Glastonbury (6)

Could do with that fence in Kent. C.A.

As Glastonbury opens with a bang ( told you that minx in the tent next door was a goer), the BBC are providing us with minute by minute coverage, we’ll it seems like it.

Well, I’m breathless with anticipation!

Will Holly Chipmunk Cheeks and her pal Carol Voldemort make an appearance, selflessly arriving in a helicopter so as to avoid adding to the road chaos?

Will the final headline act be someone we’ve never fucking heard of?

But, most importantly, will the poor folk who got ripped off by Yurtel have managed to get tickets and luxury yurts, or will they have to slum it in St. Lucia as a consolation prize?

Enquiring minds want to know…. if hibernating under the duvet is an acceptable alternative to reading about this yawn fest!

bbcnews

Nominated by Jeezum Priest.

Another helping of this cultural fest for the middle classes by Lone cunter below.

My nomination:

BBC coverage of Glasto.

Jeezus. What a shitshow.

Look it up on iPlayShite.

Opener: some wierd fat tranny in a blue loetard that summed up the phrase Spandex Enormity (full credits to Saint Billy Milano)

Then Alanis bastard bastard bastard bastard “sing along, menopausal heifers, all men are bastards” Morisette. Not a dry Tena Lady in the house.

I’m out. I remember Steve Hillage playing a blinder in 1973. Hawkwind playing on into the night.

This is f&cking pathetic.

Pride Month (2)

 

“Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s Cultural Affairs correspondent Ron Knee reporting. As I’m sure you’re all aware, we are once more in the middle of ‘Pride Month’. Today I’m joined by Tim Normal, the founder of ‘Normal Pride’, who’s here to tell us why he fells that ‘straight’ people also have cause to take a just pride in their sexuality, and in particular, how they should go about celebrating this. So Tim, how did all this come about?”

“Yeah thanks fer havin’ me on Ron. Well, I was havin’ a jar wi’ me mate Kenny down in the bar of ‘The Smoker’s Cough’ the other night, an’ he pointed out that we was, as you say, in the middle of this ‘Pride Month’ malarkey. To be honest, I weren’t quite sure at first what ‘e meant, then ‘e explained how it was like a month-long celebration of LGBTQ whatever, commemorating what he referred to as the ‘contributions’ of lesbians, gays, bisexuals, trannies and queers. I was fucking mad, I can tell you”

“Why was that? What specifically upset you?”

“Well it’s bloodly discrimination, that’s what it is. I mean, why is there no ‘Straight Pride’, tell me that. So I decided on the spot to form ‘Normal Pride’, for all those men and women out there who ain’t bent as a nine-bob note. ‘Great to be straight’, that’s our motto. This is now our month too”

“Indeed. The main aim of your organisation then is the celebration of hetrosexuality, but I also understand that you’re very keen to encourage this in a particular, more discrete fashion…”

“Bloody right. Kenny pulled up some picters on his mobile, of all these cunts poncing about in parades an’ stuff, dressed up like fuckin’ n*nces in all manner of weird ways, blokes with make-up on, tarts with green ‘air, carryin’ banners with ‘Queers for Palestine’ on, an’ stuff like that, creatin’ a hoo-ha an’ generally makin’ a right nuisance an’ spectackle o’ thisselfs. Fair turned my fuckin’ stomach it did”

“So you’re calling for more, shall we say, restraint and decorum on the part of those
participating in ‘Normal Pride’, I assume?”

“Thasit in one Ron. Whatever ‘appened to good ol’ British decorum? I mean, if some daft cunt called Fred has to put on a dress, shave ‘is legs, call ‘isself Freda and claim he’s a lezza, the least that ‘e can do is keep ‘is fuckin’ trap shut. I don’t want ‘im, or any other arse’ole, gobbin off in public about ‘ow fuckin’ pleased ‘e is with ‘isself an’ ‘is ‘abits. Why can’t ‘e keep this shit to ‘isself, ‘stead of borin’ the rest of us t’ tears, not t’ mention frightenin’ the fuckin’ ‘orses in the process?”

