DPD are cunts, with a side cunting for Sharps Brewery.
My middle nephew ordered some beers for my birthday and, needless to say, the delivery guy kept coming while I was at work. He (the nephew) therefore cancelled it and sent me a £25 voucher for Sharps brewery instead.
I bought a crate of beers which DPD have managed not to deliver another two times. I therefore paid an extra £4.99 to guarantee delivery today (Sunday) between 12pm and 6pm.
I thought I’d check my email to see if the delivery twat had come before then and found an email saying that my delivery will now arrive on Monday, when I will be at work.
Useless fucking cunts.
Nominated by: Dark key cunt
Never had a problem with DPD in the 15 years we’ve used them. Always arrive in the hour time slot they give you, parcel’s never damaged, nice friendly drivers. If a online firm doesn’t have DPD as a option for delivery, I order elsewhere. Sorry can’t agree with that part of the cunting. Good morning Gents🤗
9
Same here, DPD is the only delivery company I trust with stuff.
4
If your nephew is ordering beers for you online, then it’s probably from one of those hipster micro-breweries who do coke can-sized, fruity IPAs that taste like the liquid emanations of a 20 year old male cat.
My Brother bought my Dad some of those for his birthday years ago and my Dad couldn’t get through a single can. Hell, even I could barely get through a can and the rest went down the sink. Anybody who knows me will tell you that the idea of wasting beer is a sin to me……. which can only mean that it ain’t beer.
Maybe the courier is performing an act of charity for which you should be grateful – he knows what it is and is saving you the experience of per-swig grimacing and gut rot.
14
A while ago I received a special edition box of ales from a microbrewery in London. In those days I would have drank anything, but this piss was special. – liquid muck.
It must have comprised of bog water, pieces of shite with a dash of ethanol/Old Spice.
I no longer drink.
7
I’ve not tried the liquid enamations of a 20 year old cat; where can I get these? Do Waitrose do it?
7
I ordered 12 bottles of Antlantic Pale Ale, TITS. Decent beer that would have been have been cheaper, if I hadn’t had to pay the extra charge. That said, I’m happy they’re here (the beers). The nephews are all right. The third has some issues but, in general, they’re all right.
1
A family member sent me a hamper for Christmas via DPD. They claimed to have tried to deliver it twice but missed us (they didn’t – we were in both times). Then they took it back to the supplier, who then sent a replacement. Same thing happened again and I was given the same bollocks – they ‘missed us’ my arse.
They said they would deliver it 3 days later, but the next day the Missus spotted the DPD van in our street, flagged it down, and some swarthy little foreign cunt who couldn’t speak a word of English had it on board with him. So I finally got my Christmas hamper on 13th January.
Good nomination Dark key – DPD are cunts alright.
16
Much obliged, Sir.
1
I have the dpd app so you can check where they are, or change your delivery slot..
I have had no problems with them..
Even when ordering beer online.
Never ask for id or date of birth like the amazon dopes.
7
It all depends on the driver. Our Evri driver (Jack) is mustard and I always give him 5 star reviews.
Many Amazon drivers are dooshka dooshka or Pat Boones and are as much use as an ashtray on a motorbike.
15
Yeah they are all dooshkas in my area.. Skulking up the drive in grubby tracksuits from a grubby white van. Drop the package at the door like its a drug deal then walk away without a word.
Makes you proud to be British.
I don’t order anyway near as much ftom Bezos Fulfillment Co. as I used to. Riddled with Chink crap.
9
*anywhere
1
Totally random it appears. Which is surprising as I thought everything was controlled and monitored. Hey ho, what do I know.
What pisses me off is when you take in a parcel for a neighbour and they don’t put a note through their door. So your porch has a dirty great box hanging around for a few days. I’m following them and making sure they do leave a note now.
8
I agree.They are shite.
6
DPD no problems in my neck of the woods, either … UPS, on the other hand, …. (The office end of things, moreso than the drivers) … useless bunch of fuckin’ tools!
3
Perhaps the delivery company are thinking that anyone who orders beer is a lazy slob who spends his entire day wearing pyjama bottoms and a string vest, sitting on a setee watching Judge Judy.
They reckon that you would be at home most of the time as you have no friends to socialise with.
On this occasion they are wrong….. Obviously.
