Author Archives: A Cunt Who Cunts Cunts

Virgin Media (2)

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It’s nice to finally have internet back after nearly 2 weeks, I would like to nominate a cunting for VIRGIN MEDIA for making me wait that long just to have a bloke “an engineer” come around and unplug one box and plug in a new one . Really two fucking weeks why couldn’t you send it in the post like they used to so I could have done it myself ……wankers.

Nominated by Sheriff Of Cuntingham.

I’ll second that cunting, because Virginmedia are fucking useless, their e-mail app is shit and when you finally wish to dispense with their overpriced services you have to jump through hoops on the phone for an hour while some hapless (and no doubt underpaid) poor sod in Calcutta or Delhi tries desperately to sell you more shite. I bet her bearded cunt of a boss dropped her into a shark tank for her failure, Bond villain style…

Nominated by Mr Bastard.

Virginmedia are indeed cunts of a higher order.

Bad enough trying to explain broadband problems to some Bangalore bot; then the fucking cunts throw in random £3.99 price hikes every few months.

Not coming across all fucking Anne Robinson but make sure you cunters ring up Virginmedia retentions at least every 6 months to try and get a marginally less excremental deal.

As an aside, nothing gets my fucking goat more than your average greasy-overalled phone company shitheel being described as an ‘engineer’ by Virginmedia. He is not a fucking engineer. He is a repairman. Perhaps if this fucking country held REAL engineers in higher regard, then we wouldn’t be treading human shit freshly laid by the fucking financial sector.

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back.

 

European Union (2)

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I’ve been meaning to do this for a while. I’m nominating the EU. It likes to portray itself as a benign organisation. One big, happy family where everyone is at peace and everything is perfect. It’s complete bullshit of course, as their behaviour since the UK voted to leave has proven more than once. The majority of the voting British people voted out, because the EU was treating us like shit, and we were sick of it.

Ever since that vote, various members of the EU ‘elite’, have made statements that contained threats, both veiled and otherwise, naked contempt, outright hostility and/or sarcastic remarks. Why would they do that if the EU was as benign as they make out? They wouldn’t. The fact is though, the EU is actually quite a malign, insidious organisation, whose only aim is to gather as much power as possible for a few unelected people. A bit like the old Soviet Union, only more secretive.

That brings me to another reason we voted to leave, the lack of democracy. Sure, we get to vote for MEP’s, but how much use are they really? They don’t don’t make any decisions. Only the likes of Juncker and Tusk get to do that, and we’re not allowed to vote them into their positions in free and fair elections. Which means that EU democracy is nothing more than an illusion. And there’s another thing. Not a single person ever voted to join a pan-European political organisation, with dreams of nationhood. It was initially sold as being nothing more than a trading bloc, though we know now that was a lie.

The UK has been the EU’s second largest financial contributor, pretty much since the EU was formed, and THAT has been the EU’s only use for us. It surprises me, that the likes of Juncker and Tusk would seemingly be so offended that the British people finally got sick of them treating us with increasingly naked contempt. What the fuck did they think would happen?

For twenty years or more, various EU ‘leaders’ have laughed at us, threatened us, belittled and humiliated us. Did they seriously think we wouldn’t reach a point where we decided enough is enough? And ever since June last year, aided by the Quislings here in the UK, we’ve had dire warnings that the UK will collapse without the EU, well that’s bullshit. If anything, it’s the other way around. Without us, there will be a massive black hole in the EU’s finances. And the EU’s ineptitude when it comes to handling money, they’ll have a very hard time fixing it. That’s why they’re demanding we pay an £80 billion “divorce” settlement.

The stated intention of the EU, is to punish the UK for daring to leave. It’s supposed to be a deterrent to other nations, like Hungary and the Czech Republic who are unhappy with the way they’re being treated by the EU. It won’t work. The more they try to grab to power from national governments, the more countries, especially those in Eastern Europe, will fight back.

