A green and pleasant land, Elgar optional, cunting please for Ms Yates, head of the UK Travel thingmabob. The reason Ms Yates has boiled my piss is that today she told a Parliamentary committee, made up of the usual fuckwit know-alls, that she would like to see an extra bank holiday this October to help holiday companies to recoup some of the money they lost over Easter and the May bank holidays

Has this daft woman not realised that every day since March 23rd has been a bank holiday for the majority of people (I agree there should be some reward for essential workers – from supermarket workers, bus drivers and refuse collectors as well as the usual suspects in the NHS) but who the fuck would want to spend a day camping in the wet shortening days of October to make up for the beauty and promise of spring.

Pull yourself together you Guardian reading arsewipe.

Nominated by W. C. Boggs

Dodging the Dog Shit and Pavement Crayoning – If it’s not bad enough having to plan your walk with military precision lately e.g sideways walking to avoid some likely lurgy cunt, two metres, two metres, two metres ARHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I now have to glance downwards on the pavement every two steps to make sure I don’t walk in some freshly laid dog egg.

Seems to be even more lately, what the fuck is it with the cunting dog owners? I must admit I am OCD with cleanliness, clean pavements, no litter, no graffiti, no fucking chewing gum. And don’t get me fucking started on the kids crayoning shit on the pavements lately also, if you want to draw, do it in a book you cunts.

Nominated by Bob Frapples

Roger Waters is a cunt.
The ex-Floyd windbag is now moaning about how he is not allowed access to fans In a message via his twitter account, Roger Waters has today complained being denied access to Pink Floyd fans via the band’s website and social media accounts.

Waters starts the five-and-a-half minute video announcement by saying that he “rarely speaks to Pink Floyd fans [directly]” and adds “but that is what I am doing now.”

“David Gilmour thinks I’m irrelevant” claims Waters in another gripe.

Well, isn’t this the same man who used to purposely ignore fan mail of any kind in the 70s and 80s? Didn’t he also gob at a Pink Floyd fan once? And as for his moan about Gilmour? Didn’t Waters think Rick Wright (RIP) was irrelevant? So irrelevant that he sacked him?

Hypocritical old cunt.

Nominated by Norman

… and as Ruff Tuff points out, the cunt left the band 35 years ago

Burglars really are cunts aren’t they, waltzing into people’s homes, pawing through people’s possessions and valuables looking for something to make a few quid off, I was burgled last year by a pair of iron curtain cunts who thought my house was a treasure trove, but they only managed to steal a few crayons of all things, I hadn’t realised I’d been burgled until the next morning, I knew where the cunts were at the time, and I thought about visiting them with my 12 bore, but alas I decided to phone the local cuntstablary, 2 days later PC Creasote waddles round my humble abode, saying we know who it was, but they’re leaving for home so waste of prosecuting, if I had been awoken by said cunts I would probably be typing this at her majesty’s pleasure,

I always say Tony Martin was right, a few cartridges and the criminal future of these cunts would be greatly reduced, but then some cunts would say you should let them go or phone the police for a slap on the wrist and a cuppa. Maybe the mudslimes are on to something, cut the cunts hands off and they won’t be able to grab so much, cunts to man and beast burglars really they are!

Nominated by Captain Quimson

A nomination for what is known as ‘simping’.

To be a simp is generally meant as putting women up on a pedestal, but more specifically it means to lavish them with money, gifts and attention when deep down you know the woman will never even touch you.

Simping is common amongst the Beta-cuck community who succumb to ‘financial domination’ from Vampirella lookalikes, and extends to the hapless gimps buying them macbooks via ‘Wishlists’.
You’ll find this sort of spunking of money on worthless tarts with a suite of personality disorders is defended by millennial, soy-sucking hacks with wispy bumfluff chin hair and hipster specs writing for digital ‘news’ outlets such as Buzzfeed, Gizmodo, Kokatu, Vice or The Mary Sue.

Some of these poor cunts delude themselves into thinking performing moderation for the ‘E-thots’ (cam girls) will get them into their boudoir. and when the ‘model’ reveals she has a boyfriend, the dork who manages her site and her livestreams and all the other techie bollocks feels his heart crumble to nothing, having been strung along – not by the pneumatic client – but by his own pathetic fantasy.

Simping mainly refers to online activities, but I would apply the term to some behaviour in the real world as well, one example is lapdancing clubs.

I don’t understand the appeal; throwing money at women you can’t even touch.

There’s more dignity in visiting a brothel.

Nominated by Cuntamus Prime