Cunts who watch some YouTube video and then become fucking experts.

I went to fell a tree in a couple’s garden. Thought that there’d be no drama until I got there and was confronted by the neighbour. He’d obviously watched a couple of tree-cutting videos and was keen to give me the benefit of his wisdom…” An easy enough “fall” he says ” I’d have done it for them myself but don’t have the saw for it”……
” Won’t the electric cord for your Black and Decker reach then?” I innocently enquired. Didn’t stop the gobshite ” I’d use a bore-cut on a leaning tree ” was his next jem..
“Aye well,you’ll know all about boring, I’d guess” I replied. That gave the Cunt pause for thought and before he could fire up again, I fired up the saw and drowned him out. When the tree was down the patronising Cunt even had the gall to say to me “Textbook “fall” that…well done”…Just what I’ve always craved.the approval of some daft Gobshite..” Couldn’t have done it without your advice” I told him ” I’m away for a shite later,any instruction for me on which way to wipe?”….Poor Cunt looked a bit crestfallen at that one,it must have dawned on him that I wasn’t going to encourage his delusions of being a tree- cutter and start talking trade with him. In fact all I seemed to have done was confirm the widely held belief that I’m a bit of a twat.

My problem is that he’d obviously watched a couple of videos and seemed to think that it made him an expert. I was half-tempted to hand him the saw and tell him that here was his big chance,it was only the thought of having to attend the Windbag’s inquest that stopped me.

I admit that I have often watched videos on how to do jobs and then had a go myself…with mixed results,I must admit.However I would not dream of approaching a tradesman doing his job and then start trying to tell him his business.

Fuck Off.

Dick de Pfeffel Foxchaser-Fiddler

John Bercow deserves another ‘ORDER, ORDER’ condescending cunting.

The man has been out of the speakers chair for less than a week and already the poison dwarf is in the media spouting, “Brexit is the worst post ww2 mistake”.

Fuck off Bercunt.

Your reign of bias motion selecting is over. You should now fuck off and fade in to the ether, like Blair, Major, May and any other failed politicunt should have done.

Why is it that even when these fuckers are supposed to be gone, they manage to hang around like a bad smell? They seem worse after the fact, than they were whilst working in the commons.

Nominated by elcuntio

Fuck it! That’s another cunt to add to the wall!

Katie Hill
If you are an old dodderer like me you have heard of Fanny Hill but probably not Katie Hill who has resigned as Democratic Congresswoman for California after admitting to have had a “inappropriate” relationship with a female member of her staff. She also seems to have been swinging both ways and getting a length from another staffer, this time a guy, at the same time.

“It is with a broken heart that today I announce my resignation from Congress. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but I believe it is the best thing for my constituents, my community, and our country,” sobbed Katie who then blamed her husband for all her problems. Incidentally, he was banging the female staff member at the same time as Kiss Me Kate.

Head of the coven Nancy Pelosi, aka Speaker of the House, who represents the shit-filled streets of San Francisco, praised Hill for making “a great contribution as a leader of the Freshman Class” of House Democrats but said “we must ensure a climate of integrity and dignity in the Congress, and in all workplaces.”

Pictures of Hill, showing a tattoo of Nazi Iron Cross and posing naked while smoking a joint and having it off lesbo style, have been published and are out there in cyberspace if you want to see them.

I feel sorry for poor old Bill Clinton who now only has memories of jerking off onto his staff´s dresses to make up for sharing a bed with harridan Hillary. Trump must me laughing his pants off.

Nominated by Mr Polly

Prince Andrew is a Cunt.

He is a rude, obnoxious bore with “friends” in both high and low places. Dodgy Russian businessmen queue up to give him money, while American businessmen offer him 5 star treatment at their “homes” (without him ever realising that they were actually convicted kiddy-diddlers),because he is such good company presumably.

Andrew and Harry are the main reasons why the Royals are becoming so unpopular and if The Queen can’t recognise that fact perhaps it’s time that the old trout finally released her interminable grip on the taxpayer-teat,packed up her grasping extended family and Fucked Off.

Nominated by Dick de Pfeffel Foxchaser-Fiddler

Lidl

Up until recently i’ve never been in one of these places in my life. Partly because I was told they were shit but, mainly, because I know they are a Kraut company and those bastards dropped bombs on my Mum and Dad. Never forgive, never forget.
Anyway, about a month ago one of these cuntholes opened up about 400 yards from me so I have been along to sample their wares, as you would expect.
Firstly, there is no doubt they are cheap, you can’t deny that.
But what do you get for your money? Fucking shit as far as I can see. Their meat, vegetables and fruit are tasteless crap. I can’t forget the “King Prawns” I bought. Zero fucking taste ….. i thought I was chewing on a mouthful of condoms. ( unused ones obviously)
The only things I buy in there now are the stick loaves (which are very good to be fair) and cans of wifebeater which are much cheaper than the Joe Daki shops.
What do we learn from this?
(1) no cunt gives you something for nothing. You get what you pay for.
(2) Never trust the fucking Germans.
(3) That’s it. What more do you want? Fuck off.

Nominated by Freddie the Frog