“Yes, I see what you’re driving at. ‘Great to be straight’, but stop mithering on all the time, and do your thing in the privacy of your own home”

“Got it in one Ron. Show a bit of tact an’ taste, like an English gent would. Do your job, go ‘ome an’ ‘ave yer tea with the wife, then watch ‘Corrie’. Later, you can give ‘er one up the arse if you want, or get ‘er t’ thrash you with a riding crop or whatever. Just do it behind closed doors. You don’t need t’ tell the world an’ ‘is fuckin’ dog all that you get up to all the time, dressin’ up in gimp suit an’ goin’ on a march, or ‘angin’ a flag out the winder or whatever. Just whisper it t’ yer mates; ‘great t’ be straight’ and leave it at that. No need for all that ludicrous, self-obsessed, self-promoting shit. Going on like that, I arks ya.”

“Quite. Well thanks for joining me Tim, and I’m sure that we all hope that the alphabet community will learn from your example, and tone down the ridiculous flouncing and frollicking around this month, and give us all a rest. It really does all become rather tedious after a while.This is Ron ‘great to be straight’ Knee, for IsAC, returning you to the studio”

yorkshire post

Nominated by Ron Knee

Thank fuck it’s almost over C.A.

Another helping of this SHIT fest from Cunt em all below.

The fiscal cost to some, .. because of others zero self-control.

Pride doesn’t come cheap was a nom in mid June. The full of pride lot whingeing about everyday costs, like rent, though putting a self-pitying eternal victims glittery pink bow on everything. But there are a few pride-adjacent, shall we say, costs that the taxpayer picks up for ’em that went unmentioned in the link however …

Having been the isac-er that previously saw on some site and brought up here the ‘up to £400,000 lifetime treatment’ cost to the NHS for yer average hiv+ punter, (with even illegals being eligible!)… let me also share this little gem I spotted yesterday.

A new hiv ‘blocker’ coming to market, as in … a ‘high risk’ cunt gets 2 injections of this stuff per year, and apparently it 99.9% stops said cunt from catching ‘the virus’. Dunno, but presume, it will become available on the old NHS.

Cost per year, per cunt?

$28,000. About £20,000. Technically a whole lot *more* cumulatively than just letting the bastards catch the thing & then treat it. 50 years on this new one is a (un)cool £million.

There’s a daily tablet version of this stuff already on the market costing about 70% of that (still 40+ quid a day!), but according to the article, ‘high risk’ individuals(I’ll revisit that momentarily) don’t like the daily tablet for a few reasons. One : that they might forget to take it.. and two : there’s a ‘stigma’ attached to taking an hiv blocker, that is reduced by only needing 2 injections per annum instead of knocking back a pill daily. It literally said there’s a risk someone might see the tablets in the patients home and know what they are, so two doctor appointments is a better alternative. At an extra 6 grand annually ; it forgot to add for emphasis.

And that daily stuff IS available on your NHS service, UK cunters. 40 quid per day. Every day. Just like that. Free to eligible cunts in Ireland too, the google says. Eligible? Shameless zero-responsibility narcissists need only apply it doesn’t say, unfortunately.

I’m linking the article, but looking at it now, a whole section of ludicrousness about the testing phase – AND the stigma part – has been cut since the previous day.

About the trial subjects, our ‘high risk’ friends .. from memory :

Quote. “Cisgender men”, ‘Transgender women” (so men, again), .. and “transgender men” (so : post-strapadictomy women?) … “all of whom choose to have sex with nonbinary individuals assigned male at birth”. (so gay/gay/wannabe gay/gays). 2,000 of ’em.

Now. I dunno what testing conditions were. Baby-oil filled bespoke oversized paddling pool free-for-all rave party benderfests, or something? I dunno how all that jazz(all that jizz?) works, but I do recall that the original ‘patient zero’ flight-attendant cunt was said to sit on 40 to 50 dicks per visit at San Francisco orgy weekends when I first read about THAT cunt on Wikipedia. A ‘sexual athlete’ it used to describe the riddled fucker as.

