MAMIL

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Middle aged men in lycra.
What utter bum bothering wankers and CUNTS.

For some reason 99% of men on bicycles seem to think everyone wants to see their fat cancerous carcases shrink wrapped in lycra. In my opinion, this a sexually related offense for which they should be put on the register for.

Apparently this is some sort of teenage minded idolatry of our cycling sports people, however, there is an actual rule that says if you’re not a team member you cannot wear team colours (in fact this cunting could easily apply to middle aged men in football shirts).

Perhaps if you are a genuine tour de france contender wearing lycra may very well get you that quarter of a second lead that you need to win; but does this utalitarian necessity apply to some 47 year old fat CUNT from marketing who only gets out on his carbon fibre five grand bike on sunny sundays? I fucking think not.

Their feeble minded understanding of the world around them also leads them to give cyclists everywhere a bad name by cycling three abreast at every opportunity and refusing to pull over no matter how long the queue behind them.

This is especially frustrating on hills that these walking corpses simply have no physical possibility of climbing at anything over 2 mph. So there we are, stuck behind a lycra clad arse that has been grown out of chips, snickers bars and beer, slowly inching its way up a hill with its mates either side, wobbling around like a scene from some channel four mockumentary and we can’t overtake because of oncoming traffic.

What monumental cunts they all are. And now it’s the new year you won’t be able to get a pint or a coffee anywhere without hordes of these grape smuggling arseholes hovering around blocking every entrance.

And these MAMILs will be jogging everywhere too….

God help us……

Nominated by Cuntflap

Jeremy Corbyn (10)

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I know I’m stating the obvious here but Jeremy Corbyn is a cunt.

He’s a cunt for an uncountable amount of reasons but the reason I’m cunting him today is due to the sacking of labour peer Mendelson in relation to the presidents club “scandal”.

Now I’m sure I’m not the only cunter here that sees how ridiculous this presidents club shit is, and usually I wouldn’t stand up for a peer and especially a labour peer but here are the facts.

He attended the event.
He never saw anything untoward.
He left early.
He was there to represent the charity that he is a president of.
The yobbish behaviour was only carried out by a few drunks, most attendees were well behaved and this has been confirmed by the hostesses themselves.
There’s no evidence whatsoever that he engaged in any lewd or illegal behaviour.
He has “unreservedly condemned” the claims of others’ impropriety.

So he’s been fired for attending an event where a few idiots got unruly.
That’s exactly the same as you being fired for going to a pub where a few cunts that you didn’t know got into a fight.

And this is from Jeremy Corbyn.
The same cunt that bangs on constantly about employees rights and workers rights and that all bosses and business owners are cunts.
Employees have rights. …unless you work for Corbyn that is.
Guess employment laws only apply to us and Corbyn is exempt.

This is another over reaction by weak and scared cunts, sucking up to Twatter mongs and feminazi’s and I’m getting pissed of with it.
It’s fucking mob justice and this shit needs to stop.
…just like the Rourkes drift cunts the other day.

You can’t fire someone unless you have evidence that they’ve done something wrong.
….Unless you’re Jeremy Corbyn.

Corbyn is a cunt. And now he’s also a hypocritical cunt.
Maybe now he’ll stop making out that he’s the champion of employees but I doubt it.

Nominated by Deploy The Sausage

Home Office

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A cunting please for the Home Office.

We can “invest” over £14 billion each year to unworthy causes, and we can donate £45 million to the pension pot of the French President. Well hell, we can even find £200 billion to shave 10 minutes off a train time with HS2.

What we cannot do, is provide for the security and the protection of the British Public. And the reason? No cash allocated in this years budget ( we are skint )

The Home Office therefore, are actively supporting both Durham and Cheshire Constabulary to deploy unpaid volunteer ” CommunityTerror Detectives ” and Durham ( wait for it ) Child Police Officers!!!!!

It has also come to light, that an all inclusive force is to be formed , and that previous criminal convictions will not automatically bar an individual from service.!!!!!!!!!

Both sets of Noddy’s will be attached and trained by the relevant Constabularies, and if successful, will be rolled out all over the country. Child Police will be encouraged to spy on traffic offenders, and social disorders. Whilst the freshly released from prison can go case the local eastates for “Terrorists”

The scheme obviously has the blessing and the support of our one and only ever friend Amber the Gambler.

I can see many safe guarding issues arising, and some fucking amazing comparisons to the “Hitler Youth” of yesteryear.

All of this, at a time when the Politicians couldn’t be thicker than the shit in my pants following Ahmeds Camel Curry.

I understand from former colleagues that the “little Police” ( of Durham ) are already being recruited , and circulars are already being printed to be pasted no doubt within the prisons.

Gentleman, I give you the Home Office. A symptom of a very fucked country.

Nominated by Asimplearsehole.

Frock Opera

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Fucking Frock Operas.

You know, the utter shite that is Downton Abbey, the snivelling shit that is Victoria, anyfuckingthing from the Brontes or Jane Austen. Little Women, the Minaturist.

Stilted speech, characterless characters and of course, big frocks.
Prime time Mills and fucking Boone. TV for soppy cunts and Yanks.

Nominated by Cunstable Cuntbubble

Andy Burnham (5)

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Emergency cunting of Andy Burnham who as we all know is a Labour Loony who parades around Manchester like a god, in fact, the only person to out god him is Bono.

The reason for Burnahms cunting is the self-styled flamboyant git is paid a huge salary and expenses that now Manchester council tax payers have to cough up money to pay for this waste of space/
‘
An extra charge on this year’s council tax bill has been agreed to pay for Greater Manchester’s mayor. Manchester Householders will be charged an average of £7 annually to pay for Andy Burnham’s £110,000 salary, as well as his transport and housing plans.

The precept agreed unanimously at a meeting of all ten council leaders,
will also pay the £730,000 cost of running his office including his
wages. The Taxpayers’ Alliance described the council tax rise as “pretty bad news”.

Most people in Greater Manchester were not aware they would have to pay
between £6 and £18 to have an elected mayor, the group claimed.

Nominated by iamnot

Andy fucking Burnham’s hair resembles that of a bullied schoolboy, 3 hours after his daily toilet head-flushing. The only slight amendment I’d like to make on that simile is to ensure Burnham’s head-flushing takes place over an Armitage Shanks pan, filled to the brim with steaming piss and shit.

He is one ultra-heavyweight fucking cunt. Tries so hard to curl his vowels into that Warrington working-class bonhomie; but fails to convince anyone that he is anything other than just one more aloof and disconnected career bureaucrat. And cunt.

So the insult to our Mancunian friends must be all the more unpalatable – not only have they had a premier league cunt parachuted into their region, they now have to PAY for the fucking privilege via that council tax surcharge. I feel sorry for those who didn’t vote for him – those who did, well, what did you fucking expect?

It’s testament to the Labour front bench/prominents that someone with the cunt-calibre of Burnham isn’t even in the top 10 cunts of the party. In any other realm, he is a cunt colossus and would stand head and shoulders above cunts pretty much anywhere other than Labour HQ.

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back