Has there ever been such an assembly of monged out fuckwits, all waving their spindly arms in the air like spazzers because they’ve won thirty bob and been visited by king and queen cunty to get the cheque
Is it only for council estate mongs or do normal people ever “win”?
Nominated by Quimlips
Some intensive cunting for BBC sports panel discussions is necessary. For those of you who don’t waste your time watching the shit on offer on the Beeb, a BBC sports panel comprises 4-8 people, invariably chaired by Claire Balding or Gabby Logan, who witter away endlessly and inanely about whatever sport you want to watch when you could actually be watching it.
Yesterday I had the misfortune to endure possibly the most retarded discussion I’ve ever witnessed. It was about the cycling points race which, if you have something vaguely resembling a brain, isn’t particularly difficult to understand. If you’re Rebecca Adlington, however, it is particularly impossible to understand. Fair enough, I’m sure most people don’t know or care about this particular race but why the fuck must this chatter be broadcast on a Saturday morning when most people want to watch the before-mentioned cycling/swimming etc. Surely the red button can be used for those with a fetish for talking cunts rather than for the actual sport?
If you missed it, the conversation in question consisted of one of the cycling ‘experts’ explaining to old rubber-face how the points worked, which resulted in an arseful of shrieking and giggling and Adlington bleating on Stacey Solomon-style about how they go fast and they go slow and fast and slow and why don’t they just go fast? Hahhahahaha – then someone else said they go slow so they can have a cup of tea, cue more shrieking and giggling, then some other cunt said ‘didn’t you see them pass the biscuits around?’ cue more frenzied giggling and shrieking, all the while Balding stuffing her fat head into the picture to bombard us with shit fucking one liners.
When they finally show the odd race, it tends to be followed by a 25-minute interview with whichever Welsh/Scottish/English bint came fifth and hopes to do better the next time but is so amazed that she’s there in the first place and everything is so awesome hello everyone back home etcetera etfuckingcetera.
The one exception to this is Michael Johnson, who has a talent for in-depth analysis that would shame a NASA scientist. How the fuck he can put up with the rest of the twats on offer is beyond me.
Nominated by Galted Asas
People living in vehicles need a cunting.
In Bristol there are loads of cunts living in ‘Converted’ vehicles, Caravans, Old Minibus’ etc. Some of these vehicles have coal burning heaters/stoves and some cheeky cunt actually advertised a ‘Converted’ vehicle for rent. You’d think that it was Pikeys (which would have the bonus being able to buy the odd ‘Off the back of a lorry’ goods) but it’s not its white middle class cunts and there all over the place, there are a load near Ikea, fuck knows what the toilets are like after these scruffy cunts have used them. I know there is a housing crisis but these cunts should fuck off to the countryside where Farmer’s may be able to employ the cunts and pay them in Apples and pears. Seriously there are loads of these cunts and there was a serious fire in one the other day with a possible fatality.
If I sat in my car and started a barbecue and the old bill saw I’d get arrested, so why are these cunts allowed to burn coal in a vehicle. Some of these vehicles have chimneys so it’s obvious. What will be done abaaaaaht it? Fuck all. If it were a load of Somalians there would be houses built in record time for them, so the governments are cunts as well. What a pile of cunt.
Nominated by Black and White Cunt
As London’s murder rate overtakes that of New York, the Home Secretary Amber Rudd says that “Police cuts are not blame.” Most people in the country are still rubbing their eyes in disbelief as they read this unbelievable sentence; yes, they can’t believe Amber Rudd is STILL the Home Secretary.
No doubt the copious killings are all to do with social media and nothing to do with the shying away of Stop & Search. Yes, definitely no correlation there, Rudd.
Shadow Home secretary Diane Flabbapotamus is on holiday in McDonalds and was therefore unavailable for comment.
It doesn’t matter that Rudd’s face resembles The Emperor’s from Star Wars, nor that she dresses in a sexless Hilary Clinton suit, she’s just shit at her job.
She continued, “Stop and search is a vital policing blah blah new laws blah the Government is committed blah social media blah blah blah.”
Rudd is currently the second worst person in the country to be the Home Secretary. She is an incompetent cunt, swimming far out of her intellectual depth and she and her Emperor-like face should be sacked.
Nominated by Captain Magnanimous
Danny Boyle has been given the job of directing and writing the 25th James Bond film and has been stating that it’s story will be inspired by the Timesup and Metoo campaigns, and that he wants to bring the character of 007 “into the 21st century”.
Supposedly Richard Curtis is involved as well (that’s Richard “let’s kill children who question climate change” Curtis, the cunt).
Plus of course those unfit-for-purpose halfwits Purvis & Wade and the turd icing on the cake Daniel “wingnut shortarse” Craig.
Apart from having his character ripped apart by every female member of the film’s cast, I’m guessing that a Boyle directed Bond will turn to hard drugs, saw his own arm off to escape a trap, go to a rave, use a pushbike instead of an Aston Martin, jump out of a helicopter with the Queen into a big stadium and pop up in two really shit Inspector Morse episodes (how fucking drunk must they have got Colin Dexter to get him to sign his name to “Masonic Mysteries” and “Cherubim and Seraphim”?).
This at least proves one thing, there is no entertainment anymore, just propaganda.
Fleming and Cubby are rotating in their graves…
(And Connery and Brosnan are probably laughing their arses off)
Nominated by Mr Bastard