Author Archives: A Cunt Who Cunts Cunts

Michael Heseltine (4)

Posted on by

It seems that Charlton Hessletine has driven his chariot into the brexit arena, and has declared that Brexit will never happen, and that we will remain. He predicts that Members of the House of ill Repute have no stomach for such an arduous task such as managing a country, and would far prefer if someone else would do it for them. Hesselslime also predicts that we will eventually replace the pound with the Euro, and within a generation or so, we will all be happily little eurodumbs.

Sadly, following the capitulation of that most useless piece of shit Treason May, he could well be right.

More painful cuts to welfare, NHS and Public Services, a further tightening of the belt ( because we need to be prudent ) yet we can shell out fucking billions to the Slimeshits of the EU.

There is only one change that is required now, the change that can be purchased with a full metal jacket!

May is a cunt, and Hesselslime is the condom for Barmy Barnier’s cock.

Nominated by asimplearsehole

Compensation

Posted on by

Still no fucking cheque from the Greenfell Tower compensation fund. You’d think my badly written, rude demand written on the back of a KFC container claiming for the Porsche that I was garaging in the spare bedroom would at least be dealt with.

I need a car to get to my job… Oh fuck, I’ve just realised..A JOB…how ridiculous. No wonder they saw through me.

No matter. They haven’t heard the last from this Mr Rastus Goodwill Umbongo! I’m still owed for 3 wives, 17 kids, 3 tellies, 12 mobile phones (drug business) and a leather pouffe.

Nominated by Dick Fiddler

Dead Pool [71]

Posted on by

Congratulations to Shaun who correctly predicted that “Long-haired Scouse git” Tony Booth would be the next deadpool hit. We’ve missed a few big names recently, so it’s very satisfying that we score two within a matter of hours. Now the slate is wiped clean and we move on to Dead Pool 71.

Here are the rules (pay special attention to the first one):

1. Nominate who you think is the next cunt on the way out. You can have up to five choices. List your nominations in the comments of this post. It’s the current Dead Pool. Comments not in this post (e.g. in the previous one or other posts) will be ignored!

2. You win if your Cunt dies first.
Then the slate is wiped clean and we start again. Of course, you can always be a really annoying cunt and steal someone else’s dead cunt candidate from the previous pool (like Black and White Cunt frequently does).

Any cunt who tries to cheat by nominating the World’s Oldest Man or Woman is a cunt and will be ignored. Any anonymous cunt who can’t be bothered to make up a name for themselves will also be ignored. Oh, and the usual “Our Blog Our Rules” thing applies.

Nominations are now open on this post only. AND BEFORE YOU NOMINATE, FUCKING READ THE EXISTING NOMS TO CHECK THAT NONE OF YOUR PICKS HAVE BEEN TAKEN ALREADY! Good luck.

Fred West’s Nominations:

Clive James
Leslie Phillips
George A. Cooper
Denis Norden
Tony Britton

 

Horses on the highway

Posted on by


Cyclists are eternally cuntable, no argument. but today, attempting to get to a pub to meet mates, [ a worthy and eminently crucial mission],I and many others were behind a fucking great pantechnicon marked with the terrible word – “Horses”.

This piece of automotive shit was being driven by a pea-brained four-eyed short-arse tart who thought 14 mph was appropriate in a country lane and stopping every time a small car easily passed by, was necessary.

I fucking hate horses and the fat arsed bints who lollop along on them as if it was some kind of fun to hold up traffic. Apart from getting a battered minge and even bigger arse chops ,what the fuck is fun about that?

Horses have the smallest brain relative to their size than almost any other being [Glaswegians excepted] and are too stupid to move away from a fire which still makes them fucking geniuses compared to the dim-witted plonkers that sit on them as if they are somehow doing something worthy.

Nominated by trouserbulge

Michael O’Leary [3]

Posted on by


A cunting is surely deserved for shitcunt extraordinaire Michael O’Leary, the penny-pinching bastard behind Ryanair.

This fucker is the Mike Ashley of the skies. A mad little shit of a leprechaun, repeatedly sitting on his shit-throne screeching “me gold, me gold”, the cunt has managed to make airlines yet another capitalist race to the bottom, by offering the shittest possible flying experience for a pittance. This cunt has exactly zero ethics outside of the balance sheet; and it only amazes me that it has taken this long for his truly shitty brand of air travel to monumentally fuck up his customer’s en masse.

The tier of cunt who is universally despised, transcending class, political leanings and nationality, we can only hope that a stray engine falls off one of his crappy stock, plummeting down into his Leinster mansion and mangling the scrawny cunt into a veritable mess of blood, broken bones and shite.

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back

O’Leary is one megacunt. So he has to cancel something like 50 flights a day for six weeks, that’s 2100 fucking flights if my maths are correct and the cunt comes out and says it’s due to a balls up with pilot holiday rotas, what a complete load of bollocks. Fuck me have they allowed all the pilots to take the same fucking holidays? Now he’s been made to look an even bigger cunt by finally admitting they have a pilot shortage, the real reason for the cancellations. What an absolute PR fuckup, and by the person in charge. He couldn’t organise a pissup in the Guinness factory, the twat.

Nominated by Lord Swinging Balls