Author Archives: A Cunt Who Cunts Cunts

The New Zealand Sand Fly

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Say hello to one of the biggest little cunts on the planet. A true cunt amongst cunts. The New Zealand Sand Fly is a monumental cunt of cunts!!!

This fucker makes the dreaded Scottish midge look like a fucking pussycat. Insect repellant, head nets, gloves, full body protection and still the little cunt bites you. How do they do it?

And the even better thing about these sods it that you don’t feel them at the time. This bastard specialises in delayed action bites. They start itching about 12 hours later. Antihistamine cream? Don’t make me larf! Their bites spit on your antihistamine cream! And don’t even think about scratching because that just makes them itch even more.

I caught one on the window in our cabin one night. Felt really good squashing the little bastard except that he was full of blood. We weren’t sure whose blood until the next day. Then the itching started.

Yes, he is truly King in the world of blood suckers. Should have been a politician…

Nominated by: Dioclese

Christmas Trees

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Christmas trees are cunts.

With their oohh look at me I’m all green and pretty and smell of pine (Dog piss after two days in my house). They should be left in the ground where they eventually die a horribly protracted death over a century or so. That’ll teach ‘em.

The decoration wearing, off-centre leaning, hoover blocking, end up in my front garden until March, top-of-the-tree fairy wearing bastards. Fuck ‘em!

Nominated by: Fleaboy

( And while we’re in the mood for a bit of festive cheer – like fuck we are! – cock an ear to the latest addition to the ‘Cunt Music’ page courtesy of Fred West. Nice one, Fred! )

Nick Clegg [8]

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Nick Clegg is a gargantuan cunt… He is now moaning about how Gideon Osborne’s latest plans won’t work…

If it wasn’t for Clegg dropping his keks and giving the Conservatives his arse, the twat Osborne (and the rest of them) wouldn’t be in a position to make any such plans…

Clegg still believes he (and the disgusting Lib Dems) are still a political party in their own right… The little fucker got into bed with the Tories just so he could be Deputy Prime Minister for a bit…

Any integrity and standing the Lib Dems had (not that they had much anyway!) is shot to fuck, and Clegg is a collaborating, self serving, deluded little cunt…

Nominated by: Norman

Cilla Black [2]

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Reports of scarse scrubber and Livverpoool luvvy Cilla Black being completely deaf. Explains much. Add to that completely tone deaf. Never found our Cilla a lorra lorra laffs. Back in her heyday me old mellow valve wireless could never do much with her excoriating upper register. Bugger knows how the old cow has managed to build a vastly lucrative career on a two note range, one sharp and one flat, while almost single handedly destroying any fond memories of the Livverpoool sound.

Only saving grace is she is now too knackered to appear ont telly any more with those crap Livverpoool lafia alleged comedians like Jimmy Tarbuck who are now mostly dead or awaiting a trial date for having been caught with a hand oop ar kids arse. Little home remedy tip. If afflicted by a build up orf ear wax try playing “You’re my World” full blast. That’ll clear it.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

Dave the Internet Troll

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I do apologise for our David’s behaviour. He really is an utter cunt. Takes after his father unfortunately.

David’s never been the sharpest tool in the shed. He’s always been what you would call a “problem child” very rude and disobedient from a very young age with a very strange obsession with disabled toilets. He’s never sparkled in the love department either having only one boyfriend as far as I can remember. That was a disaster as well. I remember the first time he brought Benjamin home and they went straight to David’s room. I could over hear their love talk quite clearly. Benjamin said “ooh Davy, I want you to show me something 8″ long, rock hard and full of spunk !

So Dave pulled a sock out from under his bed. It had been there for fucking months, I should know, its me what has to change his soiled sheets every week.

Nominated by: Dave’s Mum