Mothers in law

mother-in-law

My mother in law is a useless dodering playing for symapthy alcoholic TV hogging old cunt who stashes my booze away when she comes round with her fucking miserable cunt of a dog who marks my carpets with it fucking dirty feet and shits horredous ammounts of brown stinking excrement in my lovely garden.

So I give the four legged cunt a good kick when no ones looking.

“Don’t hang the washing out, I’ll fucking do it!!” I say as she makes a bee line for the washing machine.
Funny how she can work a fucking washing machine, but the shrivelled old grey cunt can’t operate a fucking TV set up and wants me to put on her blue rinse prime time cunt fest that is ‘Downton Abbey’ for fucks sake.

The cunt can’t cook either, “do you want to make dinner?” she asks, then adds “you’re the cook after all”

???? fucking radge old cunt. Fuck off!!

I am going to give in to the urge to push the old windbag down the stairs in the hope she’ll break her fucking neck in the fall thereby stopping her from using any more of my valuable oxygen.

Then the dog goes to the local abbatoir! Arf!

Nominated by: Hurling Dervish

Theresa May

theresamay

No one’s cunted that hideous and ugly multiple Jimmy Choo wearing slap headed syrup wearing cunt Theresa ‘we’re no longer the nasty party’ May anywhere.

She is the most inept and useless entity since John Major.

What purpose does she serve? Fuck all from what I can see. They must have some real hillbilly retards in Maidenhead in Berkshire where she’s the local MP. Fucking dickwads.

Nominated by: Hurling Dervish

Nigel Slater

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Would you eat something he’s out his ‘orrible little pinkies all over?

Thought not.

Probably been fingering his ringpiece beforehand the dirty little fairy.

He’d probably like to shove a courgette flower stuffed with goats cheese and drizzled with honey up your council gritter given half the chance.

Fucking fuck monkey.

Nominated by: Hurling Dervish

Jamiroquai

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I had to really concentrate on the spelling of this goons name because he is an enigma.

A colonic enigma, peculiar to the british psyche whereby thinking that wearing a fucking idiotically stupid looking hat and getting twatted in the face by paparazzi is a cool thing to do. Fucking space cowboy. What a wanker.

In a paralell universe this cunt would have crashed one of his riddiculous sports cars and killed himself outright years ago, but no. God is a cruel bastard and we’ll probably have to put up with some kind of hideous ‘comeback’ tour.

More like ‘cuntback tour’ the fucking poodle’s prick!

Nominated by: Hurling Dervish