is a pant-wetting cunt.

The article is quite lengthy, must have been a very slow news day, so I’ll summerise.

Rebecca lives in Cornwall and was at her job cleaning a holiday let, when a thunderstorm started. She’d opened the windows, because it was hot ( and presumably to air the place out) when a bolt of lightening struck very close by, and frightened her so much that she pissed herself!

Why on Earth would you want to share that with anyone, much less the readership of Cornwall News?
What was so fucking newsworthy that it merited such a lengthy article?

There’s a lovely photo part way down the article, for me it’s a hard choice between the dog and the family pet!

Cornwall news

Nominated by Jeezum Priest.

(Better late than never. Fill yer boots – NA)

Royal UK News.

It’s taken us 500 years to offer Johnny Frog the return leg of the Field of the Cloth of Gold, but better late than never I suppose. Ace negotiator and self-proclaimed hard bastard Quare Rodney is so desperate for a few crumbs of comfort to fall from Napoleon’s table than the entire British establishment is wheeled out to lick French derriere.

Receiving the Prime Minnow’s unconditional surrender of his own arse and our fish and borders, Monsieur le President gives what in return? A risible weekly swap of 50 immos each way. Is that it?

This whole expensive farrago, from Rodney’s craven capitulation to Jug Ears’ comical speech in French, has been an utter national embarrassment. Napoleon must be laughing his coq off at how easily the British roll over for a tummy rub. And looking at all the handy hiding space in the garment Granny Macron wore for the banquet, I hope Jug Ears counted the cutlery before and after.

But here’s the thing. Despite perfect boating weather, Calais Yacht Club arrivals at Dover have been zero from 3 days before the visit. Why would that be? Could it be that for once the French police were ordered to do their jobs (for which we’ve shovelled 3/4 billion smackers their way) and they’ve stopped Captain Pugwash and his merry band leaving the French coast for a few days? We don’t want any embarrassing news stories spoiling the party, do we?

No wonder Napoleon looks so smug. We give him all this pomp and circumstance when he’d have been perfectly happy just playing Brokeback Mountain again with Rodney.

Addendum

Last day of the pantomime today, the dam has burst and the Third World is swarming across the Channel once more. Anyone doubt that the ‘deal’ will be scuppered by the EU in due course?

Napoleon is taking the oui oui.
And as for Quare – a spineless, craven, genuflecting, pusillanimous, embarrassing, sycophantic, grovelling, knee-bending fellator.

Nominated by : Geordie Twatt

Seconded by Cunt of the Isles

Seconded, With this news headline.

Starmer says ‘one in, one out’ migrant deal with France to begin within weeks – BBC News.

Upon first reading of headline, I assumed it to be one into France equals same one into UK from France but alas no, I was not far off.
It claims the illegal boat enthusiasts will be returned to France where we will happily swap them for a non boat enthusiast.

Net result, Starmer has signed us up to accept who knows how many undocumented people while France gets rid of some.

requires a firm cunting.

It seems the mad drunken abbos have taken four years to decide that British colonists committed genocide in 1834,including the foulest of crimes known to man “linguicide”..

It doesn’t seem to have occurred to these mental bushmen that if we hadn’t turned up to sort their fly blown desert of a country out for them they’d still be living outside eating grubs and marrying kangaroos.

Naturally now the truth is out we can expect a hefty bill for reparations,which of course our government will pay in full at once.

I wonder when we will get round to sending Sweden a bill for the Vikings pillaging our villages and upsetting monks in 873?

Dear me, tie me kangaroo down sport..

bbcnews

Nominated by Unkle Terry.

Zarah is such a silly little girl, isn’t she? – I bet she was still wetting her nappies in infant school because she couldn’t hold on or couldn’t control herself. This little M.P announced yesterday that she was leaving the Labour Party (she got suspended last year) to start up and co-lead a new left wing party with Jeremy Corbyn. So far, so good, – anything that splits the Labourite vote can only be a good thing for us grown-ups BUT the silly girl announced she would “co-lead” the party with JC BEFORE he knew about it, which has led to red faces above the grey beard. Splits in the leadership BEFORE the party has even started?

What a pity – it might all come to nought now – if organised properly Duckie Nurse Streeting would probably have lost Ilford North as his majority is only 451, but will it happen now?

Most of the “new” party will clearly be Islamic malcontents, but no matter. I suspect Kweer will need more than the under 18 vote and his Tin-Tin quiff , and his bunch of right-on nancy boys and bulldykes to win again

Daily Fail

Nominated by W C Boggs and seconded by Ron Knee below.

May I heartily second this splendid nom from Mr B.

I honestly don’t know why that moribund old antisemite commie ‘Ohhhh Jeremy’ Corbyn doesn’t do us all a favour and simply put his feet up with a mug of Horlicks and a copy of the Morning Star.

As for the militant Mzzzzz Currant, well she’s right out of the student union, and into the Labour Party. And out of it.

In typical fashion, the new party hasn’t even got started before the falling out and recriminations begin over who’s leading it. It doesn’t even have a name at this point. Might I suggest ‘The Loony Tunes Party’?

adopt egg

Degeneracy is contagious.
FACT.

Now its speead to the avian world.
Gay couple Scampi and Flounder have adopted a egg.
And plan to raise it as their own.

These Elton and David of the zoo are no role model for impressionable eggs.

Swanning about in a tuxedo, camp walk, but are sick at the taste of fish.
Preferring frankfurters.
The worlds full of them!
Just be careful out there and never, NEVER pppppp pick up a penguin.

youtube

Nominated by Miserable Northern cunt.