Author Archives: A Cunt Who Cunts Cunts

Lord Chris Smith of Finsbury [2]

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Lord Chris Smith of Finsbury, Chairman of the Environment Agency (plus 10 other jobs), proves that old labour luvvie rear ender cunts never die. They just go on to bugger the Great and the Good and trouser vast salaries heading Government Queergos. Thus Chris Smith, former failed labour minister, gay lobby networker, labour peer and mega paid Chairman of the Environment Agency. This camp cunt with a mouth like Captain Pugwash that has evolved through time into the optimum cock sucking instrument is the jasper behind the flooding of this once great nation.

Let me declare me interest. Generations of Stokes have farmed land bordering the River Wye. Beautiful part of the country you may say. Fucking swamp ever since the Enviroment Agency clones decided in secret to dismantle our sea defences and land drainage systems in use since the Bronze Age. Encourage wildlife by turning everything back 3500 years to swamp and marsh (and drown a few foxes and badgers)? Barbour wearing slap head bum boys.

Point is in the Bronze Age there were only about 20,000 tossers. Now there are over 60 million all crapping on the same land mass. We have been killing orf wildlife and draining land to make room ever since.

So came the day this little metrosexual camp cunt with a BBC Presenter speech defect drives up in a fully loaded Range Rover. Was sporting a flat cap and a Barbour jacket with a buggers flap at the back and a built in wanking pocket. Me land down by the river has been designated a twansient wetland. What the fuck? Apparantly this is to create habitwat for the Siberwian Snow Goose and other twansient migwants. Not for Poles or Womanians then. Oh and we must dismantle our dwainage pumps and allow our small stweams and becks to silt up or face massive fines. Any compo for me inconsolable loss? Fuck off John. So sorwy.

Now for years I have employed an old cunt Gollum lookalike with webs on his bollocks to go out in all weathers to wank in the mud and clear me ditches. Almost part of the family. Had to dismiss the old degenerate on the spot and get a new tenant for his cottage. These ministry cunts have no idea the inconvenience they visit upon wurwal communities.

Good news sorted out the feathered fuckers short order. Little shooting party with a brace of Purdeys (shotgun of choice for the sporting aristo you cunts) apiece. Spiked the buckshot with a few Russian nail heads from a spot of Ikea flatpack to make our Siberwian visitors feel at home.

Dreaming of the day I’ll have Lord Smith of Finsbury in me sights. Trouble is he would probably enjoy a spot of buckshot up the arse. Cunt.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

Tim Yeo

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Tim Yeo

Tim Yeo should be Royally Vagina’d. Deselected by his constituency conservative association, he will not be standing in the next general election as the ‘honourable member’ for South Sussex. According to the association, they did this because he was a shit MP. Arrogant, obnoxious, frequently absent from his constituency, preferring to play golf rather than listen to the peasants he was paid to represent.

He’s also possessed of an egotism that even one Anthony Linton Blair is jealous of. He’s also dodgy as hell. He somehow managed to become chairman of the Energy and Climate Change Select Committee, despite having numerous financial interests in the Green sector. So basically, he was deselected because he treated his constituents with contempt and they finally decided to do something about it.

However, according to Yeo, his many shortcomings had nothing to do with the people of the South Sussex Conservative Association telling him to fuck right off. No. According to Timmy, he was kicked out because the homophobic motherfuckers in his constituency disagreed with his views on gay marriage. Apparently, there are a number of gay people in South Sussex, as there are in most areas of the UK. None of them have reported any anti-gay incidents. Which sort of kicks Yeo’s excuse right in the bollocks.

Even at the end, this ridiculous piece of shit chose to slander his local Tory Association, rather than admit that he basically used his position as an MP to make as much money as he could. “It’s not my fault, it’s theirs”.

Typical politician really. And he demonstrates perfectly why modern politicians are so despised by the rest of us.

Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw

The Welsh Language

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F Y CN RD THS Y MST B WLSH

Does this sentence look pathetic to you? Be forever grateful that you hail from a wealthy and fertile land, a land that produces an abundance of goods and services. Be thankful you can afford to trade for such pleasantries and caprices as VOWELS. I have created “Vowels For Wales”, a non-profit NGO primarily dedicated to helping those most wretched of souls. If you have any vowels you don’t really need, please send them in.

Thousands of Welsh owe their miserable lives to the afflictions of their native tongue. They sit in their caves with their sheep and prostrate themselves before their ever so meek twig-and-pebble alters, bedecked as they are with any shiny things they might have found while doing pilgrimages to Tintern Abbey and the Wye Valley, and chant phonetically, in a language even they cannot comprehend.

Some naysayers foment that it’ll never work just giving them vowels. They say we’ll only encourage in them sloth and dependency. They insist the Welsh should be encouraged to avail themselves of their amazing comparative advantage in the production of consonants. They would be far better off trading with prolific vowel suppliers like, maybe, the Hawaiians.

They might be right; It is simple economics I reckon.

Nominated by: Cuddling Aquarians

Feminists

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Feminists are a bunch of oxygen wasting space taking cunts.

If you hate men so fucking much why do most of you look like one? You’re hypocritical Doc Marten wearing rug munching cunts. If you want true equality don’t go running to the old bill when you get a smack in the fucking mush pleading “Oh, but I’m a woman” (who has been bleating on about hating blokes and equality for fuck knows how long.)

Nominated by: Cripplecock

The National Debt

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Deficits by chancellor

We are so fucked. Bond interest is about 0.4% per annum (and about 1.5% for 5 year bonds). If interest rates go up to the level of inflation -about 3%, interest payments will go up 7.5 times, and Britain will default (or start printing money like Zimbabwe).

Meanwhile the Tory cunts want to build some £250 million railway that nobody wants, and that will serve no sensible purpose, for £35 billion (so they can thieve £millions each from taxpayers and put future generations of ordinary people in even more cunt debt).

MPs are cunts – they have sold off all our assets to foreign shylocks (so we pay 3 times more for fuel, water, etc. than countries with mixed economies who have collective ownership of essential utilities), they have borrowed to buy elections (and to thieve for themselves), and they have destroyed and defiled everything that made Britain pleasant and wholesome.

Nominated by: Debtor