The Jasseem Next-Day Comfort Denture



Following on from the recent post re Jurgen Klopp and his impossible teef we present to you an internet chancer’s solution to cracking the problem, namely the Jasseem “one size fits all” Comfort Denture – and if you believe that and the guff in this online scam puff then you deserve all you get. Caveat Emptor.

Historically we find the Pharos laid to rest with wooden teeth and gold and silver replacement dentition goes back to the dawn of civilisation. Also wooden dentures with inset human teeth reclaimed from the carnage of the battlefield or what came to be known as Waterloo Dentures were a much prized feature pre NHS. (Note dentists did a particularly roaring trade after the bloody battles of the French Wars. Teeth were one of the prizes claimed by the harridans that travelled with the baggage trains of the winning side).

So onwards and upwards we now find ourselves bombarded with magic toothpastes, cosmetic whitening and arse lift, tit lift, trout pout and veneer and tooth implant clinics and all at astonishing prices. Then there is always the cheaper option of a Turkish holiday/cosmetic procedures combo followed by months of agonising corrective surgery back home in Blighty on the NHS. Into this pageant of dodgy vanity enhancement steps the One Size Jasseem Next-Day Comfort Denture. Not as environmentally enhancing as the plastic free Waterloo Denture perhaps but to reassure the doubtful thus the Mission Statement from the jaspers that punt out Jasseem Dentures:

“With the idea of “green and healthy” embodied in the whole process of product development, we aspire to create innovative and effective products for global customers seeking for beauty and health by adopting the most advanced technologies”.

All smile for the camera please.

sax.com

Nominated by Sir Limply Stoke.

Macben Achianu


Macben Achianu is,somewhat unsurprisingly,a proper cunt.

BBC News.

It appears its been traumatised by attempting to rent a house from renowned estate agents Gumtree and in the process got relieved of £2000..

It’s a heartwarming tale of very mild deception all wrapped up in the complete fucking idiocy of the hapless Achianu.

No doubt the Blek Key is attempting to leverage his stupidity by letting the BBC in on the sob story in the hope some mugs club together to give him his money back.

What a Cunt.

Nominated by : Unkle Terry

Dead Pool [366]

 

Congratulations to Lord Biryani who has won Dead Pool 365 by picking the Queen of British Jazz Dame Cleo Laine who died yesterday aged 97.She was the biggest female Jazz figure arguably in British History even winning a Grammy in 1986.She performed into her early 90s.

Known for the scat singing.Cleo joined John Dankworths band and later went on to marry him and have 2 children Alec and Jacqui who survive her.Dankworth died in 2010 aged 82 after 52 years of marriage and Laine announced his death on stage.She was also predeceased by her eldest son from her first marriage who died in 2019.She is survived by 2 children and her grandchildren.

 

On to Dead Pool 366

The rules .

1)Pick 5 famius cunts you think will conk out next.Its first come  first serve.No duplicates allowed and you can always be a cunt and steal someone elses nominations from the previous pool.

3)It must be a famous cunt we have heard of.

4)No swapping picks mid pool unless they have already been nabbed.

5)Hits are awarded based on the chronology of death reporting not necessarily in chronology of death.

Loutish MPs

are cunts.

The Chamber of the House of Commons has long had an unfortunate reputation for unseemly, raucous and unpleasant behaviour on the part of sitting MPs. That much is news to no one.

However of late I detect a particular pattern of cloddish behaviour among Members towards the small nucleus of Reform UK representatives. When a Reformer gets up to make a statement or ask a question, a cacophony of howls, jeers, insults, gabble and babble immediately breaks out, often making it all but impossible to hear what the Member has to say. It’s like listening to a herd of braying donkeys.

Now this display would be ill-mannered and disrespectful enough if it was merely random. But I suspect that in fact it is orchestrated and concerted, a deliberate crossbench tactic aimed at disheartening the speaker, drowning them out and in effect, denying Reform a voice in the House . It’s devious, nasty and worst of all, undemocratic.

Of course some of you may think that my view is a conspiracy theory too far, but I believe it’s true. In my view this is a tacit pact between those who see the old ‘your turn, our turn’ LabCon hegemony as under an implicit threat, and they want to create the impression that Reform is a discredited and unworthy component of the Parliamentary discourse.

There’s irony in the situation at any rate. Far from belittling Reform, these numpties belittle themselves before the British people, and shame Parliament before the world. The irony is that they think they’re being clever, but they’re too doltish to see how stupid they actually are and how childish they appear.

Best of all, they’re afraid; scared shitless by the prospect of losing their cushy sinecures at the hands of an emerging Reform. The stink of fear hangs over the House. You can smell it from here. Yes you cunts, be afraid. Be very afraid.

youtube

Nominated by Ron Knee.

Piles (3)

A light hearted but painful cunting for piles, or pile in this case.

Having never exerienced such rectal delights until today, but taken the piss whenever someone has mentioned them, Imagine my horror waking up feeling like I spent my first night in an American prison with big bobo as my cellmate.

A quick bath and check, and just to be sure, a look with a mirror to find a big (big to me anyway) fresh new pile sat there.

Got some anusol on way to work and had self service tills existed here, I would have used it for once but no, served by the usual woman who is usually chatty and smiley but not today, so asked her if the anusol and my massive arse grape was the reason which did raise a smile.

Had some fun looking for a youtube link, a lot of them seem to be Indian videos, are piles more prevalent in Indians? I would have thought the lack of toilet paper and the type 1 and 2 on Bristol stool chart would mean they were less likely candidates, but what do I know on day one of a hopefully very short sore bum journey.

youtube

Nominated by Cunt of the Isles.