Then sensible thing for the EU would be to negotiate a deal that is fair both them and the UK, but they’re so obsessed with keeping the EU together without reform, that they’d rather shoot themselves in the head than act in a mature, responsible manner. Well fuck ’em. We have the option to walk away from the EU right now, and we should exercise that option. Wave goodbye right now. The EU is just 27 countries, not including us, out of a planet of 196 countries. If they won’t work with us, plenty of others will.

Nominated by Quick Draw McGraw.

Multiculturalism

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I would like to nominate Multiculturalism as a cunt.

Multiculturalism is a cunt, why do I say this – because, as a middle-aged English white guy, it excludes me.

If I was a Somalian people trafficker enabling people to drown in the Med by selling them fake passports at Honda Civic prices and cramming them on leaky balloons then I would be an oppressed hero.

If I was a Syrian freedom fighter beheading people and yelling at the crucified that my version of Islam was the best then I would be cool.

If I was an Asian programmer who’d gotten a job through the Asian IT mafia network I would be cool even if I did not have a clue what I was doing.

But as a middle-aged white English guy looking after his chrysanthemums on a sunny afternoon I am automatically a bigoted racist colonial fucktard and I deserve everything I get.

I have never met an Indian who did not hate me for the partition and two hundred years of colonial rule. If you can’t forgive me – even though I was not responsible – then fuck off back to your overcrowded caste system, you useless cunt. Indians and Pakistanis own all the corner shops and hate me for it. Then they buy the supermarkets and hate me even more. Then they make damn sure their kids excel at school and become lawyers and doctors and rub my nose in it because I am white and English and that makes me a drunk and lazy dole bastard. But that does not stop some of them from being the same corrupt shifty bastards they were when they first arrived.

If you are Asian you will be elected in a predominantly Asian area, if you are white then fuck off.

In Bristol and Liverpool, blacks hate me for the slave trade.

The Irish are cool because they told the whole fucking world that the English are not and the world believed them and they play the same music over and over again in their pubs and turn people into useless plastic Irish zombies.

In the US, Americans laugh when misfortune befalls the England because they are still fighting their War of Independence by proxy through the RA. The white English working class was entirely responsible for wiping out Native Americans. It’s true, ask an American.

The French hate us because their language is a useless cunt.

The Spanish hate us for having the temerity to sink their fucking useless Armada (we had to calm down one fucked up useless Spanish twat at a party because he was so irate about it).

Australians hate us because they are cunts, likewise New Zealanders who dig up their tractor boys every now and then to biff us at rugger and make sure we know that sheep farmers rule over useless English dole bastards and inbred paedophile public schoolboys.

The Russians hate us because they’re on the edge of nowhere and just yearn to be seen as sophisticated when deep down they are simply brutish thugs with massive inferiority complexes. The English, even in glorious defeat at Balaclava, still looked prettier in their pretty uniforms.

And then there are all those culturally wonderful South Americans who just adore fascists and Franco types and hate England because Buenos Aires has better looking streets.

Don’t get me started on Eastern Europe; most of it’s next to Russia: enough said. As for our Sino friends, the Chinese, the Japanese, the Hong Kongese, the Burmese, I don’t know what they think, I haven’t got a fucking clue.

As for the Scots, Irish and Welsh, they didn’t help in 1066, so fuck them.

But the worse thing is that our own middle and upper classes are complicit in name-calling the white English working class. They call us racist bigoted white football hooligan cunts thinking the epithet excludes them because they are superior as they went to Oxford and Cambridge and run the Foreign Office via their old boy network. But if there’s any white cunt in England who is more racist and bigoted, more of an exclusive arsehole, it’s the rich white landed gentry cunt because it’s he or she who benefited almost exclusively from the slave trade. I certainly didn’t, my grandad was a beer delivery drunk.

So fuck off multiculturalism, you cunt, unless you include me, the wholly oppressed white English middle-aged working class man.

Nominated by Samson De Vere.

Theresa May (8)

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She said all the immigrants that have been in the UK for five years are still able to bring any family that wants to come to the UK and they can stay permanently after five years.
They will receive all the benefits , pensions, dole and health care, just like BRITISH CITIZENS.

But they are not British citizens and in my view , shouldn’t be entitled to anything of the sort.

