are a cunt.

They grip my shit how they circumvent the important and concentrate on the obscure, a few examples from today’s chaff.

Beach arrest drama after report man exposed himself at Cullercoats Bay!

Hardly a fucking drama, its not like he was throwing grenades and waving a gun about.
“Officers remained in the area as part of Operation Coast watch to provide reassurance to those who had been affected.”
Fuck me, if you are traumatised by someone’s willy you have some issues, next

Reading: cars speeding up to 80mph on Redhatch Drive.

Fuck me there are probably more newsworthy issues in reading, fortunately….

Cars have been speeding up to 80mph on Reading residential road Redhatch Drive but the council “do not see a speed related concern” and “will not be investigating any further”
So, its not really of Importance, is it? Next

19 Things that would improve life in Aylesbury according to our readers,

Had to chuckle on this one, a nuclear bomb was on my list, but not theirs.

Police close suspected Surrey brothel after antisocial behaviour reports

This one pissed me off, why am I last to know, and did they do oap discount?

Mum left “terrified” after being stung over 100 times by wasps while on holiday in Skegness

Now fuck me, I burnt my arm in the cooker last week, how come that didn’t make headlines.

The most popular names for babies born in South Derbyshire last year have been revealed.

This one cheered me up, Oliver was the most popular boys name, so I may move there soon.

Man ‘held against his will’ amid reports of suspected cuckooing in Hull

Really? I don’t think anyone asks to be detained by the police, so how is this news.

Therapy dog Lola helps children cope with anxiety and trauma
“The work Lola and I do is deeply rooted in neuroscience, particularly the Polyvagal Theory – helping children and adults feel safe enough in their bodies and environments to learn, regulate and connect.”

Fuck me sideways, what is the world coming too?

Royal expert quashes rumours about Prince William and Kate Middleton’s plans to ‘upsize’ to Fort Belvedere

Expert my arse, how are the qualified.

Paddleboarding puts Torbay on the global map

Fucking first I heard about it!

So that’s it, todays cuntishness! The words “shocking” and “tragic” were not explored because quite often they are not.

Nominated by Lord Benny.

Imagine this. You’re a 14 year old girl, out shopping with your Mum for your first proper bra. You are excited, and probably a bit embarrassed, especially as Mum has suggested you have a proper bra fitting.

Now imagine this, as you are flicking through the racks of lacy (and plain) styles, a six foot 2 transgender assistant approaches you ( the 14 year old) and asks if they can “assist” you.

The girl freaks out and insists on leaving. Mum finds out why, and unsurprisingly, complains to M&S.

Now, I’m sorry but in what universe is this OK? I get that people have a right to live as a woman, but why on earth did this cretin think offering to help a child was appropriate when even she could see it was a cock in a frock?

M&S have apologised to the mother and daughter.

Daily Fail

Nominated by Jeezum Priest.

is a festival of cunts.

bbcnews

Pikey horse fair is a festival of cunts, these shit kickers turn a quiet village into a living hell for a couple of weeks every year and are now crying because it finally, fucking amazing it’s taken this long to talk about stopping the so called horse festival.
There with be some pikey spokesman bleating on about their rights and how misunderstood they are and how they are ostracised by every other person on the fucking planet, how hard life is(que Henry fucking Price).
These cunts deserve everything thing they get and it’s well deserved, they bring it on themselves and there is a pretty simple solution, stop thieving, conning, lying, taking over people’s land, shitting everywhere, being cruel to animals,,,,,, the fucking list is endless, just fuck off and stay fucked off until you can behave like normal people……. STOP BEING CUNTS, you may find the public opinion of your type improving…

Nominated by Fuglyucker.

is a cunt.

Swindon advertiser

This venerable body have published advice on what to do if you find an injured mouse or rat in your garden.

Use a towel to pick it up, gardening gloves should be worn as injured animals may nip. Place in a plastic ( not cardboard) container. Put them in a safe place out of reach of family pets. Contact a wildlife charity or vet for advice on getting treatment.
As a cautionary note, as you’re now St. Francis of Assisi, be prepared for the animal to be euthanised!

Fuck that for a game of soldiers! Are these cunts mad? Take a disease ridden rodent to a vet? Not on planet Priest.

JPs advice. Get your shovel out of the shed. Wear gardening gloves as a wood splinter hurts like a bastard. Using the sharp edge decapitate the fucking thing. Now, using the flat side scoop the remains and either place in your garden incinerator or in a plastic bag, which you should then knot and place in your household waste bin.

Nominated by Jeezum Priest.

Like a cheap rip off of Harry & Meghan Hewitt’s paranoid exploits, The Beckham Family continue to add fuel t0o the SM flames, mainly through the simple looking young son Romeo (with a name like that he had to be either a pooftah or a drama queen). Just like dad this 22 year old waste of space has had a new tattoo added to his body, which is believed to be a “snub” to his older brother, who, from what one reads his ugly mother (soon to be seen. stark bollock, in a famine relief advert for Gaza) was trying groom for an Oedipus Complex (Oedipus, shneedepus, what does it matter, as long as he loves his mother?). When Dave was kicking a football about and being the ignoramous he was (and is), she promoted him as “head of the house” and her little man.

There must be a comedy series there and after the bat shit crazy Ozzy Osbourne’s passing, the Beckhams could become the biggest thing since Steptoe & Son.

Why don’t they all shut the fuck up and continue their squabbles in private?

Daily Fail

Nominated by W C Boggs.