‘Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s Social Affairs Correspondent Ron Knee speaking. In these worrying times, we strive to bring you stories from the lighter, not to say zanier, side of life. Today, we’re going Down Under to hear the heartwarming love story of “Rod” (not his real name). So, “Rod”, tell us all about it’.
‘Yeah g’day all. Well, I was feelin’ a bit down on account of my sheila had fucked off an’ left me. I was in need of female companionship, so I shelled out $2k and sent off for a life size Barbie. I call her Karina. Say hello to the nice man Karina’.
*’Arro beeg boy (whirrr…clunk) spankee spankee fifty dollar*.
‘Yeah sorry about that cobber. I think she came from the Far East originally; Korea or some such place’.
‘No worries, as you Aussies say. So how are things between you then?’.
‘Well between you an’ me sport, I’m frazzled. She’s got all the right parts, if you follow me, and all I need to do is leave her plugged in over night an’ she goes fer hours. I’ve lost a stone since I got her. And she does a great prawn on the barbie. Fair dinkum’.
‘Quite. Now I understand that things are getting serious between you, and that in fact you introduced Karina to your mother at Christmas. How did that work out?’.
‘Well I’ve got to say that at first, things were a bit awkward. The old girl’s 85 and set in her ways, and she didn’t take kindly to me takin’ up with “some foreign tart”, as she put it. But after a few tinnies an’ a turkey dinner, the ice was fair broken. Now they do make up an’ go out shoppin’ together, and get on like a house on fire’.
‘That’s great news. Well, I’m sure that I speak for all our followers when I wish you all the best for the future, and a happy ending for you both’.
*Happee ending beeg boy? Fifty dollar*.
‘Well as we often say on here, it really does take all sorts of cunts. This is Ron Knee, for IsAC, returning you to the studio’.
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Nominated by: Ron Knee
