Alan Sugar [4] and the BBC [15]

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A cunting for Alan Sugar. OK, he is already a cunt but, along with a previously cunted Louis Hamilton he is a spineless cunt.

SrAlan call me Lord Sugar tweeted (where else?) an attempt at humour, saying the Senegal football team looked like Spanish sunglass sellers. Ho Ho. Perhaps they do. I have no idea. Cue fucking outrage from the twatterati, looking for offence. RACIST.

Now, had he said the Swedish team looked like ski instructors/porn stars/double glazing salesman would that be racist? No. And this tweet wasn’t racist either.

At first he held firm but eventually apologised. For what? Piss poor jokes? No, for inadvertently making a racist comment.

Sugar is spineless cunt. The twatterati looking for offence should have been told to fuck off. They weren’t so LordS’rAlan Sugar, you are a cunt.

Nominated by Cuntstable Cuntbubble

The BBC wants Alan Sugar to go on an ‘unconscious bias’ course after he tweeted about the Senegal football team.

What sort of bunch of cunts does it take to understand that if the ‘bias’ is ‘unconscious’ then there fuck all you can do about it because it’s – errrr – unconscious. Seems the spineless PC (no relation) cunts at the Beeb are caving in to calls from Senegal for Sugar to be sacked from his job at the Apprentice.

Well, I think they should tell Senegal to fuck right off because I’m damned sure that cunt on the left sold me a pair of Ray Bans last year!

Nominated by Pedantic Cunt

Danny Dyer [4]

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Danny Dyer. A TV mockney shit-geezer who has spent so long hamming up his hars-yer-farver schtick that he no longer knows where the impersonation ends and where Danny Dyer begins.

I’ve never minded a bit of embellished cockney, to tell you the truth. Arthur Daley, Eric Bristow, Babs Windsor – all a bit entertaining. The problem comes when they carry on the whole Apples-and-Pears cuntitude malarkey outside of their day job.

Enter full-time scumcunt Danny Dyer. This cunting could be longer than all of the Dostoevsky novels combined and it would still fail to get to the nub of why I despise this fucker so haughtily. Remember those ‘long play’ films of logs burning, train rides, sleigh rides and so on? I keep trying to find one of a hobnail boot repeatedly stamping on Dyer’s face, but alas, no joy thus far.

The cunt is over and above intolerable. From presenting shit like Danny Dyer’s Deadliest Faeces, starring in the latest London Live Algarve-based gangster caricature cuntery, or just being a plutonium-core salted-bomb of a cunt on Eastenders, this fucking gobshite just never fucking switches off the cunt-meter. Case in point – Friday night’s little turn on the fucking bizarre evening edition of Good Morning Britain (after the Belgium/England game), he played up to the liberal stance by maafing off and giving it large over Brexit, David Cameron, and generally giving it the whole pub-philosopher spiel on all matters associated.

Lapped up by the Guardian set, interestingly. Unclear whether Dyer somehow assuages their guilt for otherwise hating the working class, or whether the hipsters are just being cunts by ‘ironically’ loving a liberal shit-talking stereotype of East end London. Regardless, my piss boils supercritically watching fawning cunts like Piers Morgan or David Mitchell simper over Dyer’s every exaggerated mockney fucking vowel.

Danny Dyer – a bigger cunt you’ll be hard-pressed to find between Waltham Forest to West Ham.

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back

(He was right about one thing however – Cameron is a tosser)

Estate agents

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Estate Agents are cunts, aren’t they.

(riiinng)

Mr. Dickhead: “Hello, Cunts & Co, Gavin speaking, how may I help you?”

Captain Mags: “Hello, I’d like to sell my flat. How much do you charge?”

Mr. Dickhead: “Hello sir, 1.5%, plus VAT. Can I have your details, phone number, e-mail, and mobile so we can continually bombard you with houses far too expensive for you and miles out of the area?”

Captain Mags: “1.5% is a bit high. What do I receive for that?”

Mr. Dickhead: “We spend almost five minutes showing people around your flat. We also spend three minutes putting your details on-line. Furthermore, we spend an additional minute putting your property in the window. Sometimes we answer the phone. It’s just non-stop work. Can I take your e-mail address?”

Captain Mags: “Erm, that doesn’t sound like much.”

