I would like to give a cunting to self service checkouts.
I hate using these things and avoid them like the plague wherever possible. However, when I’m in a rush and out of 20 human checkouts, only two are open with half of humanity queueing for them, I cave in.
Oh what joy, as you shuffle your stuff from the basket, scan it and attempt to put it in those paper thin plastic bags. Bing, off goes that woman’s voice telling you there is an unexpected item in the miniscule bagging area. You mean my shopping you silly cunt? Now, I must wait for a real person to unblock the machine before carrying on. Next, the scanner doesn’t read the bar code despite numerous attempts. Argghhhh…and on it goes. Then, ‘Did you bring your own bags?’ No….’How many did you use?’ Eventually when it is time to pay – the only bit they really care about – the machine decides it doesn’t want feeding with my crumpled 20 pound note. Finally, I give up with using the readies and instead insert my flexible friend. Ahhh…finished.
Not only are supermarkets infested with these machines, even McDonald’s has got in on the act. Tap away at a screen to place your order and pay by plastic. Gone are the days of being greeted by “Would you like extra cholesterol with your fries?” or “How about diabetes with your bucket of Coke, sir?” from a human staff member.
Now the machines are taking over Terminator style. Do these businesses give us a discount for doing their work, reducing their wage bill and increasing their profits? Not a chance. They just lengthen the dole queue, laying off humans, for the taxpayer to pick up the tab.
Since, we the customers, have nothing better to do with our time, perhaps they would like us to unload a delivery truck or two on the way in, stack a few shelves as we wander around and tie a broom to our arses and sweep up as we leave.
Every little helps. Have a nice day. You cunts.
Nominated by Mike Oxard.
Sunderland born and bread and proud we were the first to say ‘sod off!’ to the EU! I believe the cry babies down south are deliberately causing problems to punish the rest of the country who didn’t vote the South’s way! The north/South divide is alive and kicking, Dimbleby was obviously a remainer, time he retired, he confuses his words.
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I’m from London and literally EVERYONE I know voted to leave the forth reich and has said that if it’s blocked we’ll hit the streets and hang the cunts.
It’s not a north south thing it’s the cunting metropolitan “elites” (as they love calling themselves) that are the problem.
Trust me harry, we fuckin hate the reich and these stuck up lefty cunts just as much as you mate.
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100% with you DTS. I have never marched on anything before but would on this.
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Listen I’m a Londoner born and bred and I’ve hated the fucking EU and all it stands for all my life. There are plenty like me, down here who see right through these bastards, trust me. Remember it’s going to be us cunts out on the street with the bricks and the petrol bombs storming down Regent Street, burning down Harrods and pulling down the statues in Whitehall. I hope you are going to jump on a train and help us out you rude cunt.
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I live in the old folks home known as Bognor Regis or as we call it Bognorvich owing to the large number of the Eastern European cunts who live here. All I know is I voted out as did the area as a whole, I’m up for fucking the government right off if Brexit doesn’t go ahead especially that bunch of old out of touch money grabbing slugs in the House of Lords. Be happy to mobilise some real militants to get the ball rolling and march on Downing Street . I may live in the sunny south but I’m not a southern softy and if Brexit doesn’t go through I’ll be there with anyone from anywhere in the uk 🇬🇧 who wants to stand up for our rights . As Cromwell famously said ” in the name of god,go!”
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Wish we had old Ollie now to sort out all these cunts…. One of the few men with a pair of balls in the history of British politics…
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I’m down South I voted Leave so don’t dismiss us all just because London is peppered with craven, lefty Eunuchs. There’s no such thing as a soft or light Brexit âž– just Brexit. I hope it doesn’t come to hitting the streets but by Jove we will if we don’t get what we voted. I’ll personally be chucking petrol on the smarmy, sanctimonious, Guardian-reading cunts’ houses and flicking my lighter.
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Question time is a cunt
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As they said on Time Trumpet, the first one to speak on Question Time is an arsehole.
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Especially Dimbleby.
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Should be re-named cunt time
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Thought it was. At least it is in my house.
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Ok. I got back earlier today and swung by the 24hr Tesco again.
Actually it’s now an 11hr Tesco 7am-12am. News to me – I’d have been livid if I’d got there after 12am and the cunt had been shut!
This was 11.15pm – so hardly near the 12am deadline – when I got: “SHUT AT 12!” from some surly faux-security cunt guarding the hand baskets. I bet they were all away by 11.50pm. Lazy cunts!
Anyway – as per – no “real person” tills on. So answer me this: when it’s late, folk are more likely to be popping in for a few beers than they are to do a weekly shop (especially as all the fresh stuff hasn’t been put out yet as it’s still in fucking cages – and what’s left is rank), so why have a fucking foetus as the assistant on the self-service tills when they have to get some other cunt to come over (from wherever) to authorise a few beers or bottle of wine?
Fucking idiots! If they had IQ tests they’d probably get rebates!
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Deploythesausage
I feel sorry for you, in the muted majority! I don’t no how you cope, you must be even angrier and a grumpy as me. Good luck and fight your corner!
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Freddie the frog
I’m seeing the South in a different way, blame the media as they are telling us everyone in London is angry with the rest of the UK, reading your words reassures me, sorry for any offence!
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I’d like to nominate that fat cunt James Cordon for. How did he get an OBE? Services to drama? My eye. He’s only done a failed sketch show, voice overs for cartoons and a bunch of adverts. Horne and Cordon was utter shite.
He’s a fat, indolent, toss pot who doesn’t really have any talent as a comedian or actor. How can confused.com use actors like him? The insurers they pimp probably don’t cover actors or lard arses. I think he should work in a chip shop.
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No, no. Didn’t he do that biopic of Pol Pot?
Didn’t see it myself, him playing a murdering Cambodian dictator?
He should have tried doing a fat opera singer or summat instead!
He’s a lick-arse cunt who famous for massaging the egos of sporting cunts over here and the glitterati over there. A win-win situation for that talentless cunt!
“So James, what do you actually do? I mean apart from playing second fiddle to that Golem looking cunt in that torturous Gavin & Stacey series?”
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All that unfunny fat fuck does is lick celebrity arse in his ludicrous car pool bollocks… What is funny about a lardarse cunt and a look at me celebricunt doing crappy karaoke in a motor?… Fuck all… And when Corden and Adele Arbuckle were together in that car I’m surprised it could even fucking move…
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