In the spirit of the season, I would like to cunt the song One More Sleep by Leona Lewis. God I hate this pile of cunt so much.

Generic love song? Check!
Grating voice? Check!
An inability to hold high notes without sounding like a strangled cat tied to the back of Max Verstappen’s Red Bull? Check!

The worst thing though – even worse than ALL of that – is the fact that it’s endlessly overplayed. Again. And again. And AGAIN. Granted this is the case for other Christmas songs as well, but at the very least most of them aren’t completely terrible.

At least most of them don’t make me react like Richard Hammond every time he hears the merest mention of Genesis. If it wasn’t for Cuntona Lewis being Little Miss X Factor Darling this flaming hot pile of complete dogshit would be consigned to the annals of history, where it belongs.

You Tube

Nominated by: OpinionatedCunt

Jesse Darling is the ‘artist’ who has won this years Turner Prize for her exhibition of crowd control barriers, barbed wire and tattered Union Jack flags that apparently reflect her view of the effects of austerity, Brexit, the pandemic, the “hostile environment” of immigration policy and modern British life in general.

“You have to love something to be able to critique it. I was born in this country and I’m looking at what’s going on here. I wanted to make a work that reflected that, and I wanted to make work about Britain and the British public” said Darling.
Judges gushed about her use of common objects like barriers, hazard tape, office files and net curtains “to convey a familiar yet delirious world. Invoking societal breakdown, his presentation unsettles perceived notions of labour, class, Britishness and power”.

Wow! That’s a lot to digest there. Here is me thinking it was a load of old shite that should have been thrown in a skip. I must be missing the nuances of the net curtains and the anti-pigeon spikes. Look, no-one is pretending the country is in a great state because it isn’t but this pile of crap and the waffling of arty farty bellends is both patronizing to people struggling and minimizes the very real problems we face. Maybe a piece on the attack of free speech, radical gender ideology in schools and the denigration of British history would be a more appropriate commentary?

She will now probably be considered the new enfant terrible of the British art world when really its just terrible art. My entry of a rainbow coloured dog shit with an EU flag planted in it was “thought-provoking” but ultimately lacked depth and didn’t speak to the judging panel. Maybe I should have stuck it on top of a traffic cone?

BBC News

*Jesse Darling is transgender and in the write-up I refer to her as a female because biological sex is real and it isn’t my job to validate her mental disorder.

Nominated by: Liberal Liquidator

All Turkish league football is suspended indefinitely. Just because some fat cunt went on the pitch to twat a referee. Even major disasters like Munich 1958 and Hillsborough didn’t stop the game, and that’s when people died.

But a ref gets a clout and everything grinds to a halt? What a load of shit. When Eric Cantona decked that piece of turd at Selhurst, the reaction to that was mass hysteria. But this? It’s totally off the scale. I thought Turks were men’s men. But they seem to be softarsed easily offended mards as much as everyone else.

And that Turkish referee…. What a shithouse.

Laid up in a hospital bed, with a neck brace on. One punch doesn’t cause that. Visits from the President and God knows how many newspaper exclusives and TV appearances.

The cunt is going to get a bonanza.. All that because of a black eye. What a cunt.

Sky Sports News

Nominated By: Norman

She’s a babe no mistake, C.A.

Here is one definitely for the ISAC Horn Section.

Does anyone remember Miss Jones from the old Leonard Rossiter ITV series Rising Damp?. Miss Jones was a frankly plain, middle aged woman, one of life´s failures, who thought that every man who looked at her was a potential rapist or suitor. She really shouldn´t have worried because poor Miss Jones was destined to remain a virgin all her years.

She came to mind when I read this really risible story abut the horse faced Brummie MP:

Before you get to the tits, you see the face, and anyone looking at her big misshapen choppers, even if they hadn´t heard the harsh ungrateful voice or smelt the halitosis, would, I should think/hope have been put off.

What is it with these ageing harridans that gives them the idea they are men magnets?. I bet even ¨Mr. Phillips¨ finds it hard to utter the Mellors words to Connie: ´open up, yeah open the gates, and let the King of glory come in¨. By the look of him, a bit of occasional bum sex is the best she can hope for. As soon as he finds the axle grease for lube.

I wonder if WE paid for her lard reduction on ´expenses´?.

This deluded old cow could become a government minster next year, along with the walking compost heap Anal Ease Dodds and Labour bike Angie Rayner. What a thought.

Daily Fail

Nominated by W. C. Boggs.

A festive ‘is this really the best you can do?’ cunting for the BBC’s Christmas telly schedule.

Here in brief is what you could tune into. Ancient films like ‘The Sound Of Music’. More of the same shows that they put on all year round, like ‘Strictly’ and ‘Call the Midwife’, but call ‘Christmas Specials’. Repeats of the same shows that they used to put on all year round in nineteen canteen, like ‘The Vicar of Dribble’ and ‘Dad’s Army’, and called ‘Christmas Specials’ back then (oh goody, ‘another chance to see’ something I might have missed the first fifty times around).

And stunningly, a murder in ‘Bellenders’. It’s aht uv aw-dur, but Christmas just wouldn’t be Christmas wivaht all the usual seasonal misery in Walford. And the King, Gawd bless yer, yer ‘ighness, yer an hexarmple to us all.

And wait for it, wait for it… the Beeb’s jewel in its festive crown, a ‘Crimbo Special’ from that Titan amongst comedies ‘Mrs Brown’s Boys’. Laugh? I promise you, you’ll never start.

What exciting and original programme making. Stunning and brave stuff. What value for the licence payers. They’ll be glued to their screens over the holidays.

Hope all you woke Guardianista cunts at the Beeb reflect on a year that you’ll no doubt consider well spent. Then just fuck off, because we don’t think that it was.

Lad Bible

Nominated by: Ron Knee