Wassat? Well we had it once in the shape of the most extensive merchant and naval marine in the world for over 200 years linking together all our possessions and colonies across the globe. Very lucrative. Note they do not teach this is schools any longer other than as a dastardly racist organ of oppression and exploitation of Brown People innit. All started falling apart at the end of WWII as the Americans started demanding vast chunks of it to repay their War Debt and to supplant GB’s status in the world.. The era of Britain on its uppers and resultant cutbacks started from then Big Time.



So it has continued to the point where there is nothing left to cut back and Team GB is forced to large it in the world with illusion and delusion. So we come to the Cyprus shite show and the ignominious fuck up re an inability to show the flag on a destroyer and chase away a few Iranian/chose a proxy drones (admittedly nasty things now). Hardly need reminding The Community that said destroyer, while it allegedly does exist, remains sat in a dock in Portsmouth awaiting the solution of “technical problems”. Latest word is it will not be ready in time to do duty in Cyprus – ever – and its role will be taken by our staunch allies The Frogs (who love us dearly). Is it too cynical to think that this suits Starmerdramer perfectly as it gets him out of a hole with his MPs as they oppose any British backing of Trump in the Iran fiasco? Government by deliberate incompetence.



Clearly British Ship Building is no longer the engine house of glittering technical expertise and sheer grunt that it once was (we do not know how to build fucking ships anymore) and so our brilliant experts at the MOD have come up with a specification that will save our bacon:

The Sampan D Class Destroyer


HMS Delusion, HMS Decline, HMS Distraught, HMS Depression, HMS Innit



Diesel all fuel outboard engines capable of burning recycled chip and burger oil and mounted on poles stuck out the back of the boat for ease of maintenance and variety of steerage options. Also obviating the need for a solution to the rather embarrassing problem of our latest ships leaking through the gland nuts where the prop shafts pass through into the open sea.



Shallow flat bottomed hulls to optimise use in irrelevant backwaters and money saving non harbour use (no need for harbours and dockyards innit)

Hulls to be constructed from old metal cans pop riveted together under the guidance of Messrs Mo and Ali of M and A Vehicle Repairs Innit of Solihull Railway Arches, Solihull. Inclusive innit.



State of the art mind games in action to confuse the enemy who will not believe that Our Lads are actually fighting out of Sampans. All crews to be recruited from Brown People issued with catapults so Inclusive Innit and oh so deniable (eg “no comment” and “not us gov’nor”).



Armaments to be out of date and knackered with kinks introduced into gun barrels/torpedo tubes etcetera so Starmerdrama may legally claim under International Law that GB was not intentionally attempting to hit anyone. Warning Shots only innit.

The Stun.

Nominated by : Sir Limply Stoke

This gentleman decided it would be a good idea to “drum up business” by sending wimmin pictures of his meat and two veg via WhatsApp when they enquired about having some new wiring done.

A novel approach to customer service.

“Cambridgeshire Police said Brodie received an inquiry about electrical work from the first victim in September 2024 and agreed to visit her to provide a quote, but became reluctant when he learned it would be the woman’s husband who would be meeting him.

The woman then noticed he had changed his profile picture from his company logo to his genitals.

She challenged Brodie, who claimed his account had been hacked, and the profile picture was then changed to different photos of him naked.”

Fucking genius.

No doubt the mad cunt would be too busy rifling through a ladies underwear drawer to do any work,after he gets out of prison any way.

Dear me.

BBC News?

Nominated by : Unkle Terry

This “lady” has been sent to prison for falsely accusing a total of ten men with rapę.

“The victims told Bolton Crown Court Sharples’ lies had “ruined” their lives, as the allegations had led to many of them losing their jobs, partners, and access to their children.”

BBC News?

Please take a look at Stacey.

I’m not at all certain what the police were thinking.

You’d have to quite mad or very drunk to even engage Stacey in brief conversation never mind contemplating forcing yourself upon the hag.

Perhaps it was a slow day for arresting people for being mildly unpleasant online?

Dear me.

Nominated by : Unkle Terry

The treatment of British nationals at holiday destinations is a disgraceful cunt. PS so are Ryanair.

Mrs E/cunt and I have recently been away for a couple of weeks to the Canary Islands. Get away from the bullshit in the news and the fucking weather. It was great apart from check in where Paddy air only open literally one or two check in desks for hundreds of passengers. This leads to massive queues to add to the already long queues taking your shoes belts watches etc off before passing through an x-ray machine and the watchful gaze an ethnic security bod.

That is on the UK side. On landing in Fuerteventura you are herded into a queue were they take your finger prints and another one were a machine reads your passport and takes a photo of your eyes. We are not finished yet because we join the long and winding road to queue for Mr sunglasses himself Spanish plod so he can fucking stamp your passport. When he isn’t on a cigarette break.

A decent holiday then takes place before the real nightmare begins. Ryanair send you lots of reminders on the “APP” not to be late or they will leave you on the tarmac so to speak. Stories of this circulate around the resort and youtube.

We arrive at 2 pm and our flight’s gate closes at 5 pm. Loads of time to clear the first lot of queues and then Mrs e/cunt can wander around the duty free.. My fucking arse. Just before 3.30 pm two dumpy looking Senoras turn up. Two there are supposed to be 4 desks open. Dream on. We are near the front so avoid the worse of the rugby scrum. Then off to the strip off shit and because of the time when we’ve passed trough this ordeal we head towards our gate which is a good mile away. And of course when we get there Mr sunglasses is on a fag break with around 400 of us cunts wishing to get through. Without a word of a lie we get to the gate 5 minutes before paddy air call us to board the plane.

I would like to think that our British government would tell Johnny Foreigner to up his game but of course our government have a spine like a jellyfish.

If this doesn’t improve on our trip to Menorca in June then they can fuck it and it is Cleethorpes for Mrs E/cunt and I.

Nominated by : Everyonesacunt

A police force which spent £34,300 on electric tuk-tuks to help fight crime sold them after just two years – at a £28,350 loss.

Cunts.

Ch Insp Damian Sowrey said parents told officers “they would feel safer knowing that there was support for young people out at night, and from women who could think of an occasion when the tuk-tuk would have been a welcome sight”…

I’m not sure how many young ladies are happy to see a tuk-tuk hoving into view..

Gwent Police spokesperson said: “The intention behind the purchase of these vehicles was to boost public safety especially within the night-time economy settings of Abergavenny and Newport in an engaging and different way for our communities.”

Sounds like more of the same “cultural enrichment ” to me..

Perhaps the tuk-tuks are now in Bradford carrying “grooming” cunts about their what should be immediately lethal hobbies..

Or carrying the tattered remnants of the latest Ayetollah to his burial pit?

Who knows?

Who cares?

It’s only a drop in the bucket of Gravy Train Britain.

BBC News?

Nominated by : Unkle Terry