. Stroking my arm, she says drowsily ‘relax sweetie, you’re on the beach. You have to expect this’. Bah. Fucking rats’ cocks. The poseur’s got the entire bastard ocean, from here to Florida, to ponce about on, but what does he do? He races up and down a hundred yards offshore, making a thorough bastard nuisance of himself. Being an absolute cunt, naturally he’s completely sure that his reluctant audience is as pleased with his performance as he is with himself. Take care, Jimmy. See those big rocks over there? Well we’d hate it if you inadvertently slammed into them and deep sixed it straight down to Davy Jones’ locker, you and your infernal contraption both.

A pox on the makers of jet skis, and a full blown plague on the fucking tosspots that arse about on them.

Cunts, the lot of them.

Nominated by Ron Knee

The RNLI are cunts…

Now, I have always seen our lifeboats service as a very worthy cause and I have always chipped in… However, after discovering that they are blowing three million quid on peaceful wimmins swimming teams (I know, fucking hell) in Bogo Bogo Land and creches in Banglafuckingdesh, they can now fuck right off. What the fuck have these sponging dark ages cunts got to do with lifeboats and the service they provide?! Another British institution now gone to hell and riddled with PC disease.

The cunts will not get a penny more…Fuck them.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7464961/How-3-3million-donations-RNLI-spent-abroad.html

Nominated by Norman

An emergency Man overboard Cunting for the RNLI.

Now I have always had great respect for the people who risk their lives to save others and will always chuck in to the collection boxes if I pass one, but they can fuck right off now.

It now transpires that despite always being short of funds, they are sending money abroad and one of the schemes is to pay for Muslim women in Zanzibar to purchase burkinis, so they can learn to swim without compromising their cultural and religious beliefs:

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/rnli-donations-drowning-lifeboat-charity-a9107886.html

I’m sorry, but whoever is at the helm of the RNLI steering this piss take of a ship, needs casting adrift.

Nominated by Crusty Flaps

A jumbo family, economy sized cunting please for this obese harridan, who fell back on the cheap tactic of evoking the name of fallen MP Jo Cox in the House of Commons yesterday in the theatrical Brexit showdown:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-49833804

Boris rightly described her tirade as “humbug” then a cartload of other MPs leapt aboard the bandwagon, including Amber Dudd and Anna Soubry, two wimmin whose careers are now in their twilight, happy to cadge a few more seconds of airtime in their fifteen minutes of fame.

Clearly this Sherriff woman – a failed product of Weight Watchers, was trying to take attention away from the fact that Steptoe’s “we will decide after the election” has gone down like a ton of shit throughout the country.

There is a by-product to this faux outrage – it has encouraged Mrs. Cox’s anguished husband to crawl his way back on to the stage. The comments about his late wife have left him feeling “slightly sick”.

Join the club, buddy.

Nominated by W. C. Boggs

Just a quick cunting for what used to be a fairly enjoyable programme about the countryside and now appears to be some form of leftard, SJW broadcast about whatever “issue” is PC this week.

Finished up by begging the Proles to give Al Beeba more money by wandering the length and breadth of the country for charidee, which apparently raised about 2 million quid last year. How about just giving 2 million quid from the licence fee scam and fucking the fuck off?

Cunts to a man.
Or someone who identifies as a man.
Fuck off.

Nominated by Kunte Kunty

This is the bloke who took up journalism after his ping pong career fell at the hurdle of the 1000th ranked Chinese player. So why is he a CUNT? He has written an article that blames 9/11 on the CIA being too white:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-49582852

According to Mathew, it is because the CIA is too white (other organisations maybe the same as well) that they failed to spot the actions of the terrorists. Now as far as I was aware, I thought 9/11 was down to Osama BL and some other religious nutters who killed thousands in the name of Allah and their hatred of the freedoms of the western society. I should also add in the strange belief that their corpses once turned to atoms would be welcomed by a shit load of virgins. Unlike Matthew, I am still laying the blame at them and the religion of peace. Not a bunch of ‘white’ people.

Fuck me, is there anything the white person is not responsible for?

Nominated by Cuntsince1066