Harry and Meghan have visited my home town of Melbourne whoopee fucking doo, what a pair of utter cunts. The colonials, alongside having to cough up for this shit are expected to roll u and clap and cheer these fuckers, for what? It’s like inviting someone to dinner and them slapping you with an invoice for an attendance fee.

Did I show up for this pointless anachronistic arse licking fest? Did I fuck, I was doing the the thing that these two work shy show ponies don’t like doing ie work, to boot the taxes I pay, 30% here, up 50% if you have the temerity to be skilled and earn decently, are garnered to be pissed up the wall on rubbish like this ginger knob and his been around the block side piece “gracing” us with their presence. About a million bucks it cost, a million.

Anyway the two of them visited yet another money pit dedicated to the advancement of aboriginals, the very definition of pissing into the wind, swanned around the place for 15 minutes before catching a tram to the beach, and this is expected to give us our jollies, what are they, retarded? Maybe if a down syndrome kid manged to catch a tram without having its foot amputated and walked along the beach without falling in it might be remarkable.

A high point: one small boy grabbed ginger’s nasty little beard, ooh cute as fuck, the wee prick is lucky it wasn’t a hundred years ago it would have been bludgeoned to the ground and been the the recipient of a good hard rogering with a large blunt object. But you get the point a modern, relatable PR friendly face being given to the royals designed to ensure they continue to be the recipients of our largesse for all time and we fall for it again, cunts.

Nominated by flange

I’ve had a ‘home care’ plan with BG for years. It gives you cover if your central heating conks, or if your electrics or plumbing pack in, 24/7, 365 (as our friends the Yanks say). I’ve always had great service from them; basically, you get an annual central heating service included, and one call out pretty much covers the yearly premium.
I’m a satisfied customer then? Well I was until earlier this week, when I received my renewal notice. The cunts wanted to put up my premium by an eye-watering 23% no less.
Was I having that? Was I fuck. I was straight on the dog and bone (it used to be a free phone number, not any more!) to tell them that (a) I’d made just one call out in the previous 12 months, so no way was this increase justified and (b) they were trying to take advantage of my loyalty. The woman dealing with my call then offered to ‘see what they could do’, and came up with a revised quote at a mere 15% increase. The effect of this was to make me not only pissed off, but now insulted to boot. Why not just offer that in the first place? Previous comment not withstanding, was I supposed to feel gratified that the increase was now a mere 15%, and gratefully accept?
Well, my response was to tell BG to stick its quote where the sun don’t shine, and that I was off to take out a plan with Corgi. ‘Er just let me pop you on hold’ said Ms BG, ‘I’ll have a word with my supervisor…’. Yeah, and while you’re ‘having a word with your supervisor’, Helen Mirren here will suck my dick…
Two minutes later. ‘Ah hello. As you’ve been SUCH a loyal customer, we can make an exception in your case and offer you cover at last year’s premium’. Whoopi do, you chancing pissflaps.
The moral here is simple. NEVER accept the first quote from anybody, they’re all trying it on. Fucking chiseling cunts.

Nominated by Ron Knee

Huge outrage about the demise of one man,i.e Journalist Kashoggi,but not a word about the 100,000’s of Yemenis killed by ordnance sold to Saudi Arabia by America. The Saudis are Cunts,but there’s a huge list of Govts queuing up behind the Saudis for a royal Cunting. Saudi Arabia is a cunt.America don’t mind cunting Saudi a little…but not too much mind or they’ll stop buying our stuff.Cunts.

Nominated by Twinkletwat

The Foreign Office are a bunch of cunts.

Some sand dweller from Saudi gets bumped off in Turkey. Branson throw his toys out of the pram. UK and US throw a hissy fit.

Simple question – what the fuck has it got to do with us???

Nominated by Dioclese