Gary Barlow [2]

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I’d like to nominate myself, Gary Barlow OBE, as a cunt.

Firstly, is there any need for me to forcefeed myself upon the UK nation on every fucking TV programme, radio show and live event possible? No, I just do it cus I fucking love myself and you cunts need to see how fucking good I am. And because I can. And I’m such a cunt that if you’ve got a problem with it my mate the Queen, who I may add is nearly as much of a cunt as me, will fucking deport you to Cuntville, Cuntucky.

What makes me even more of a cunt is that I strut around giving it the biggun with my tight jeans showing off my not overly impressive package doing a load of charity fundraising, getting the public to donate all their cash to those African cunts who would rather walk 20 miles each way to the river rather than just build a fucking house closer (WTF?!), whilst stashing all my own cash off-shore away from HMRC so I can spend it on increasing my own cuntishness.

I don’t even want to be recognised as a cunt, I’m just so much of a cunt I can’t help but fucking nominate myself!

So, in summary, you can all vote for me as cunt of the fucking year or whatever this cuntyshit is, or I’ll fistfuck your daughters and shit in your biscuit barrel.

Nominated by: Gary Barlow OBE

Gary Barlow is indeed a top class cunt… A talentless, royalist, Tory voting knobhead who is alternately up either Simon Cowell or James Corden’s vast arses…

That prancing, poncing fruit, Robbie Williams is also a cunt. That Soccer Aid (someone should tell the mincing balloon it’s called football!) is a load of shite… Even if Williams plays shit and does fuck all (which he always does) and even if his ‘team’ loses the little shit always picks up the trophy on TV… What a self basting cunt!

Nominated by: Norman Whiteside

Gary, can you tell me why you sound like Dave from the Royal family?

Is it because you’re a tax dodging cunt?
Is it because you’re an Elton John loving queer penis fondling cunt?
Is it because you let cunty simian featured Plobby Williams back for good?
Is it because you’re mates with fat face Dave cunting Camo (the fat prick)?
Is it because you can write shit music endlessly?

Who knows. Who cares.
You’re just a cunt.

Nominated by: Hurling Dervish

Michael Fabricant

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Michael Fabricant needs to be set upon with a flame thrower such is the revulsion for the little fucking rug muncher.

He’s a fucking two tone wig wearing ponce if ever there was one.

Having said that, the cunt deserves a medal for threatening rent a gob-shite Jasmin alab-fucking-whatever-the -septic-old-arab-rag-head cunts name is. If I had the chance, I’d fucking chop suey her fucking gizzard an’ all.

Nominated by: Hurling Dervish

Tolkien

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Tolkien? Fucking Tolkien?

Tolkien is the most overrated writer since that cunt Shakespeare. Pages and pages of barely readable drivel with the occasional good scene does not a classic make. Tolkien wrote one good (kids) book but The Lord of the Rings trilogy is utter bollocks. The Return of the King is utter shite; all that fucking dross to get to a totally crap ending.

Peter Jackson is also a cunt.

Nominated by: Cunt’s Mate Cunt

I’ve tried. I really have. But Ican’t get past the first twenty minutes of Lord of the Rings without falling asleep from sheer absolute bloody boredom. It’s shite. Absolute fucking shite.

Fuck knows why everybody raves about it. Why would you pay good money to go to the cinema and watch this crap? It’s beyond me. It really is…

Nominated by : Dioclese

Rolf Harris [3]

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This an emergency cunting of Rolf Harris following his conviction on TWELVE counts of kiddy-fiddling.

We all know Harris did “Two Little Boys” in the 1960′s, but now it transpires the cunt also did two little girls in the 1970′s…

Not only a lying nonce, but a fucking Australian to boot. Behead the cunt immediately.

Nominated by : Fred West

Now we all know what his ‘extra leg (diddle diddle diddle dum)’ was… And I dread to think what he wanted to tie a kangaroo down (sport) for….

I always wondered why he made those funny panting noises he was so famous for… Dirty old Aussie cunt!

Nominated by : Norman Whiteside

Now we know what he made his didgerie do…

Nominated by : Dioclese

David Cameron [16]

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David Cameron chinko commie cock sucking cunt

While you cunts have been otherwise engaged getting gutted by the pathetic performance of that overpaid shower orf shite otherwise known as the Hingerland World Cup Squad the cunt Cameron has slipped out almost without notice news of a most dire and dastardly nature.

Noticed that Cameron is looking a little slitty eyed and yellow around the mouth? It is reported that the last time the cunt was in China he was sucking chinko cock and taking it up the arse while they stitched up a deal selling our fair country down the river. We are to have a new generation of nuclear power stations designed, built, run and financed by the chinko commies.

No need to fear a ballistic missile from Peking anymore. They will only have to push a button for a reactor to go critical near you. The yellow commie cunts will hold the keys to our most vital national asset, our power infrastructure and can hold us to ransome at any time. This on top of the ever growing chinko built and financed network of telephone exchanges and wireless infrastructure. Plus a sweetheart deal letting the Chinko National Bank into the City of London to manipulate our currency exchanges.

Other western democracies have invited the chinko comrades to fuck orf when offered similar trojan horse deals. Surely we can expect our own Prime Minister to stand up for British interests? They want a longer red carpet? It is yours oh my yellow gods. They are demanding an audience with The Queen? She could do pole dancing as well oh honoured masters.

The cunt Cameron’s reward for such grovelling treachery? The chinko’s will cough up the cash to finance the floundering HS2 rail link and so ensure the destruction of some of England’s finest fishing and shooting estates. The Quisling Eton bum boy has at least managed to master a little Chinese. The cunt has learned to kowtow.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke