Alex Salmond [9]

Roll out the Bagpipes, warm up the Hagis, Toss the Cabar and drink a wee dram to the impending down fall of one of the most odious characters in UK Politics in recent memory, Alex fucking Salmond aka Jabba the Hut

What a supersized cunt fuck this cunt is. How joyous to see this fat, pompous fucking windbag finally getting nailed for apparent misdemeanours, and even more joyous to see Wee Jimmy Krankie Sturgeon turn her back on him. Salmond is one of the most egotistical politicians of modern times: he lorded over Scotland with an arrogant self-assurance that screamed Cunt! He was responsible for the so-called White Paper on independence, which was a 600-page fantasy based on lies, deceit and manipulated statistics. When faced with genuine questions throughout the Independence Referendum campaign his stock answer was ‘I simply don’t accept that’.

Rumours have been whispered for years about various misdemeanours, but nothing has come to the fore until now. Salmond thinks he is untouchable. His decision to sue the Scottish Government was intended to put them off going public with the accusations of sexual harassment. However, they have called Jabba’s bluff and announced that there were ‘significant inaccuracies’ in Salmond’s account, that will come out in court.

I pray that the evidence is compelling and that he becomes the latest member of the #inappropriatebehaviour club. A two-year stretch, courtesy of Her Majesty, in Barlinnie, would be just the job. I hope he ends up in the same bloc as some big fuck-off Orange hard bastards who would really prefer that Scotland stayed in the United Kingdom. Either that or an 18-stone Nationalist tranny who’s always had a crush on him.

What a cunt

Nominated by CuntyMcCuntface

Alex Salmond [7]


Alex Salmond, former First Minister of Scuntland, is a right cunt!

Instead of cunting his barren wife he cunted Scuntland instead and when the cunt didn’t get the result he wanted he fucked off and left another proper cunt in charge.

Nominated by: Lord Cuntingdong

Alex Salmond [6]


Alex Salmond has fallen. It is customary for the political classes to come together to heap paens of praise upon their fellows whom they despise the most when they have come a cropper. Such a moment has again come in British political life. It is now Salmond’s turn to drink from that insincere and poisoned chalice as our leaders deliver their eulogeous obituaries. As a student orf history and as one who has lived through many such events in a blessedly long and cuntakerous life, may I add a few thoughts in honour orf the man.

Salmond, you fuck faced bulging eyed tosser, you have made it your living to dredge up every last racist prejudice from the sullen constituency orf resentful retards that you represent. Over the years you have pandered to their failure and like some jocko Hitler, have nurtured their festering inadequacy into a howling mob and unleashed it upon the English. You promised them a tartan paradise and like so many shite arsed jocko warlords before you have led them to ignominious defeat. Welcome to your Culloden you cunt.

On occasion you have a certain celtic fluidity with the English language and in the ears of your followers, the facility to turn shite into gold. Only problem is old sport that under the penetrating eye orf the television camera the ready smile and the generous bonhomie that you effect when it suits you is revealed to be as fake as fuck and merely the well worn artifice orf a professional politician. In faith, you come acrorss as a smug cunt. Like any true Scotsman you are the first to take English gold and all the trappings that come with your grace and favour lifestyle.

Worth noting that the cunt has been on the left wing trot and awkward squad wing orf the SNP and a long time devotee orf the socialist/republican cadre within it, hence Her Majesty’s dismay at any hint orf referendum success. Much has been made orf the cunt’s childless marriage to a woman 17 years his senior and I make no comments over claims orf impotence but I merely observe that that wobbly gut on the cunt coupled with a small cock makes for a simple natural method orf birth control.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

Dimbleby on Scotland


Have been keeping me head well down out orf line orf fire orf all this referendum bollocks. Twas until I thought I might watch the Dimblebum interview with Brown and Salmond. Might see Salmond put to the question at last. Ha! More fool me. Usual BBC hatchet and toady.Two separate interviews. Brown on first and hardly allowed to give an answer without interruption then next Salmond allowed to comment on everything Brown said while Dimblebum sucks his cock and fails to ask him one penetrating question.

Thought Brown stood up quite well to his onslaught while the slippery Salmond cunt oozed more oil than a deep fried Mars bar. But bugger me, this was the apogee of debate over a matter so crucial to the nation. News generally seemed to be reporting that with over 80% now registered to take part in the referendum and polls still neck and neck with both sides scrambling to capture the allegiance of those that usually cannot be arsed to vote ie dossers, crack arsed single mums and pissed old fuck pensioners in shitty underwear.

Thus the fate of this sour nation of inbred celts, norse and scumbags, that prides itself on having once been the Athens of the North, is to be decided on the basis orf which side will provide the highest level of benefits. And how are their pledges to be paid for? The No campaign have that worked out. They will keep the Barnet Formula which means that the English will continue to have the pleasure orf paying for it. Salmond’s mob have not a clue other than somehow the English will have the pleasure orf paying for it. All based on the length orf their hair or some such.

Makes one proud to be one nation.

Oh and fright orf the night was to see Nicola Sturgeon in her new makeup based on Morticia from The Addams Family.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke