Daily Archives: September 17, 2016

The Paralympics [2]

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The Paralympics is a cunt because there’s no decent events. Someone mentioned on here the thalidomide javelin contest. The morbidly obese high diving would have been a good event too and I’ve always fancied seeing Tourette’s Weight Lifting having thrown out a random “BASTARD!” and “CUNT!” meself when lifting heavy objects such as the odd piano. I’m cheerfully spaggy as well now with a lame foot, progressive deafness and cataracts not to mention other shit. Having bronchiectasis, I fancied competing in the blow football competition should it have been an event. I can hear the commentary: “There’s some phlegm on the pitch, they think it’s all over…..cough splat!”

Nominated by: Alan Fistula

I can admire some of the events in the paralympics like armless archery, wheelchair basketball, or legless sprinting but some of it I just don’t get. How does having a missing hand impair bike riding or being a dwarf stop you swimming?

Which brings me on to Ellie Simmonds. There’s something about her overbearing arrogance that just gets right up my hooter!

Mind you, if there was a dwarf throwing contest with her as the dwarf, I’d pay to watch that…

Nominated by: Dioclese

Aerosol Tea

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The end of the world is coming and the proof is in these cans of squirty tea, apparently it’s a Tea volution… see what they have done there Clever eh..NO YOU FUCKERS not clever at all.
Apparently the humble tea bag is now redundant with this new mucked about better version.

It’s claims are these.
1. Properly brewed better tasting tea
2. No more used Tea bags to dispose of
3. Easily controls the strength of your tea
and
4. Hotter Tastier tea in an instant.

FUCK OFF!

Jesus whatever next!?! I like my cuppa, it’s natural and not mucked about by too many things, this new tea in a can is an abomination and needs consigning to the rubbish bin of history without further a do . As for the people who designed and marketed it I hope they are drowned in a swimming accident on the Kent coast. Because clearly they are nearly as stupid as people who don’t know how to swim safely in the sea around Britain.

Maybe they can get beardy girl to market it for them that should push sales “you too can have facial hair like her, Just drink squirty tea in a fucking can” .

I think I need a sick bucket!

Nominated by: Kath Gillon

Football fans

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Football fans who refer to their club as “we”

We’ll challenge for the title, that was the year we did the double, we were unlucky there….

Fuck off with the we, you did fuck all and probably watched 99 percent of that success from your living room on Sky Sports.

Nominated by: Mr Cuntypants

Football fans in general are cunts. They buy overpriced club shirts, bore the tits off anyone stupid enough to listen while they talk about the latest wog that their club has spunked millions of pounds on,witter on about players as if they were “mates” with the cunts, hence the Giggsy, Scholesy, Becks etc. crap,get shit tattooes,and worst of all,give a platform for those cunts Lineker, Shearer and Ian Wright to spout their utter tomcuntery.

Rugby,cricket and horse racing are the only sports worth following.

Nominated by: Dick Fiddler