Long haul flights

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Long haul flights really are an acute pain in my cock.

Some people have no ability to sit still for even ten minutes without shuffling around and causing grief like they’ve just had their cock rammed in a hornets nest. Also these fucking pissed up cunters causing havoc and trying to get into the cockpit are the worst kind of aircunts around. Two well-aimed taps would do the trick. Trying to stir up shit in a long alloy tube at 30,000ft is on page one of the shit ideas guide.

Added to that, screaming kids fighting each other over toys while their deliberately oblivious parents pretend they can’t hear and it’s a vision of hell. I might not even bother renewing my passport. It’s nice when you get the other end, but it’s the shit you have to do to get there. A lot of these places are overrated anyway.

Nominated by: Twatvarnish

(It’s alright in business class tho’ – Dio)

Wayne Rooney [4]

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Wayne Cuntney, he is a disgrace to the England shirt.

We have had South Africa 2010, Brazil 2014, and the recent Euros totally shit performances and this cunt has been one of the shittest performers. Gets paid 300k a week and he’s been shit for year’s.

What a cunt.

Nominated by: Black & White Cunt

Protecting Eddie Izzard

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The plod who nicked the bloke who snatched the mincing ponce Ediie Izzcunt’s pink beret is a cunt.

What a fucking waste of resources. Typical of plod though going for the easy target.

Surely a sensible reaction would have been to give him a warning and tell Izzard to stop making such a fuss and to fuck off. But no – up the steps he goes. Try getting plod to come out for anything these days is difficult to say the least but take a poofs hat and all hell breaks loose.

Perhaps this is the start of a new development in that plod are going to detect all crimes big or small. Not holding my breath on that one though.

Nominated by: Johnson

Marcus Brigstock

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Marcus Brigstock is another pompous, self aggrandising socialist weasel masquerading as an intelligent comedian.

He is not funny, and his rhetoric is the same as Uber cunts Bragg and Self. Intelligent fuckers like these fawned over The War Criminal Tony Blair …enough said.

Nominated by: The Captain

Amy Schumer

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I’d like to cunt Amy Schumer. Not only is she deeply unfunny she has now decided that women who don’t want to identify as feminist are “insane”.

Well done Schumer, you’ve just shown why a very small percentage of women want to identify with feminism you unfunny cunt. I thought feminism was fighting for the right of women to be whatever they want. What am I thinking? That was early feminism not the man-hating fact avoiding cunty third wave feminism.

For those cunty bitches women have to do things that are on the pre-approved feminist list.

Nominated by: Chris Horner

Amy Schumer is another unfunny face like a bag of spanners doodle dandy cunt… Just like that other unfunny yankee twat, Amy Sedaris… What a coincidence…

Nominated by: Norman