Today, Wednesday 23 October, I thought I would catch up with the local news before heading off to work.

Now, the local news station that is calendar, is not known for its groundbreaking stories, or cutting edge research, as they don’t like setting foot outside of Leeds, but even those miserable sour faced cunts outdid themselves today.

Item number three in their headline stories was,

‘Sixty three year old Lincolnshire man learns to swim.’

I will watch this, thinks I, what’s the story? Has he witnessed someone drown while being unable to help? Is he going to swim the channel for charity?

No, he has just learned to swim! (Honestly, Google it) he is encouraging others to do the same.

Now I know that not a lot happens in Lincolnshire but fuck me! ‘A man has learned to swim.’

Unless being able to swim is an achievement in Lincolnshire? Maybe he is the only one there who can.

I learned to swim when I was around nine but I don’t remember it being on the telly.

Calendar broadcasts to the largest county in the UK but I doubt if this story would even have got a slot on ‘Craggy Island FM’.

Looking forward to tomorrow’s installment of lazy journalism as I have sent them some interesting stories for their bulletin.

‘Child in Scunthorpe learns to ride bike.’

‘Horse spotted in field in Boston’.

Sit back and wait for the ‘EMMY’ award.

Nominated by The Cunt of Monte Cristo

I’m A Celebrity Cunt is back… What a load of bollocks…

This shite costs millions of pounds to make, lapped up by retarded chav riff raff and featuring “look at me” cunts who would sell their souls to get noticed…and what an array of cunts we have this year.

Chocolate clown, Ian Wright, some tart off NeverEnders, and the fly on top of the dog turd: Caitlyn ‘Brucie Bonus’ Jenner. Fuck me, the circus is in town. What’s the betting that Brucie is going to blub in front of the cameras, being a ‘sensitive woman’ and all that?

Fucking bollocks and a total freak show for narcissists, has beens and abominations.

Nominated by Norman

Rachel McKinnon, competing in the female 35 – 39 sprint category at the Masters Track Cycling World Championships in Manchester, won the title on 19 October. And has set a new world best time for qualifying.

This would be unremarkable except Rachel McKinnon was born a man and transitioned to become a “female”. Any dissenters who dare to suggest that McKinnon has an unfair disadvantage against genetically female competitors are shouted down as transphobic by the liberal left.

Unsurprisingly, McKinnon is Canadian.

Nominated by Sgt Maj Cunt

THE GAYNESS – THE BBC, NHS and M.Ps:-

A limp-wristed cunting please for not only the condition, which is not a lifestyle choice, but which is used as a career move by many, for the 3 “great” institutions which do so much to promote it:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-50126703

Yes, the busy-bodying old wimmin of both genders who squat their raddled arses on the green benches now wish to demand the NHS asks all it’s patients as to whether or not they are homosexual. The fact this might deter some people from coming forward for treatment seems not to cross their lady-like minds, or the fact that many people would not wish to give such information. Just because homosexuality is almost compulsory these days if you are a white male who wishes to be an MP, it is still not quite as common elsewhere.

Of course the BBC love these sort of stories as it ties in with their obsession of employing very unfunny wimmin comedians (in last evenings Wireless 4 “comedy” at 6.30 The Museum of Curiosity – which is a real curates egg of a programme – the woman guest had hardly been introduced before she was telling anyone who might be listening that she has a child with her girl-friend (poor little bastard). This trick has lost it’s shock value since the days when beefy Sargent Major Sandi Toksvig presented the News Quiz for several years and never failed to mention at least once each week she was a lezzie. I bet Lord Hall has a very interesting DVD porn collection.

One of the BBCs great concerns is that homosexual men seem more at risk of anal cancer – do they really need a diagram drawn as to why that might be the case?

There was no doubt a case for greater tolerance in the pre-Wolfenden days when men could go to prison for something they had no control over – I accept sexuality is a born rather than learned condition, but the pendulum long ago swung in the opposite direction, but no doubt this will encourage The Reverend Underpants (Chris Bryant), the Boles creature and Russell-Moyle, Kyle, Streeting and Bradshaw – some very publicity conscious pansy MPs to strut their stuff again to tell us how hard done by they are and demand compulsory ring-piece inspections and insist they are allowed to watch.

Nominated by W. C. Boggs