About this time last year, I was on here sticking the boot into those ubiquitous Christmas hits that you just can’t escape from, the ones that seem to be playing in every shop, supermarket, restaurant and pub.
You know the cunts I’m talking about; those utterly done-to-death tunes from the likes of the Pogues, Carey, McCartney, Louie and Slade. Having to suffer through them one more time will likely make your ears bleed.
But let’s not forget that other category of atrocities that gets poured into our long-suffering ears at this time of year. I refer of course to those ‘classic’ songs, those knackered old warhorses that get habitually dragged out of the shed come December. Those syrupy festive efforts which have turned up on every crooner’s seasonal album since recording began, from Crosby and Como, to Martin and Williams, by way of Fitzgerald and Cole.
I’m sure that just like me, you simply can’t wait to hear ‘White Christmas’ again. Let’s all be enchanted once more by ‘The Christmas Song’, ‘Winter Wonderland’, ‘It’s Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas’, and seasonal tear-jerker ‘I’ll Be Home for Christmas’. Gosh, almost forgot ‘Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!’.
Yes, the pile-on of nostalgia and emotionalism can make the stomach churn a little can’t it? However when it comes to sheer, vomit-inducing mawkishness, there’s absolutely nothing to touch maudlin sentimentality of THIS pile of ‘classic’ wank;
Truly a song written by cunts, performed by cunts, to be listened to by cunts (and let’s face it, you won’t hear it performed by a bigger cunt than this).
Go on then; from next year let’s all be together, if the fates allow, until then we’ll have to muddle through somehow, hang a shining star upon the highest bough…
*Bloooarrgh!*
Have yourself a merry little Christmas now!
Nominated by: Ron Knee
