Convenience shops need a good cunting.

The perma whiff of balti guff which intensifies as one nears point of sale, the beady looks from the suspicious staff, the overpriced goods which are a little too near the best before… most of which are covered in Arabic because they were vanned in by a cousin from Lahore.

Impossible to find a tin of beans or a fairy liquid amongst all the tins of Pataks, Turkish delight, Bombay mix and Backlava

Nominated by Junior Emergency Cunting Operative

I need to nominate the EU’s “leaders” for a well deserved cunting. I’ve never considered them to be leaders. True leaders show respect to those they wish to lead. They put others before themselves and in return, they inspire respect, loyalty and a willingness to follow. The likes of Juncker, Tusk, Tajani, Verhofstadt and Barnier inspire hatred, contempt, ridicule and a strong desire to end them in the most painful way possible. Not one of them has had the decency to stand in a free, fair and open election for their positions. Yet they presume to order others about like the unelected, undemocratic Nazi bastards they are.

They’ve been particularly bad since the majority of UK voters chose to the leave their ridiculous little club. Then again, if the EU was benign, we wouldn’t have wanted to leave. They’ve always shown the UK, and the British people nothing but contempt, making it clear that our only purpose is to keep them in the lifestyles to which they have become accustomed, and help the Germans provide the funding for their little dictatorship. Since voting to leave however, they have become worse.

If the EU were a benign organisation, they would have been sad to see us go, but would have accepted our decision and wished us well. But the EU is NOT benign. And that has been proved time since June 2016 by the increase in contempt, outright hatred, scorn, insults and threats they’ve hurled at us. Over the past 17 months, they have made it perfectly clear, through their actions and rhetoric, that they have no intention of making our exit from the EU as smooth as possible.

Instead, they have thrown obstacle after obstacle in our way, happily aided by traitors on this side of the English Channel. Most notable is the outrageous demand for tens of billions of pounds that we DO NOT owe them. Although May has so far held out on giving them the full amount, she has shamefully caved in on other demands, possibly in the hope they would relent and ask for less. Instead, she has emboldened them.

Aided by cretins like the Irish President, whose name I can’t be bothered to remember, Macron, Mutti Merkel and several other jumped up cretins who have chosen to stick their noses in, the EU’s dictators have deliberately thwarted all efforts of David Davis and his team to move forward with the negotiations, choosing instead to try punish the UK for what they see as a grave insult, and a direct threat to their authority.

As I said earlier, not one of those ignorant, hate filled, pompous, entitled, incompetent little despots comes anywhere close to being a leader. And even though they firmly believe that they do, not one of them has any legitimate right to the offices they have pushed themselves into. Again, as previously stated, none of them had the courage or the decency to put themselves forward for election to their posts. They just assumed it was their right.

The reason for their contemptible behaviour is obvious. Fear. For years, the British public have been demanding a vote on our membership of an organisation that NO British government sought our permission to join. We were told that the EEC as it was originally called, was nothing more than a free trade club. That was an outrageous lie. And for years, successive British governments have denied us our democratic right to a say in the matter. Until Cameron came along that is, and even then, he didn’t call the referendum because he thought it the right thing to do. He called it, because he arrogantly assumed we were all morons, and he could fool us into voting to stay in the EU with that ridiculous charade he called “The Renegotiations”. The problem was, we are NOT morons. We knew from the start that he had no real desire to change anything, and it made us angry. It also became clear that the true leader of the EU, was Merkel. Cameron didn’t do himself any favours by stating from the start that he wanted the UK to remain in the EU, something that instantly put him on the back foot. That angered us even more.

Juncker, Tusk and co, arrogantly assumed that we would be good little sheep and vote to remain, they were wrong. That vote to leave sent an earthquake through the British and EU political establishments, causing first shock and then anger. How dare we use our democratic right to choose our own destiny to vote out of the EU? And the likes of Juncker, Tusk, Verhofstadt, Barnier and Tajani are worried. They are scared of what the future holds for them. Because if post Brexit Britain proves to be a success as a sovereign nation, then other EU members, like Italy, may decide they want to return to the days of self determination. And that would spell the end of the EU, and their cushy, EU taxpayer funded lifestyles.

That’s why they’re now behaving in such a contemptible manner toward us. They want to punish the UK for daring to break ranks. They want to ruin us. If it were Poland or the Czech republic wanting to leave, then things would be different. Juncker and co would still be angry, but it wouldn’t bring as big a problem as our leaving is. We’re the second largest financial contributor to the EU treasury which means when we go, so does our money. That means a massive financial black hole will open up, potentially bankrupting them. And they can’t have that.

Tusk recently gave us an ultimatum. We either up our financial offer in the next two weeks, or he’ll deliberately delay the next round of talks until we do. And apparently, the EU is also planning on withholding our final repayment of 4 billion pounds. In my opinion, the time has now come for May to grow a spine and tell the EU that we’re walking away. The EU will not cave in on it’s demand that we pay 100 billion pounds before they will engage in trade negotiations. And she’s finished if she does cave in. We’ve tried to negotiate. We’ve tried to be sensible and fair in our approach to the talks. But the EU is not interested. They would rather shoot themselves in the head than give us anything that even looks like a fair deal. So the only thing we can do, is walk away and rely on WTO rules.

Nominated by Quick Draw McGraw.