Let’s face it, none of us are going to cheat a visit by the Grim Reaper… the most we can do is follow the advice from Blue Oyster Cult and try not to fear him. Most of us don’t want to be reminded of our frail mortality as life is fleeting enough already. Each year that goes by seems to disappear quicker and quicker.

I don’t watch a lot of TV, most of it is crap. However when a rare bout of curiosity sets in and I do try the idiot box, my piss always boils as nearly every other advertisement shown these days is one about planning your cremation. They show OAPs cheerfully talking about their impending Sudden Existence Failure as if it is something to look forward to, smiling whilst they talk about how lovely it is going to be when their bones are pulverised by hammers and then the fragments incinerated to ashes.

I especially hate the ones by Pure Cremation and the one with the smug twat lying in a bath going on about how lovely the funeral was they just went to. He seems to go to an awful lot of funerals and is always talking about them when having a bath; his relatives must be dropping like flies, maybe they all live in that charming village of Midsummer. Well if you like funerals that much you irritating cunt, let me speed up yours for you, that will wipe the smile off your face and give someone else a chance to use the bath.

Cremation adverts in general are all cunts, with the biggest of them being Pure Cremation.

youtube

Nominated by Chunder Tunt.

 

It’s been said before and it’s going to be said many times again; our beloved PM, Sir Kweer Smarmer, is a nauseating hypocrite.

I’m sure it’s not escaped anyone’s notice that today, 23rd April, is St George’s Day, and (stands back in amazement) ol’ TwoTier’s discovered that he’s (gasp!) a patriot, and what’s more, that the Labour Party is ‘the patriotic party’! Honestly, would you Adam an’ Eve it?

Now of course there’s absolutely nothing wrong in celebrating England and Englishness, anymore than when the Scots, the Irish or the Welsh celebrate their heritage on their national days. Naturally however, Sir Smeer can’t just deliver a cheerful message and leave it at that. Nope, he’s got, as they say, to ‘have a go’, which he does by wrapping himself in the flag of St George and niggling away at his enemies. We must ‘fight for our flag blah’ he froths, ‘we must wrench it from the hands of those who want to divide our nation burble’.

My goodness, whoever could he mean? Not ‘the far right’ racist bogeymen again, surely? And do you think, perchance, that someone has reminded him that there are elections due next month, and that Labour could do worse than try to sway us with a show of patriotism, no matter how phoney?

What an oily creep he is. The cunt’s so fucking toxic that he glows in the dark.

Daily Fail

Nominated by Ron Knee.

So this is what we have become. The cradle of the industrial revolution, the world’s first industrial superpower, reduced to an American theme park.

This pile of tacky shite is to be built on the site of what was once the world’s biggest brickworks, sacrificed some years ago to the Green Gods. And here’s Rodney, Rachel from Complaints and lardy Nandy celebrating our country’s decline into a playground for the educationally subnormal.

Ultimately 8000 jobs coming Bedfordshire’s way apparently. So that’ll be 8000 media and diversity studies ‘graduates’ dressing up as Shrek to amuse the hordes of cretinous fuckwits and their feral offspring. Meanwhile Universal will relieve said fuckwits of a month’s disposable income in one day. What a great benefit to the country it will be.

So let’s turn the whole of Britain into a theme park as that’s the way we’re going. Get culturally enriched and play ‘Dodge the Machete’ at the Notting Hill Carnival. Visit the Birmingham Soft Play Centre where the kids can bounce up and down on mountains of overflowing bin bags. Play the Government’s new lottery game – ‘Guess the number of migrants today’. The possibilities are endless.

When I was growing up I felt proud to be British. Today I’m just embarrassed.

bbcnews

Nominated by Geordie Twatt.

Following a mention in a recent thread, I decided missing Mitchell brother Dominic Littlewood need cunting again. For every BBC uber cunt like Gary Lineker or Nagging Munchabutty there are a dozen of these pricks, cunts for hire presenting braindead dross for jobless ball scratching slobs. He is like the BBC version of Yosser Hughes….gizza job…I can do that!.

The slap headed Essex monkey gimp has carved out a bit of a career on the box as some crusading consumer rights hero, fighting for the little guy and the terminally stupid not vetting tradesmen correctly with such shows as ‘Cowboy Builders’, ‘Saints and Scroungers’ and ‘Don’t Get Done, Get Dom’. All highly ironic of course as the fucking BBC and its TV license fee are one of the biggest crooks in the country.

Anyway, here is some cops from Texas tasering our Dom for making another shit TV programme.

indy100

Mirror

Nominated by Liberal Liquidator.

From a friend who works in a bank, locally…

“An Immigrant came in last week to open a bank account. Two days later he had £1,500 in Benefits paid in.
Today he came back because his card was blocked (due to suspected fraud) when trying to buy a brand new top of the range £1,300 iPhone. Our Fraud Dept. then unblocked the card and he purchased his new phone (with the benefits we gave him…).
He doesn’t need money to live on because the hotel gives him all his food and lodgings and the hotel is (fully) paid by the Government.
This was just one customer – they all do this and come in with their top of the range phones!”
Q (from me) “I thought you needed tons and tons of proof of identity and (a very) permanent address to open an account?”
A “Oh no; there are exceptions for them of course…”

My apologies Admin, there is no Link, only the link between Government Generosity and the Immigration Invasion.

cottontreetrust

nominated by Hugh🥒Cumber link by shit cake baker.