Author Archives: A Cunt Who Cunts Cunts

Russell Brand [6]

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I think its about time we started Beatify cunts on this website.

You know the type of people who just can’t help it, you only need to look at them drawing breath and think, ‘this is going to be utter shite…’ A person whom the words ‘utter’ and ‘cunt’ are conjured the instant you see their face or hear their name. A cunt of biblical proportions, so pure and devoted in cuntitude that the very fact they are a cunt is a modern dogma. A modern day apostle.

I am clearly talking about Russell Brand. That fuck mook is now telling cunts stupid enough to follow him to vote Labour, thankfully its after voter registration has closed but still, one has to have a special loathing for turncoat, media whore nonce cunts like this. His cuntitude is practically a religious study in itself. He clearly has a severe and unusual medical problem with his anus, as so much shit just appears to pour forth from his mouth every time it opens.

Arise, Pope Cunt the first!

Nominated by: The Captain

Comedian and activist (ha fucking ha) Russell Brand has said that he regrets getting swept up in party politics ahead of the general election, in a new video on his YouTube Channel the Trews.

Though he “thought he could make a difference” he admits he is “just a bloke with a laptop and a bit of mouth” and had “no influence” on the outcome of the election after backing Ed Miliband in the week leading up to Labour’s polling day collapse.

The outspoken TV personality, who famously told Newsnight presenter Jeremy Paxman he did not vote, reconsidered his position after an interview with the opposition leader last week.

Of course Brand is only saying that because Milliband got shafted… The smelly sack of shit would be full of it if Labour had won… Just a bloke with a laptop and a bit of mouth? Nah, Russell, you are a cunt who thinks it’s all a game… Becuase your ridiculous bank balance and celebrity status means you don’t really give a frig who governs Britain… Just die, Brand, you fucking cunt…

Nominated by: Norman

( I was going to use the Newzoids puppet of Brand as the picture for this post, but it’s hard to improve on the real thing )

Chukka Ummuna

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So you Chukka’d in your hand, you slimy little creep? Good riddance!

But why? Well the official reason is that you don’t want the personal attacks on yourself and family that come with the job. You don’t want the scrutiny and transparency either. Well I say ‘If you can’t stand the heat, then get out of that kitchen’ because if you can’t live with all that it entails then you’re not going to be a lot of use as PM are you?

But is that the real reason Britain’s Barack Obama has pulled his bid? Nothing to do with referring to Londoner’s as ‘trash’ or slagging off ‘jetrosexuals’? Nothing to do with his comments about gangsters being ‘great entrepreneurs’? Nothing to do with him handbagging Mandleson for an endorsement on the Andrew Marr show? Nothing to do with his premature canvassing on election night before the votes were even counted? Nothing to do with him being so left wing that even the unions find him extreme?

No. It’s none of the above. I suspect it’s just because he can’t find 34 Labour MPs willing to sign his nomination paper. I wonder why?

Nominated by: Dioclese

The Koran

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Koran

It seems pretty clear that most of the contributors to this delightful website have very little time for the bizarre totalitarian creed of Islamism. Numerous micro-cocked closet homosexuals like Horner, Choudhury, Rahman (you must be a cunt to be slagged off in The Independent by Yasmin “Muslim Feminist” Alibhai-Brown) and even arch-twat Mohammad have been nominated on these pages.

But I want to go to the source and so I hereby nominate the Koran for a cunting.

I set myself the task of reading this book late last year. I was fucking sick of hearing the black/white discussion of Islam every time some Dalek/fucktard/Islamist/paedophile blew himself up. Guardinazis would scream “Islam is a religion of peace” whilst right-wing nutjobs would foam about how all immigrants should be kicked out. I thought I’d go back to Allah’s own words, as reported by Mo when he wasn’t looking for dates at the local kindergarten.

Muslim types and their fuckwitted friends in the “liberal” media claim the Koran is an inspired work of genius, a beautiful work of art, full of forward-thinking ideas for the good of humanity. The aforementioned foamers claim it’s a terrorist manual. Surely, the truth must lie somewhere in between?

I was kind of expecting something like the Bible – a pseudo-history book with supernatural elements and some half-baked philosophy thrown in. But, fuck me ragged, that is not what I found. The Koran is, to use the immortal words of Comic Book Guy, the. Worst. Book. Ever. Worse than Tolkien, worse even than that twat Shakespeare who has ruined English lessons for so many generations of children in the English-speaking world.

The Koran is complete and utter garbage – incoherent, dull, repetitive. The order makes no sense and the focus of chapters, paragraphs, even fucking sentences changes seemingly at random. I may be dim but I could not find a single unifying theme beyond the constant assurance that Allah is going to punish you if you don’t do exactly what he says, at all fucking times. Allah is the Nelson Muntz of deities – if you don’t follow his rules then he’s going to fuck you up, eternally. Christ, I lost count of the number of descriptions of the fate of unbelievers in the Fire (capital fucking F, ya cunt).

If you don’t believe me, try Sura 66 Al-Tahrim (Prohibition). It’s like that all the fucking way through. But I got through to the end and now I can quote whole sections to the twats over at the Guardian’s website.

Anyone who claims to live their life according to this fucked-up elephant turd of a book is either – 1/ a liar, 2/ someone who hasn’t read it or 3/ a mad fucker who needs professional help (either from a psychiatrist or Flaxen Saxon, I don’t care which).

Oh, and for some cultural diversity a la Guardian, try Judges 19. God is a mad cunt.

Nominated by: Cunt’s Mate Cunt

Dead Pool [19]

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BB-King

* * * * WE HAVE A WINNER! * * * *
Congratulations to Lez who correctly predicted that blues guitar legend, BB King, would be the next dead dude! Here’s a comment from ChasC :

“BB King was a blues legend. Born of the big band era, I was never a great fan of his music but his playing style managed to capture emotion with just the right economy of notes. He never felt the need to show off or fill gaps with unnecessary playing. He inspired Clapton and through him me. The many that have tried to follow him just make you realise how good he really was!”

Well done, Lez. Another fresh face on the winners’ podium.

So the slate has been wiped clean and everyone gets to pick a new ‘dead cunt walking’ as we move on to The Dead Pool 19.

Here’s the rules :

1. Nominate who you think is next on the way out.
You can have a maximum of five cunts each. Leave names in the Comments.

2. You win if your Cunt dies first.
Then the slate is wiped clean and we start again. Of course, you can always be a cunt and steal someone else’s dead cunt candidate from the last Dead Pool.

Any cunt who tries to cheat by nominating the World’s Oldest Man or Woman is a cunt and will be ignored. Any anonymous cunt who can’t be bothered to make up a name for themselves will also be ignored. Oh, and the usual “Our Blog Our Rules” thing applies.

Iggy Azalea

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Iggy-Azalea

First of all I’m not really into ‘urban’ culture and music but since its a fairly big portion of the shite played on radio stations today I’d say this cunt deserves it. If it wasn’t already enough that cunts like Iggy Azalea are taught that it doesn’t matter if you have actual talent or not, as long your arse is half out and make drug references you might be on to a winner.

Bad enough the “idols” you’re kids might look up to can have fake tits and a fake plastic arse, they can now look up to this cunt that completely fakes her identity. Australian born girl that sounds like she’s from the slums of Los Angeles. What a cunt.

Nominated by: Full Blown Cunt