3
It all comes down to the driver,our delivery people are spot on..but occasionally we’ll get some Cunt who just ran up the beach with his “asylum” claim in his greasy hand,they can’t drive or speak English so fuck knows how they get a job and avoid prison for killing some poor cunt with their van.
Oh wait,it’s Soft Touch Britain enriching us again.
20
I’m lucky enough to have a brewery near me who deliver, with their own van, next day. Fucking lovely range of beers too.
Anyway, seems like you have a rogue DPD driver in your area, they’re usually pretty good.
You have nothing but my undying sympathy.
A missing beer delivery is up there with a donated organ being mislaid in transit.
8
Try using Yodel…..!!!!
Makes DPD look like super hero delivery men..
12
Getting between a man and his beer is unforgivable.
100% sanctioned cunting!
8
Coming from oop North I don’t know whether it’s just that sharps brewery doesn’t travel well but of the odd pint I’ve had I thought it’s called doom bar for a reason 🤮
But each to their own I guess and for me you can’t beat a good hand pulled ale in your local instead of cans or bottles, the choice unfortunately of ale houses is rapidly diminishing and the heritage that goes with the great british pub will die……The nag’s head-turkish barber shop…..The king’s arms-vape shop….The Church inn-snack bars mosque, etc fucking etc.
Good health and cheers 🍻 oh and our DPD is ok better than doom bar!
5
Don’t mind a pint of Doom Bar at the pub.
2
Doom Bar is a good pint.
0
They are ALL the same….
We had a parcel delivered, well we didn’t, they sent the photo to prove it, guess what? It was the parcel with fingers! No fucking sign of our door, the cunts.
7
The only courier I’ve had problems with is Royal Mail. Fucking atrocious, they are. By comparison, DPD, Evri, Yodel, etc, are heroic! However, I don’t use any of them to deliver my Kronenbourg. That honour goes to Sainsbury’s.
Btw, DPD is wholly owned by the French. Not a lot of people know that.
3
If “Dead Pan Dick” failed to deliver twice previously, surely its time you changed your order and use “Spitting Feathers” in future.
2
DPD aren’t great. Had trouble with an office desk for the computer after a rearrangement.
The photo was of a T-junction and it wasn’t the close where I live.
Dopey took it back to his drpot and had to try again the next day.
2
The only thing I’ve ever had delivered, was my monthly medication prescription from Boots during that farcical lockdown period. Something they’d daren’t get wrong. Otherwise I get up off my arse and collect the things for myself, or have the people l buy from, deliver things themselves.
4
I went to DPD’s Leicester warehouse. There’s a sign that says ‘Picking up?. Park here.’ I did and rang the bell and the geezer said, ‘We haven’t done customer interactions for years!’ What a cunt!
1
They are the only company who have spectacularly failed to ever deliver anything to me on time.
I’m expecting a parcel between 3:15 and 4:15 today from them. It won’t arrive, not a fucking chance. Usually they tell me they tried to deliver it, with a driver too short for my Ring doorbell or transparent to 3 CCTV cameras.
3
I looked up DPD and ended up on a specialist website whereupon I came across a lady of a certain age receiving enthusiastically the attention of two chaps with large winkies, I was mortified and had to watch for 15 minutes to be sure the filth I was looking at was real, naughty old thing she was.
5
The main trouble with having beer delivered is you have to pay.
Not only for delivery, but also for the booze itself.
Which can be quite pricey nowadays.
I pick mine up personally from the local supermarket.
It’s free of charge if you remove less than £200 worth.
3
Often order beer online as the supermarkets generally seem to only stock IPAs these days and I love a good strong stout or old ale.
DPD seem to be the only dependable company. Often have the same lady delivery driver who jokes about having more beer delivered. Arrives in the designated 1 hour slot.
DHL though are a joke. Once told me my beers were out only to return them to the warehouse. Sent a snotty message saying ‘I’m sure my beers enjoyed their little journey, but I would like to have them at some stage’. Told two days later they are damaged and so more are ordered from Fullers. They are then delayed and the original lot turn up..undamaged. 2nd lot arrive a week later.
Fullers were great gave me both lots free. Over £200 worth of ales.
1
I love a case of offshore me. I’m a black DPD driver and I nicked it.
1