The Conservative Party

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The Conservative Party are cunts.

In the interests of balance, it’s worth pointing out what unimpressive cunts the current crop of Tories are. Without the twin liability of Chicken Dave and Gideon the Towel-Folder (and Aussie cunt Lynton Crosby pulling the strings behind the scenes), the Tories could – and should – be doing a hell of a lot better. Their rampant scaremongering and barefaced lies don’t seem to be convincing anyone other than die-hard Tories or they would have broken ahead in the polls long before now. It’s no surprise that Chicken Dave’s “Contract Between The Conservative Party and You” that appeared in the Press throughout the 2010 campaign has mysteriously vanished from the Tory website and has been erased from the archive too. Wonder why that could be? Almost every single promise broken perhaps? Take a look above…

Given all the shit that the Tories – aided and abetted by the Mail, Express, Telegraph and Murdoch titles – have been hurling at the hopeless cunt Miliband for months, you’d expect him to have obligingly topped himself by now, not be level-pegging with Chicken Dave at this stage of the game. I mean for fuck’s sake, Miliband is such an easy target on so many levels, yet the cuntly Tories can’t seem to hit him effectively, let alone deliver a knockout blow. In the current political climate maybe it’s impossible for any politician to persuasively claim the moral, intellectual or economic highground. It’s like asking people to choose between Ian Huntley or Ian Brady. Brady is schizophrenic whereas Huntley is a psychopath, but they both murdered children, so in the end it’s six of one and half a dozen of the other.

Perhaps, like me, the general public despises these cunts equally. I’m hoping for a hung parliament – my definition of which sees Cameron, Clegg and Miliband dangling from a noose side by side on a specially adapted gallows built for three.

Nomimated by: Fred West

God

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Let’s see….
God makes the Earth and makes people and says “If you’re good I’ll let you into heaven and you’ll be happy forever, and if you’re evil you’ll go to hell.” But he already knows if they’re going to turn out good or evil because he’s omniscient, and as he’s omnipotent as well he could have made everyone good and put them in heaven to start with, so he’s wasted seven days of his own time.

And if he made man in his own image then he’s a cunt. It all makes perfect sense. You can see why millions of people dedicate their lives to religion.

Nominated by: Allan