Author Archives: A Cunt Who Cunts Cunts

Satellite telly

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’d like to cunt the dumb motherfucker who thought switching off the analogue television signal in favour of an all digital system would be a great idea. Because it fucking wasn’t. In fact, it was the shittest idea in the sad, shitty, history of shite ideas. As I write this, I find myself staring at a blue television screen because the weather is so bad that the satellite dish on the side of my house can’t pick up the signal from the fucking satellite in a geo-stationary orbit above the UK. Yes, I know big words.

Now I’m sure said motherfucker thought making the UK the first country (or should that be cuntry?) in the world to have a completely digital television system would be cool and prestigious, or some bullshit like that. In truth though, the thick fucking cunt forgot that
(a) Most satellite signals don’t like really bad weather, such as heavy rain and thunderstorms, both of which my part of the UK is experiencing. And
(b) Bad weather is a very common occurrence in the UK.

I’m currently considering stealing the dish from the Lithuanian family that live a couple of doors down from me. That fucker’s as big as Jodrell Bank, and I’m pretty sure they’re sat there at this moment watching Tattooine’s got Talent. Seriously, it’s big. In fact, they’re probably the only people in Manchester right now who are watching television. Even if it is a live broadcast from the Curiosity rover on Mars. Frankly, I’m surprised their fucking house hasn’t collapsed from the weight of the thing.

Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw

Boris Johnson [2]

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Boris Johnson is a fat-faced, ugly, bumbling, rich-kid, lazy cunt who needs to be run over by one of his stupid fucking money-wasting buses. Does fuck all for London except show up to cut the ribbon for the cameras and claim all the glory in his personal power-trip of becoming prime minister.

Surrounds himself by people who do all the work and then shows up for the plaudits, usually uttering some totally unfunny drivel to amuse the thick plebs. He has his name added to whatever scheme he’s stealing the glory for, in his usual personal-brand obsessed, cult-of-personality, Boris Boris Boris, power hungry cunt odyssey.

Claims to hate lefties but doesn’t seem to be any different from those cunts and has all the same attributes as a totalitarian, self-obsessed prick. He’s a total fucking cunt and the only people impressed by him are those thick cunts who believe his rhetorical, faux-right-wing, politician-speak, bullshit. Him or Ken? No fucking difference, apart from Kunt Livingstone doesn’t insist on plastering his name on everything. Total CUNT.

Nominated by: MonsieurCnut

Fracking cunts

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Turning over the Southern Shires, fracking is under the Cameron government a largely unregulated, ie a can and will do the fuck it likes, industry. Cuadrilla, the company at it, has one of those made up PR names like Ocado or Haagan Dazs and puffs itself as a caring British Company when it is actually owned by the Yanks and the Aussies. So Bollocks to Balcombe then.

A Stoke standing shoulder to shoulder with cack arsed eco-warriers? Bugger me. Was that an earthquake?

Keep this crude crap yank technology out of the UK. So shrouded in secrecy no one is allowed to know what chemicals are being pumped into the ground or where they end up (hopefully Australia). The dark shadow behind it all is the toxic prisons to missiles yank company Halliburton that brought private enterprise to the Iraq War. You know they care. Fracking Cunts.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

Robert Mugabe [3]

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The corrupt commie cunt learned his trade from Kwame Nkrumah, President for Life (ie dictator) of Ghana. Nkrumah styled himself the African Lenin. What a sweetheart.

Mugabe’s ‘victory’ has been endorced by the African Union – and to be fair it has been exactly the sort of election those democracy loving cunts ranging from Algeria via Libya to Rwanda and Zimbabwe would recognise ie totally corrupt.

Cards were marked when Mugabe started dipping his barnet in the old dictator dye, that flourescent black hair product so favoured by a chain of dead despots including Sadam Hussein, Gadafi and Hitler.

Mugabe was ‘elected’ by tens of thousands of zombie voters. At 89 he’ll soon be a zombie president. First cunt to rule from his coffin?

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

NHS Pox Doctors

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Lowest rung of the NHS shite arsed cesspit breath part qualified quacks from the Indian subcontinent where they bought their diplomas ( MD Calcutta, Failed ).

“Drop trousers. Some Discharge. How often do you toss yourself? Piss in the bottle is’ntit john.”

“Fuck Orf Ghandi. Drink yer own piss! Oi Mahatma! What the fuck is that?”

Fucking pox wallah rams a hooked rod up me horseprong. Recall S&M with the masters at prep school. Excruciating. Sweet youth. Tempus Fugit. Thank God for a classical education. Then still buttoning me flies it’s the heave ho out and the old duck walk home. Cheery winks to the poor sods coming in.

Clap Doctors? Incompetent Pox Wallah Cunts.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke