Being denied the chance to pitch my “Celebrity Voodoo Dolls” on Dragon’s Den is a Cunt.

I have been obsessionally working for minutes on an idea that I’m sure will benefit the mental well-being of the nation and earn me a modest fortune….it is,like so many brilliant ideas, actually rather simple.I take an old sock,shit in it,tie it up and stick a “celebrity” face on it…I then douse it in petrol and set it alight….at the moment the remains of my Beckham family shite-bags are smouldering gently on the lawn and you can’t imagine the pleasure I got from watching the whole revolting clan burst into flames.
I feel sure that my invention will be as popular as the printing-press or electricity…who in their right mind would turn down the chance to take out all their frustrations at the absurdity of modern life by tormenting a “celebrity”? and when my Royal Family range of dung-dolls hits the shelf….well,I’m sure you agree,the sky’s the limit.

BBC told me to “Fuck Off”…probably because I’m not a sooty tranny in a cripple chariot…I’ll give Richard Branson a call…he can always recognise a good business opportunity and I’ve actually got a Branson shit-doll already prepared so the video that I’ll pitch to him of me giggling like a Prince Andrew victim as I set fire to a truly lifelike representation of his Good Self should go down a storm.

Brace yourself for my appearance on Loose Women.

Nominated by: Dick Foxchaser-Fiddler

This nom is a little late given that the cunt in question has been dead for over 2000 years but please bear with me.

The cunt in question is Plato. Surely this esteemed philosopher, the inventor of the simile of the cave and author of The Republic cannot be a cunt I hear you protest.

Plato was an Athenian. As everyone knows the Athenians invented democracy. One man one vote. Well, not exactly, slaves couldn’t vote, women, couldn’t vote,, only male citizens of suitable standing could. Couldn’t have the oiks who outnumbered the elites taking over could you? They’d invent socialism or something and take over wouldn’t they?

Well anyway, Plato was very much one of the elite and a patrician cunt too by all accounts.

He hated democracy, because he thought even the incomplete form of it practiced by the Athenians gave too much power to the oiks who weren’t educated enough to understand the complexities of what they were voting on.

So far so good you may think and have some sympathy with this point of view. This is still a current debate around voting age. Remember many in Labour have called to lower the voting age to 16. Note also the argument was made frequently and loudly after the Brexit vote that the plebs didn’t know what they were voting for by the chattering classes.

But Plato’s solution as espoused in The Republic was that no one should have a vote at all. They should instead be ruled over by an elite class of ‘philosopher kings’. In effect Plato invented technocracy. Of course Plato wanted to be head king.

Well he didn’t get his way but the idea survived. Technocracy is on the rise. Plato’s academy today is uber cunt Klaus Schwab’s World Economic Forum, which churns out disciples and wannabe philosopher kings like Macron and Trudeau. You know, smug cunts that know better than you and therefore want to control every aspect of your lives.

As a final observation I will just point out that the laws of 500 million people in Europe are made by an unelected ‘Commission’. Plato would be proud.

Nominated by: Berkshire Huntmaster

It began with The British Library ‘decolonising’ its books. Now get this:

Maths is racist. Yes, it’s too white.

Daily Mail Link

“A new guide has urged professors at Durham University to make their maths curriculum ‘more inclusive’ and to consider the ‘cultural origins’ of concepts they teach.”

WTF?

I’m no mathematician (just scraped O level) but pretty sure that 2+2=4 has fuck all to do with skin colour or ethnicity.

Naturally this nonsense originates from America. Decolonise maths, give me a fucking break.

How many fingers am I holding up, Winston?

Nominated by: Minge Juice Bottler

Shouty manic voiced numbskulls doing voice overs on adverts on radios and Radio presenters.

Why do they have to shout about everything as if they’re about to be attacked by a lion or the buildings on fire. You’ll send yourselves to an early grave with your constant frantic shouting you twats.

I bought a DAB radio years ago and I enjoyed listening to it on Saturday afternoon and Sundays.

I don’t know at what point this started to become a ‘thing’ but the constant shouting thing has made me just put CDs on in the car or listen to the music on my phone.

It tends to be more common on the radio stations aimed at “da yoof”.

Also how many different Absolute radio stations do they need FFS!

I don’t have a link I’m afraid Admin. But if you listen to any popular radio station such as Crapital or Absolute (Shite) radio for more than 5 minutes, you’ll understand what I mean.

Nominated by: Harold

E-On fucking Next

On March 11th I paid them just shy of £300.

Today they inform me that I owe them a further 135 notes to be paid within 7 days.

Next month (they cheerfully inform me) I can expect an even bigger kick in the bollocks courtesy of the escalating cost of fuel procurement.

Me and Mrs Gripper live in a 3 bed semi with no other dependents.

Unused bedrooms are isolated from the heating circuit and doors left closed.

We think we’re pretty frugal in our electricity and gas usage and still we get lumbered with costs like this.

How the fuck the average family with all radiators on, cookers, washers dryers, all rooms lit, multiple tvs, stereos, computers, games consoles etc are going to cope with this doesn’t bear thinking about.

My heart goes out to them.

E-On are assuring customers that they are working hard to source their supplies at the lowest cost possible.

MSN News Link
(Link provided by Part Time Admin – PTA)

I don’t believe them, they’re not going to let peoples poverty get in the way of an opportunity like this to maximise profits.

And the catchphrase these thieving swine bags use in their correspondence?

Here’s to a brighter future, together.

Cunts.

Nominated by: Gristlegripper