The excruciating talk of teens today. I have to endure it on the bus. I don’t know, but when I was a kid, I am sure we didn’t talk about ‘relationships’ or ‘the environment’ or ‘race’ or personal stuff like a divorce of parents, or even a bereavement (this was on her mobile but we could all hear).

Today one lad was talking about his tics. I had a suspicion he might be putting them on to impress the girl that was with him. It wouldn’t surprise me in this upside down world. But I think they were real. So talk about a personal thing like tics. Talk about a personal thing like divorce. Talk about their ‘race’. Talk about about their ‘sexuality’. Talk about their ‘identity’. These are 13 and 14-year olds. Wow! When I that age the talk was about…well, there wasn’t much talk. Just grabbing someone’s schoolbag, gurning at pedestrians outside (faces at the window) spontaneously attacking one another. In other words, FUCKING ABOUT.

All the teenagers talking serious while the older passengers having a genuine laugh.

What a twisted, fucked up, upside down world we have created. Yes, twisted is the word because the ‘sexuality’ they talk so much about is of course not normal sexuality, but a twisted sexuality. The ‘identity’ they are talking about is a twisted identity. The racism that they talk about has been twisted out of all proportion.

“BUS STOPPING’… Oh, release.

Nominated by Miles Plastic

A preemptive cunting for the Corona virus do gooders. Not the hoards of people who will do good deeds in the background. No, this cunting is for the Millennial cunts who will see this episode as a chance to get their stupid faces on TV and social meedyah. So, prepare for earnest young men with beards and squeaky-voiced posh girls telling us of their daring goodness, because they set up a Whatscunt group.

Guess what, you cunts? The lonely old lady that you never noticed because you never look up from your smartphone will continue to be lonely, because she doesn’t have a smartphone, let alone a Whatscunt account.

So Millenial cunts, stay out of our faces and quietly go about doing good in your neighbourhood – knocking on doors and getting to know that old dear or veteran whom you’ve never noticed. And it’ll be hard because you’ll have to learn knew skills – selflessness, conversation and making eye contact. But you’ll not be heroes. It’s called being a good person.

Finally, as much as we slag off the mud slime community, they’ll be good at this self-help. Not just because they’re close knit and insular, but because the local Inman always has a copy of the Electoral Register….

Nominated by Sgt Maj Cunt

‘Spitting Image’ is a cunt…

The satirical puppet show is to be resurrected on Britbox… Great in its day, but does anyone seriously believe it will be as sharp and as vicious this time round?

As it is on the dreaded Britbox, will it be left leaning sanitised shite like everything else that’s on it? It will only be a matter of time before some wokeflake cunts take offence at a puppet of Saint Greta, or cry ‘racist’ as Stormzy makes an appearance, and I bet Meghan Markle Fucking Ono gets the kid gloves treatment. I suspect it will be Brexit, Boris, Big Don and not much else.

And you can bet your bollocks that the religion of peace will be left well alone. If it isn’t going to be the ‘nobody’s safe and nothing is sacred’ Spitting Image of old, then what is the fucking point?

Nominated by Norman

As from April, the NHS can refuse to treat anyone who they consider to have made a racist, homophobic or sexist remark:

https://news.sky.com/story/nhs-staff-can-refuse-to-treat-racist-or-sexist-patients-under-new-rules-11937175

So if you voted Leave, better not let on, cos it’s a known fact that the 17.4 million potential patients who voted Leave are racists.

If your children have a pet gerbil, best keep it under your hat.

And whatever you do, don’t call the female staff “love” (or something equally offensive), otherwise you’ll find yourself out in the Hospital car park before you can say “Bernard Manning!”

Nominated by Ruff Tuff Creampuff

‘Living my best life’ is a cunt’s catchphrase and so is ‘adulting’.

All of us only have one life (unless anyone is identifying as a cat now,) so there isn’t really such a thing as your ‘best life’. You have shit days and better days. End of.

‘Adulting’ – in other words just behaving like a fucking grown up, which is what you should be doing anyway if you’re over 18, rather than jacking off over the ‘Sonic the Hedgehog’ film, you soft cunts.

Nominated by Harold Steptoe