Mr. Dickhead: “We’ll also promise to lie to you about properties, lose your details, not respect your privacy and ignore your phone calls.”

Captain Mags: “Will you also promise to have appalling customer service and no business sense apart from your own rapacious thirst and immoral sensibilities?”

Mr. Dickhead: “We will endeavour to do so. We will constantly treat you as if WE’RE doing YOU a favour. Moreover, you will be shown around properties by cocky half-wits whose knowledge factor is nought and professionalism is atrocious. Can I take your e-mail address?”

Captain Mags: “Certainly. It’s CaptainMagnanimous@kissmyarseyoufuckingwankers.co.uk”

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous

Leo Varadkar

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A cunting for the Irish ” Tee-Shock ” ( spelling deliberately childish)

Fucking piss is flashing steam right now as I mistakenly left the BBC news on in the background by mistake ( only watched for the weather report, something they cant put a fucking remain slant on ) and caught the remaining statement of the kingmaker extraordinaire as he entered the EU summit….( not verbatim )

“The UK better accept they can’t cherry pick, “”WE”” are 27 states of 500 million people and I’m afraid the future partnership wont be one of equals”

What, you fucking cretinous little fuck ?

My insides are fucking squirming and vessels are bursting inside my eyeballs if the black spots and white stars I’m seeing are anything to go by

How fucking dare you …. equals eh ? If that’s the case, can we have back the £14 BILLION we contributed to your bailout fund after the banking crisis? That’ll go a small way to our Brexit bill for starters you sneering cunt.

Second, the special arrangement that allowed 3 MILLION Irish free travel within the isles might just need looked at again eh fucker ?

Third, the fucking kick in the teeth to anyone who looked upon us British Isles and Ireland as like minded folk with a common purpose after all the shit. I know it’s different with my English cousins on this, but the Scots never had the same grief with the Irish even though many of our families (mine) served tours in Northern Ireland as well …and this isn’t about that conflict but, nah, no longer the case I’m afraid.

I look upon the republic no different from a Romania or Lithuania now because your cunt of a taoiseach has made it perfectly clear where you stand.

You’re now with the big boys, the 500million strong EU..hahahahah

Well, my friend, I think you’ll fucking find the Italians and Austrians have just started a domino effect in that diseased riddled club and I hope once the Dutch rise and the German ADF stick it to Merkel, the Euro currency finally tumbles and your tax haven hole is brought to its fucking knees again…….try asking us for another fucking bail out then…… cunts

This isn’t meant to be a rant against the boy band producing Irish, but I’m genuinely fucked off that they’ve made their choice clear over us and them …even though we’ve never been an anti European people!!

Finished with them as neighbours if they allow the EU to use them to make a cunt of the UK.

Nominated by Squint Cuntwood

Dead Pool [99]

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Congratulations to me again who wins his fifth deadpool in a row by picking WWE wrestler Matt Cappotelli who has died aged 38. Cappotelli was one of the most promising young wrestlers of his generation even winning WWE Tough Enough III.His career came to an end when he was diagnosed with brain cancer in 2006.He overcame the cancer but it sadly came back aggressively last June.

Anyway On to Deadpool 99:

Here are the rules (pay special attention to the first one):

1. Nominate who you think is the next cunt on the way out. You can have up to five choices. List your nominations in the comments of this post. It’s the current Dead Pool. Comments not in this post (e.g. in the previous one or other posts) will be ignored!

2. You win if your Cunt dies first.
Then the slate is wiped clean and we start again. Of course, you can always be a really annoying cunt and steal someone else’s dead cunt candidate from the previous pool (like Black and White Cunt frequently does).

Any cunt who tries to cheat by nominating the World’s Oldest Man or Woman is a cunt and will be ignored. Any anonymous cunt who can’t be bothered to make up a name for themselves will also be ignored. Oh, and the usual “Our Blog Our Rules” thing applies.

Nominations are now open on this post only. AND BEFORE YOU NOMINATE, FUCKING READ THE EXISTING NOMS TO CHECK THAT NONE OF YOUR PICKS HAVE BEEN TAKEN ALREADY! Good luck

My picks (Shaun)

Kirk Douglas
Stan Lee
Glynis Johns
Denis Norden
Stefan Karl Stefansson