Serena Williams

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EMERGENCY CUNTING! Serena Williams has got married and proves there’s nothing worse than an uppity coon and that nothing exceeds quite like excess.

An entire block of LA was sealed off for the event which was held at the Contemporary Arts Center.

The wedding cost more than $1m and guests were asked not to bring their mobile phones because of an exclusive deal with Vogue. After all, wouldn’t want to have to pay for it yourself!

Kim Kardashian, Venus Williams, Beyonce, and the members of New Edition, who played a five-song set during the reception, were spotted arriving at the venue’s VIP entrance for the biggest celebrity cuntfest in recent years. Guests were also gifted one of Williams’ unique golden trophy party favors. Each guest table at the event had been named after one of Williams’ 12 grand slam titles, and her favors were recreations of the trophies she received for each corresponding title. Pretenieuse? Moi!?! Not moi! Moi tres important!!!!

99p on eBay. Free postage. Buy one, get one free!

Each room inside has a different type of music, and the bands rotate from room to room. In addition to the music, guests were also treated to doughnuts from local favorite District Donuts Sliders Brew, and were able to take a spin on a carousel that was built just a few days ago especially for the event.

Money certainly can’t buy class it seems

One, of course, has to feel sorry for J-Zee. Poor little lamb could only pop in briefly before he had to rush off in his private jet to his next tour date. Still, let’s hope he didn’t miss out on his tasteful little goldplayed trophy. That would be too much to bear.

Doubt we’ll beat this one for the cuntfest of the decade!

Nominated by Arfur Fucksake

Len McCluskey [3]

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Len McCluskey is a brainless fucking rat faced cunt. I’m certain he’ll have had it a few times on here but I just saw the ultra cunt’s face on the television and was immediately overcome with the urge to projectile vomit.

It’s not even the abhorrent, hypocritical bullshit he spouts and believes in. It’s his rodent like features; his unkempt shitty polyester machine washable suit that doesn’t fit the fat cunt; his ability to make me feel like I need to bathe after just hearing the cunt’s name.

I don’t even need to start on the trot or communist nonsense bouncing around his tiny mind. He already looks and smells like he’s spent the last 30 years working a strip farm in Siberia with no sanitation or running water so I can’t see what difference it would make if he and his micro-penis pals got their way.

Nominated by Fuckwit

Musical bog trotters

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I see those bogtrotting hypocrites, Slob Geldof and U2 are at it again… Apparently the smelly one and the taxdodging dadrockers have condemned Aung San Suu Kyi for having the nerve to deal with the peaceful cunts in Burma… Someone should tell these thick village idiots that the Burmese don’t want any rapes, murders, or terrorism from these parasites in their own backyard… Simple as that… Mind you, I don’t even think these Irish cunts would even be arsed if the muslamists committed an atrocity in Dublin… They’d either be too busy appeasing the murderers or living it up in their tax havens… Cunts…

And, of course, Bono and his cunts have bigged up Aung San Suu Kyi for years… She was their ‘virtue signaling mascot’ for a long tine… But now she’s committed the heinous (to celebricunts) crime of daring to stand up to the peaceful cunts, Bonio and his pals have chucked the toys out of the Amnesty International pram… Cunts…

Nominated by Norman

My cuntometer went off the scale today, triggered by that cunt Bob Geldof. It was as though his tired, stroppy rebel act wasn’t wearing enough or the spectacle of he and his cunty tosser rich pals hurling puerile abuse at British fishermen from a boat on the Thames last year. Then just today, he managed once again make my blood boil in a way not seen since his dull as dishwasher one hit in the 1980s where he whined tastelessly about some school shooting or other. The cunt is “protesting” the Burmese president by handing back his Freedom of the City of Dublin award. Gee Bob, the Burmese president is quaking in her Gucci shoes at your bravery. Hey Bob, you cunt of cunts, why not put your ill gotten gains where your mouth is. Cunt!

Nominated by Slack Alice

Children in Need [2]

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knitted rudolp

knitted chugger cunt


Is it too early to nominate Children in Africa – sorry – Children in Need for a cunting?

A night of ABBC cringe-worthy programming interspersed with famous cunts in Africa still following M’Tebe on his 8 mile walk to get a pail of water liberally mixed with bison piss only to walk back again.

“And it takes M’Tebe all day to do this. And the next day he sets off again. It’s a never ending battle just to get this most basic provision.”

Hey Ewan MacGregor, while you’re there, why not tell M’Tebe to move nearer to the fucking water? Oh, and while you’re on, instead of interviewing the hand-wringing mothers and their rotund bellied offspring, how about finding one of the papa-san’s who’s responsible for continually impregnating them? Oh, and don’t wait for the cunt to take off his AK-47 and dual bandoleros of 7.62 rifle rounds!

The ABBC will throw in the odd token local raspberry foundation story but – like Sir Cunt Geldof before them – the real story of the night is Africa.

It’s not that I’m unsympathetic to the plight of the starving millions in the dark continent, it’s just that after 40yrs and billions of pounds in worldwide aid, nothing has changed. Millions still starving, countries still run by tyrannical despots (who annex said monies/aid for themselves or to then sell it on to the peoples it was intended for in the first place), and the rich and famous still using it as a vehicle to signal how virtuous and caring they are, when the reality is that we all know they’re cunts at heart!

I used to be duped into giving to Pudsey and his clan but when I hit my 30’s I decided that the money would actually do more good in my own arse pocket because once the exec administrators have taken their cut, the aid facilitators taken their cut, the transporters taken their cut – only for the remainder to be annexed by the destinating Govt – poor old M’Tebe is lucky if there’s enough left to afford him an extra fly to go along with his 2 grains of rice and glass of bison piss!

Fuck off Children in Need!

And fuck off ABBC! If you’re that bothered about children, then please explain Savile? You cunts!

Nominated by Rebel without a Cunt!