The UK is not America, its not a massive country that was built on immigration.
Britain is a small island that has or had its own values and is full.
Even if it wasn’t full, its not on that we are being forced to change everything that we were taught our country was.

May also said immigrants are vital to our economy.
Strange, as i know Brits who are unemployed, but no one seems to think that they could be vital to our economy.

I hoped Teresa May would be a good UN’, but she’s not, she’s weak.

Nominated by birdman.

Modern Advertising

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I would like to nominate modern advertising for an accumulated cunting; this fucking shit has been festering for years and it is high time that the phenomenon as a whole was covered in these hallowed pages.

Let’s be clear – adverts have almost always been annoying. There is the odd funny one or the odd ‘clever’ one. But on the whole, they are, and always have been shit. Unfortunately, advertising execs have taken increasingly bolder steps in recent years to not only up the cunt-ante, but try their level best to burrow inside your fucking skull; no longer with the aim of telling you about their product but like all things in the modern age, geared towards getting noticed and getting attention, usually via hashtwatters.

Trying my best to summarise this as succinctly as possible (and failing), consider:

1) The endless regurgitation of 80s songs – no matter how irrelevant to the fucking advert – with these eye-gougingly annoying breathy waifish cunts murdering them beyond recognition. Most of these acoustic cunts sound like crooning asthmatics… just who decided that this should be the backing template for every fucking ‘thoughtful’ add? Too many songs to mention that have been ruined by this type of ad; ‘Wonderful Life’, ‘Welcome to the Jungle’, ‘You Spin Me Round’ are a bare few examples… don’t get me wrong, many of these tunes were shite in the first place, but adding extra layers of fucking hipster appeal just makes me desperate to time travel and swap places with Belsen camp detainees circa 1942. Anything to escape this particular brand of torture.

2) The whole Hashtag #LOLZ-type fucking branch of ads. Filed under this category are mammoth examples of cuntitude such as Moneysupermarket’s dancing woofters, Compare the Bastard Meerkat, Confused.com… noticing anything? Yes, always the same type of shit comparison and insurance site. they have nothing tangible to sell so instead, buoyed by millions earned from their online ad revenue, they attack you relentlessly with such fucking #LOL creations as operatic Welsh cunts and stuffed Russian rodents. In fact, one of my all-time fantasies involves being locked inside a real Meerkat reserve compound, a 20-gauge sawn-off Remington and unlimited fucking buckshot.

3) Any advert featuring ‘yoof’. Any advert with any kind of 14-20-year old since 2008 always, fucking ALWAYS, depicts ‘street level’ with that fucking backward Jamaican-Bangladeshi hybrid patois of utter cuntdom; even when said youths hail from white-middle class Barnstaple or Windsor. What the fuck? Is this normal now? For every fucking kid in the land to sound like a tryhard cross between Ali G and Tim fucking Westwood? Fuck off, and take your cunting ‘fam’ with you. Remember that Galaxy ad with the innit rapper and the crooning waif sounding off in the recording booth? Oh, and talking of fucking which…

4) That bastard, Christing, OTHER fucking uber-cunt Galaxy advert with the CGI Audrey Hepburn. This fucking abomination has almost been going on as long as the Hillsborough aftermath. Please, make the fucker stop.

5) This more recent trend of using sounds and close-up noises (read up on ASMR) to almost drive you to distraction and grab your attention. Examples include that supermarket ad which had ultra-loud close-ups of cows chewing grass, and Crunchy nut adverts where the mic is almost inside the chomping fucker’s mouth. Fucking disgusting and excruciating at the same time.

6) Ads which attempt emotional manipulation. These range from saccharine stuff like that dead dad advert from McDonald’s a few weeks ago and the Paul Whitehouse weird undead shit advertising Aviva; right through to the starving African charity ads that hit us from time to time. Nothing however caps cuntlords like Ewan MacGregor lecturing us to dip into our pockets for UNICEF, while that cunt furiously wanks over his £50,000 appearance fee for the privilege of giving you the sermon. Cunt right off.

I’ve probably lumped in several cunt-worthy examples into one congealed cunting, but Christ. Modern ads instantly turn my piss into scorching hot vapour.

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back.