Christmas Telly

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Christmas-television-001

Ever wondered why we eat and drink so much on Christmas Day? Well, it’s simple – it’s because there’s fuck all on the telly, that’s why!

Repeats of old comedy ‘classics’, repeats of old films, fucking Eastenders and Corrie (at least 5 times a day), Doctor fucking Who, Downton pissing Abbey and loads more crap, crap and more crap.

And don’t start me on the films! Independence Day, Jurassic fucking Park, ET, Shrek, 95 Carry On films, Star Trek (the original shite films), Back to the sodding Future, and dozens of other overcooked Christmas turkeys that they roll out every year. It’s fucking shite, that’s what it is.

65% of the BBC schedule this year is repeats because they know there’s nobody watching. And why is nobody watching? Because it’s all repeats and shite. It’s a vicious circle like a cunt with teeth.

Yep, Christmas telly is a right cunt. Watch it today and tell me I’m wrong…

Nominated by: Dioclese

The usual Xmas Telly will be on this year…

TOTP Xmas Special (presented by some Fearn Cotton type tart and with no guitars and drums whatsoever)
The Queen (The usual pointless babbling. While the rest of Blighty is in the shit with the wretched Coalition)
Strictly Come Mincing (A load of ‘look at me’ cunts and nothing more)
Doctor Who (Now known as The Clara Show, thanks to that Moffat cunt. Shite villains guaranteed)
EastEnders (‘I’m avin an affair! Is me sister me mum? You slaaag! Murder! etc)
Some Yank ‘Blockbuster (ie: crap)’ film

Nominated by: Norman

Santa Claus [2]

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evil-santa-claus

Santa Claus is a right evil little cunt!

He breaks into your house, steals your food and drink, bribes your kids with tat and then sneaks into your bedroom and fucks your wife. And to top it all off, he fucked my roof last year parking his fucking sled on it. Bloody broken tiles everywhere.

And the fucking fat gutted cunt gets away with it year after year. Where’s the fucking cops when you need them, that’s what I want to know…

And while we’re at it Santa, where’s me fucking iPod? If I wanted a fucking sweater I’d have asked for it. What a cunt.

Nominated by: Dioclese

Christmas lights

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christmaslights

I’d like to nominate, with my usual festive goodwill, the legions of cunts who put a strain on the National grid by decorating every tree, every bush and every garden gnome in their gardens with flickering lights. The same cunts who vie with each other to decorate their hovels with huge inflatable illuminated Snowmen, Reindeer and even a 10ft Santa that looks like Jimmy Saville. ( I kid you not).

Not sure if their goal is simple one-upmanship, or to provide alien invaders with a landing zone, or merely to piss off the neighbours. Whatever it is, they are cunts of the first magnitude

The picture says it all.

Nominated by: Lez

Christmas

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I would like to cunt christmas in general, and all the lazy work shy fuckwits that are already peddling the excuse ‘its christmas’ for not actually doing what they are paid to do.

Unless you have been to church the preceding 51 Sundays, only an uber cunt would claim they are christian and go along with the whole charade and celebrate accordingly. Its basically just another form of religious terrorism, being forced to give people time off to spend money they don’t have on people they couldn’t give a fuck about, and drink heavily. 3 weeks of productivity down the shitter for me. I loath religion and its fucked up traditions so very, very much.

And don’t get me started on New Year celebrations.

BACK TO WORK FUCKERS!!!!

Nominated by: The Captain

Call me Scrooge but I fucking hate Christmas. Kids in general seem to be getting greedier and greedier competing to see who can get the most expensive presents, the latest phones, games consoles etc. My wife spends and spends, like you say money we haven’t got, then its me that has to work all the hours god sends to pay off the debt.

Christmas really is a cunt. Bah Humbug !

Nominated by: Cuntface

Christopher Biggins

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Biggins

With panto season upon us, who better to cunt than Christopher Biggins?

I mean what the actual fuck is this fat cunt actually famous for? Bit-part in Porridge, bit-part in I Claudius, bit-part (non-speaking) in the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Can anyone remember anything else? Thought not.

Now the cunt is wheeled out like a fucking “national treasure” (previously cunted) at every opportunity, famous for being famous rather than for any actual artistic endeavour. Absolutely the worst kind of luvvie who seems to be at parties more often than he’s actually working. Hang the cunt.

Nominated by: Fred West