A short, but solid cunting for the financial wizards without whom everyone would probably have more fulfilled and purposeful lives. This is provoked by the news that global stocks and shares have started heading south in a fairly big way, in anticipation of the CD19 epidemic, coming soon to a tourist near you.

It seems that the big and important global organisations, specialising in the acquisition of money by virtue of having lots of money to gamble with, are selling their shares because they fear the negative economic consequences of coronavirus. Thus, and as night follows day, instantly creating those same negative economic consequences.

Still, there’s an opportunity to get in on the bottom of the market, howl for State aid (funny how aid in global crises comes from national taxpayers, not from anything global, innit?) and be at the top of the next Ponzi pyramid.

Shorting pharmaceuticals, buying whoopee cushions….see ya, suckers!

Nominated by Komodo

A Stars and Stripes Forever cunting please, for this elderly fuckwit who is attempting to become U.S. President – if his bowels and bladder can last the distance. Even from this distance the smell of festering excrement is overpowering, looking at those shocking photographs. In any event, “Bernie Sanders” sounds like some fifth rate musician – “Bernie Sanders and his Two Beat Six”. Probably a secret banjo player by the look of him.

It seems that if the doddering old cunt, who appears only to be held upright by his truss and braces wins the Presidency, he might try to force Britain to adopt EU “Laws”:

https://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/1248761/brexit-news-bernie-sanders-boris-johnson-eu-laws-us-trade-deal-spt

It is about time the world and his wife and her Great-Granddad stopped meddling in our affairs, and stopped being in awe of the 4th Reich.

If America wants an old cunt – assuming he manages to last another 4 years – to be their leader, that is up to them, but we do not want, or need a senile old man dictating our future.

Fuck me Bogg’s angry, or sticky space bar

Nominated by W. C. Boggs

How the fuck hasn’t this Cunt been cunted on these hallowed pages before?

He is a Guardian “journalist” propagandist, hates agriculture and Western civilisation in general and today he is creaming himself over St. Greta of Turdbergs rousing speech at the child truancy gathering in Bristol, fawning over her regurgitated new world order spiel that is given for her to read out.

Look George, if you’re so keen on saving the planet, the hot air and shit that comes out of you’re gob might contribute to climate change, so silence from you may help. Also “Apocalypse Cow”, the most blatant piece of New World Order propaganda since the films of the Third Reich…even Goebbels would blush at it.

What a cunt to man and beast he really is!

Nominated by Captain Quimson

Well, this is my first cunting after perusing this site for a year and having some of the best belly laughs I’ve ever experienced.

Ok, so this cunting is for a Polish woman who decided to get her eyeball whites tattooed black, to look like she’s possessed. She’s now slowly going blind in her left eye after losing all of the sight in her right one:

https://rock101fm.iheart.com/content/2020-02-27-woman-goes-blind-after-having-eyes-tattooed-black/

I mean, what the actual fuck? Why would you do that? Your eyes are one of the most delicate organs in the human body and can be damaged very easily. I can’t even bear to extract an eyelash that’s dislodged and fallen into one of my eyes. Quite apart from the fact it must have hurt like fuckery, you’d have to be either insane, or thick as a whale omelette to get this done.

I’m afraid I have zero sympathy for this dopey cunt and the tattoo artist who agreed to do this needs to be fucked up rather badly.

Fuck my old boots…

Nominated by 3D Cunt

My wife and I have been invited to a wedding in mid June. A distant cousin, whom I haven’t seen in donkey’s years, sent me a invite card along with wanting to know a confirmation date.

Quite frankly, I can’t stand these fucking things whether its a wedding, a christening, some cunt’s birthday or anniversary etc. I hate the family gatherings and all the faffing about with the small talk and the strain of putting on a fixed smile for hours on end. Not only that, but it’s the hassle and expense of getting to the venue (in this case Portsmouth, which is about 7 hours and almost 400 miles from where I live in the Lake District). Add to that the expense of a hotel for the night, plus a gift for the happy bastards, followed by the long trek home.

I am now desperately trying to think of a good enough excuse not to go! But the only snag is that there’s an 18th birthday party I’ve been invited too a couple of months later on, which means thinking of an excuse not to go to that as well.

Perhaps its because I’m in my late 50s and I just don’t have the patience or the inclination to bother with these social/family gatherings; all I want is a peaceful life away from all the bollocks. But it really is a pain in the arse trying to think up plausible excuses not to go to these things, but without coming over as a right old miserable cunt.

Nominated by Technocunt