Victoria Beckham is a miserly tight fisted cunt, in these Corona virus times the government have in an attempt to help businesses keep on their staff and also no go to the wall as money is tight before this rinky dinks infected us with yellow pox, anyway this has allowed this penny pinching nine iron lookalike slut to exploit the fact tnhat she can furlough 30 of her fashion company employees so she can claim 80 percent of their wage from the government, save the further 20 percent and all this with millions in the bank, so not only cant she sing, cant design cars, didnt design that Landrover monstrocity, and yet claimed she , looks like a waxwork dummy and probably has a snatch that looks like a butchers bin as well, she,s tighter that a ducks arse…..

Nominated by Fuglyucker

THE MARKLES; An Everyday Story of Cuntry Folk
The story so far; Prince Harry Halfwit and his American bride Megain have grown tired of the pampered, luxurious lifestyle of British royalty, and no longer want to jet around the world between holidays, spending as much as six weeks of their year glad-handing plebs and cutting ribbons. Having thrown in the Royal towel, they’ve fled to the peace and tranquility of LA, in search of a more down-to-earth, private lifestyle. There, in the privacy of a Hollywood mansion, Megain spends her time plotting her climb onto the celebrity A-list. Now read on.

‘Bah!’, scowled the Prince of Sighs, and hurled his newspaper across the room. ‘Those beastly bounders!’.
‘Wha’s the matter, honey chile?’ asked Little Miss Sparkle distractedly, head bowed over her laptop.
‘It’s those damned rotters in the Blighty tabloids again, heart’s delight’ whined the Duke of Despondency. ‘They’re writing stuff about us again that’s downright sal… sal… salubrious!’.
‘Salacious’, replied Little Miss Sparkle, tapping away busily.
‘Bless you’, said the once-upon-a-time HRH, nodding furiously. ‘Well I tell you, old girl, one’s had enough. One’s writing to those johnnies at The Mirror, The Sun, The Mail and The Express, telling them that enough’s jolly well enough. It’s zero engagement with them from now on’.
Megain sighed, and stopped typing. ‘Now Harry dearest, I thought we had an understanding; I do the thinking, and you don’t. Looky here, we WANT media coverage, we wanna seem relevant, but it’s gotta be POSITIVE. Here on in, I’ll get ma people ta handle things. Y’know, make sure there’s always a reporter an’ a cameraman on hand when we do that stuff like walkin’ the dawg, or go ’bout town delivering stuff to the common people during the C-19 crisis’.
Harry frowned and took a sip from his iced soy latté. ‘Humph. That’s all very well old thing, but dash it all, a chap’s got to do, and all that rot. I’m jolly well going to give them a piece of my mind!’.
‘Ya ain’t got a piece ta spare, ya haffwit’, murmered the Duchess of Deceit to herself. ‘Now looky, an’ I’ll explain’, she continued. ‘Y’all see this here story in The Independent? “Harry and Megain donate £90k of royal wedding profits to hunger charity”. It’s all about us getting media exposure on OUR terms, about controlling the agenda, get it? Exploiting our image ta cash in’.
Harry looked nonplussed. ‘Erm, I think so, my little Turkish delight; be the new Posh and Becks and whatnot. Dash it all, I’ll leave that stuff to you. Thinking gives me a headache’. With that the Half-blood Prince stretched, and lowering his rapidly balding ginger head over his wife’s shoulder, peered at her computer screen. ‘I say, what’s that you’re writing? “Divorce American Style”. What’s that about?’.
‘Uhm, it’s ah, a movie screenplay I’m workin’ on’, replied Megain, hastily closing the computer.
‘I say, good show!’ cried Harry enthusiastically. ‘Is there a part in it for me?’.
‘Ya betcha ass’, replied Megain with passion.

To be continued.

Nominated by Ron Knee

Some people just gift themselves to this site by virtue of the fact that are born cunts. Richard Branson is one of them. I know he’s already been nominated, but I need to nominate him too. This piece of shit hanging out of a mangy dog’s arse has gone to the British government, a government he personally pays no tax too by virtue of his living in exile on his tropical island, to beg for a £500 million loan to keep his airline opened. That would be the Virgin airlines that is part owned by Delta. He’s put his Necker Island tax haven up as surety, but I’ve heard that it’s value has been estimated at around £10 million. Not a good return should he default.

The sheer gall of this bearded quim, to come running to the British government to demand money for his shitty airline is staggering. This is someone who brags about doing so much for NHS, whilst getting anything in return (except for a large pay out after he sued over a contract he didn’t get). This prick is worth somewhere around £4.5 billion, and despite telling us that his companies pay tax in the UK, pays no tax himself. And I think I’m right in thinking that Branson was one of the loudest voices calling for Flybe to not be given any government assistance when they were in financial trouble a couple of months back. Now he thinks his airline should be given government assistance.

And lets not forget, this is tight fisted prick who ask his airline to take eight weeks off without pay. Here’s an idea, Dick. Get your partners at Delta airlines to cough up part of the money you want, and you put your hand in your pocket and pay the rest. Or you could go to your beloved EU with your begging bowl.

Apparently, Rishi Sunak has already told him to do one, saying that Branson hasn’t provided any evidence that he’s exhausted all other possible avenues of raising the money. We’ll see how long that remains the case. And considering Branson already has form for it, I wouldn’t put it past the brass necked prick to try to sue the government for the money.

Nominated by Quick Draw McGraw

Fuck McAfee. Tbh, fuck any of these cunts that you use because, every 5 or 6 days they’ll give you a message and you’ll click yes and, all of a sudden, Yahoo will be your search engine. Now I know that Google search is basically a massive global cunt, but it’s the best cunt there is.

McAfee keeps my laptop safe but insists on partnering (when the fuck did that become a word) with Yahoo which has been a pile of shite for the last decade. Never forget that when Yahoo was the browser of choice back in the 90s, they used Google as their analytical engine. How times have fucking changed.

Also let’s not forget John McAfee has an element of dodge about him. That said, his company is better than most. It’s not like shopping in Debenhams (Phillip Green) or M&S (they’re both owned by cunts).

https://www.foxnews.com/tech/john-mcafee-released-after-detained-dominican-republic

Fuck it. I’m pissed. Someone above is a cunt.

Nominated by Dark key cunt

A quick cunting for one of the most nauseating and twee adverts ive seen in a while; Hyundai’s This Is Us.

It’s the sort of drippy crap preying on the modern snowflake mentality; asuming we’re all weak, fragile and scared during this extended Easter holiday. Speak for yourselves, marketing bods, although i somehow doubt they’re capable of fear and fragiity given the cocaine habits and general sociopathy.

I get the feeling those who will find this uplifting are a bit soft and perhaps need it. Perhaps they’re Ed Sheeran enthusiasts, or vegans and have special pronouns. Perhaps they’re suffering eco-anxiety or one of the under 25s finding this all ‘extremely difficult’ and about to mentally fold like a deck chair under the female members of the shadow cabinet.

I can only offer this advice; in the words of Karen Carpenter ‘we’ve only just begun’, now toughen up and find a hobby. Your nan had 6 years of this.

Nominated by Cuntamus Prime

Meanwhile in the reel world Hyundai continues as a world leading arms manufacturer, you do not see that on the TV do you?

http://en.hyundai-wia.com/business/defense_business.asp