That’s been retro-written now(I just checked) and replaced by simply describing him as having been ‘promiscuous’.

Fucking calling a spade a spade is out of the question these days, it seems.

Anyways. And, so suddenly, ‘stigma’ is a thing for them. Where’s all the pride gone?

Oh well, it’s other peoples money being burned through so rubber johnnys and(god forbid!)self-control bedamned…

Reuters

Dirty Bastard Ice Cream Sellers

I have to admit that I am very easily irritated, and especially when it comes to matters of hygiene.

As the weather has been mostly very good for some weeks, we have been out and about a lot, walking, visiting nature reserves and gardens and walking the coast path. It seems therefore a good idea in these circumstances to enjoy an ice cream whilst enjoying the view.

It appears that only about 1 in 5 sellers put gloves on to pick up the cone and put the ice cream in it. It turns my bloody stomach as for all I know, they might have been scratching their arse or picking their nose before we came in. I have taken to having it in one of those cardboard tubs instead, which is then waste and has to go in the bin.

It seems a bit cretinous to not realise that people would find this off-putting, and it’s not much to ask really is it? When I see this going on , I really feel the old red mist coming down.

The link below is about a Victorian type of early ice cream called a Penny Lick, and how it led to the spread of tuberculosis. Possibly a bit dramatic for the subject matter!. Admin may have a better example…

amalgamate.com

Nominated by Mary Hinge.

Giant Scratch & Sniff Armpit Posters

WTF?

Currently being trailed in New York, passers-by at 505 8th Avenue are invited to scratch a trio of massive armpit posters and get a whiff of “Billie’s” latest “all-day” deodorant called “Coco Villa”.

hypebae

The blurb:

“Those who sample the scratch & sniff armpit will detect a sweet spiced vanilla scent, with notes of sunny sandlewood and coconut cream. The deodorant formula is aluminium free, approved by dermatologists. This new campaign tries to make the body care experience more fun, and fans of the product will soon be able to scratch & sniff other armpits at locations throughout the city.”

How fucking gross can you get.

Coming soon – giant scratch & sniff posters of Gwyneth Paltrow’s reeking clunge.

Nominated by Shit Cake Baker.

Thomas Tuchel


Weird spindly England Coach, Tommy Tucker is a cunt.

The lazy Nazi who cannot even afford a razor was always going to be a controversial choice. but he has shown stunning ruthlessness in playing his part as a fifth columnist.

Leaving our clueless but brave lads to muddle through a brainless performance against mighty Andorra, he swiftly masterminded a spectacular capitulation against West African opposition. Anyone looking forward to seeing how he helps us to a record defeat against the Germans in the World Cup finals, if we make it that far? Thought not.

Newsday Link

The solution is obvious, bring back the fat bloke, he had a 100% record as England manager before he fell victim to trumped up charges involving bungs from Middle Eastern potentates.

Nominated by: Twenty Thousand Cunts Under the Sea

Seconded by: Captain Magnanimous

Thomas Tuchel is a cunt, isn’t he.

Once again, a foreign manager has been employed because.English managers aren’t good enough, apparently. So far, this dull vinkel-schniffer TuckinMy Thomas has beaten Andorra (not even a real country) 1-0, lost against Afreekan chancers Senegal, and put two against the part-time drug-dealers (Albania). Same dreary shite as the Wokegate years.

At least we can be entertained by the crowd who chanted: ‘Keir Starmer is a w****r, Starmer is a w****r.’

That was, until Tuchel criticised fans, although he claims not to have heard it. “‘Eef it happened, it eez not acceptable. Lebensraum, Järvohl, schnell, schnell’

Oh. Didn’t you hear the song from the tune to KC & The Sunshine Band’s song Give It Up:

‘Na-na, na-na, na-na, na-na-na-na now, Starmer is a ****, is a ****, Starmer is a ****.”

Mein Gott. Ze futboll iz vorse zan ze chanting.

Sack the über-schizen Deutschbag.