Don´t read any further if you don´t know that a clue like “gegs (9, 4)” is so easy that you despise the compiler.* Take the advice of one who has been addicted for decades and don´t get started on cryptic crosswords because you will be entering into a masochistic relationship with cryptic compilers who will torture you and lay on the lash like a dominatrix.

Solving cryptics requires a warped mind that does not see “love” but “vole” or “Cameron” but “romance” or “desserts” but “stressed or “Isacunt” but “U saint” (all anagrams). They take you into a world where a “flower” or a “banker” is not a plant or a greedy bastard using your money to enrich himself but to a “river”. An Italian type is “italic”. A hot sounding country is “Chile”. Got it?

* Answer – “scrambled eggs”.

Nominated by Mr Polly

I’m really pissed off with Veganuary and all the up their own arse cunts who are falling for it. Let me tell you why.

Is it perhaps because of the recent stupid court ruling Ethical Veganism carries the same rights as religion and race. So if I call someone a ‘Vegan cunt’ it counts as a hate crime? Well, no.

So is it because I despise the Facebook generation for latching onto yet another Movember or Dry January stupidity because they’re so swayed by Cunts of the Year like Great Thundercunt? No, it’s not that either, even though they deserve a cunting in their own right.

So what is it then, I hear you ask. Well, I’ll tell you…

My better half can’t eat wheat or dairy, so we use oat milk for our non wheat brekkie cereal. Trouble is, all the local supermarkets round here are sold out because the Veganuary cunts have bought it all up. So, these faddish ‘it’s cool to try being a fucking vegan’ cunts with their faux save-the-fucking-planet empty heads are preventing people with genuine medical problems buying the products they need. It might be a lifestyle choice for these cunts but it’s literally life and death for Mrs D.

So to all vegans, but especially Veganuary fad vegans, I say fuck you. You’re a bunch of cunts. And if that now constitutes a hate crime, then fuck the horse you came in on as well.

Nominated by Dioclese

A nom for dating site adverts on TV, please.

These things are shown in every single ad break on most channels, for things like ‘eHarmony’ and such; usually a bloke or bint looking into camera telling us how great the site is and how they found the love of their lives on there (whilst paying £30 a month for the privilege).

What pisses me off about them though is the fact that the bloke usually looks like Brad Pitt had a lovechild with Michaelangelo’s David; and the bint is of an equally gorgeous stature, massive firm knockers, beautiful skin, perfect teeth etc.

Point is there is no way in fuck these people don’t have members of the opposite – or same – sex chucking themselves at them every time they enter a room. How about some reality in these things; six-stone-overweight spotty bloke with greasy rats-tail hair, talking into camera from his mum’s spare room, telling us how he has ADHD and is on the spectrum and as such struggles to attract womenfolk whilst painting his latest Warhammer figurine perhaps?

Nominated by Cuntan the Cuntarian

I am afraid they are all a con and run off the back of white label who share your information across all sites.

Reynhard Sinaga. Bootiful British name!

So here we have an arsehole (no pun intended) who might just have earned himself a place in the Guinness Book of Records, after being convicted of no less than 159 rape offences against males at four separate trials:

https://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/1224561/Reynhard-Sinaga-latest-Manchester-rape-trial-court-case-victims-rapist

It seems that the cunt first arrived on these shores from Indonesia in 2007, on a (you guessed it) student visa. Twelve years later, inexplicably he’s still here, causing distress and havoc. Now he’ll get bed and board at the taxpayer’s expense for at least thirty years.

Never mind cunters. Take comfort in the motto of Suckdick Khunt and remember that ‘diversity is our strength’, and that he might be in for a bit of payback when he’s in the clink. Just remember Reynhard, stand with your back to the wall in the showers, and don’t bend over if you drop the soap.

Nominated by Ron Knee

Reynhard Sinaga: An Indonesian immigrant who it would seem is Britain’s rape record holder, having drugged and anally raped young lads in Manchester City Centre.

Now this lad isnt mentally ill, deranged etc. He studied and got a doctorate, so he’s smart and evil. He lived near my son in Manchester city centre, which is a bit chilling. He preyed on young drunk lads, straight and gay, an equal opportunities predator.

One of my old schoolmate’s son went missing in Manchester. He was a young lad who had gone out for a Christmas drink with friends and had qualified as a teacher; he left a pub and disappeared into thin air. He reappeared a few months later in the canal, as have some other young lads. You might remember it in the news. The police denied that a serial killer was at large in Manchester and the lad had drunkenly fallen in the canal. Thing is, the lad didn’t really drink. One or two at most, and the police left out the fact that the lad had anal injuries.

My mate says his son was murdered, as does the rest of the family. I tend to agree. Maybe the geniuses in Manchester police should dig a bit deeper into this Indonesian rapist.

Nominated by Miserable northern cunt

A thorough, turn of the year cunting please, for this oleaginous old EU cunt who has written a “love letter” to Britain:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-50917624

Where was the love when we were negotiating to leave the corrupt bastards?

This insincere bollocks reminds me of the performance when you try to sign out of notifications from some bastard mail order company who have hold of your email details and send you crap every day. When you use the unsubscribe button you get greeted with “Are you SURE you want to leave” us. You say yes, and they come out with “We are sorry to see you go”.

What the fuckers like this arsehole means is they are sorry they won’t get the opportunity to rip you off again, so you motherfucker Timmermans, we are leaving you, we don’t need or want your love – all you are doing is raising the hopes of Dame Keir who is probably shitting his panties at the thought he might engineer some way to get us to re-register down the road, to the delight of all the Labour pansies and Dominic Grieve and the weak as piss “Tories” like him.

Of course the BBC report this stuff with relish, but my advice to Timmermans is to stick his letter and his love up his arsehole and set fire to it. Cunt.

Nominated by W. C. Boggs