What in the cunting cunt happened to universities? There was a wonderful time where the best and brightest of us went to learn and better ourselves, giving us tomorrows Doctors, leaders and Scientists.

Now we have thousands of the twatting establishments giving today’s generation of naive twerps degrees in “gender studies”. I mean surely that’s one 5 minute lesson. There’s two now fuck off and get a real job. They push liberal lefty bullshit. Lie to the kids that doing these shit degrees will better their lives when the reality is you’ll be lumped with years of debt and a job down Mccuntingdonalds.

Just fuck off.

Nominated by Cuntoxed

Nomination: Internet Mind Readers.

I can’t be the only one to have noticed how many people on the internet can read other people’s minds and discern the ‘real’ reasons for the opinions they express. No matter what the topic under discussion, some brain dead prick will be able to explain the true meaning of the views expressed.

Have some reservations about the impact of mass immigration? This is clearly down to racism and a desire for Empire 2.0.

Dislike deliberately unpleasant language and expect people to be polite. You are a disgusting snowflake who wants to trample on free speech.

Think that the biology that you learned at school is correct and that mammals have been coping quite happily as males and females for 160,000,000 years? Disgusting transphobia. Using a phrase as obvious as ‘women don’t have penises’ is a hate crime.

Suggest that the UK might be better off staying as a member of a trading organisation it has been part of for the best part of half a century? You are a traitor, an enemy of the people, someone who prefers foreigners to your own.

Spend four months of your life going through a barely-readable book at the centre of an ideology that causes some of its adherents to fly planes into buildings and shoot up Christmas markets in a sincere effort to understand said ideology? You are a racist and Islamophobe who is itching to fire up the ovens.

Wankers.

Nominated by Cunt’s Mate Cunt

Nick aka Carl Beech

The Deep Throater or “Nick” allegedly behind many orf the A List allegations orf a few years back has been revealed by police as one Carl Beech and his picture released as above. First impressions? What a sweet heart. Not the grinning pervert one might reasonably expect but a picture orf probity. No wonder Plod swallowed every fragrant word and facilitated trial by tabloid orf his alleged victims. Well you would wouldn’t you?

Fair play this august blog had a little bit orf fun reporting his allegations at the time, kept us all very busy, indeed never likely to use the term “allegations” so orften ever agin’. Glory days. Point is M’Lud, Yours Truly’s old cunt sniffer latched orn to the cunt like a blood hound catching a whiff orf Katie Price on heat. Long lived by the proposition that if it smells like a wrong’un then by jingo it is ect ect. In short stuck me head over the parapet and declared that the endless list orf dodgy dick donglers being shopped by “Nick” was not kosher and YT did not believe it. Pity is that there are likely many true kiddy fumblers that have been masked by Plod’s antics stumbling aroinde unseen in the resultant shite storm.

Much to come oit doubtless so mum’s the word for the mo’. Interesting observation. Plod usually only reveal a name once charges have been made so we await further developments.

Nominated by Sir Limply Stoke

Drones

So a coupla drones are sighted (no photos or phone images shown mind) aroinde Gatwick Airport and the airspace orf the world is fucked. 24hr News Coverage, snowflakes melting in front orf camera. Customary Local Lezza Police Commissioner (CLLPC) giving it the old clueless flat estuarine institution speak. Headless chickens cueing overnight at the airport, all flights cancelled, Cobra Committee summoned in Whitehall. Chorus orf “Oh dear what can the matter be”. Punters advised on freeebeees available – free hotels, transport, food, counseling due to this “major international incident”. Bugger me, snowflakes should have been in old London Toine when the doodlebugs were flying. Now they were proper drones – with menaces.
Laugh orf the moment is the “authorities” ie plod and MOD have no clue as to where they are coming from or how to stop the fuckers, just shut the airport without explanation for an unlimited period over Christmas (bugger wish I had thought orf that one). Volunteered me own two pennorth, I would troll doine there with me gillie and a brace of Purdey’s (finest English shotgun ever made) and blast the cunts oit the sky then blast the cunts that launched them or t’other way roinde as convenient. Waiting to hear back.
Have seen this moment in our history coming hence me previous cunting and support in a sporting way orf Amazon delivery drones. Yours Truly invites the sporting gentleman to join him (modest joining fee) in the Worshipful Company orf Drone Hunters (initiation ceremony to be soited oit) and blast the fuckers oit the sky. Those orf more plebeian habits ie uncouth cunts, are invited to join the Drone Guard. Drones don’t like it up ‘em.

As the Drone incident drones orn it is becoming increasingly apparent that The Powers That Be (TPTB) have no clue what to do. No counter strategy, no snowflake training in drone counter measures, in short beyond closing everything doine and giving the spotty dicked little cunt exactly what it wants, a humbling orf poor old Blighty in front orf the TV cameras orf the world, TPTB are impotent and powerless.
Pardon YT for bringing a little independent thinking to this but the drone is guided by wireless and can therefore be traced or jammed. Failing that, droneboi cannot make a move withoit sending a signal which will alert a scuad orf Drone Vigilantes stationed strategically aroinde the airport perimeter who can shoot the fucker doine. No need to ground every known aircraft for days. Typical snowflake pantomime for Christmas.

Nominated by Sir Limply

Gatwick Airport is a cunt.

Don’t get me wrong. Drones and other airborne things can be dangerous to aircraft.

However, some cunt playing silly buggers is enough to bring a whole fucking airport operation to its knees. Oh, and it’s the second busiest airport in the UK and yes, almost forgot, it’s the run up to Christmas.

We don’t want to shot the drones down as we are worried about stray bullets… wtf! It’s a fucking airfield with nothing around (apart from the M23 (and that deserves a cunting all on its own)).

Now apparently the military have been deployed. Are we really saying that the police can’t catch some spotty little nerd or unfuckable transbender cunt with a handheld RC controller. They can’t be operated miles away.

Drones are cunts to and anyone that has one that is not used for professional services such as film and media are cunts too.

Thank you, cunters

Nominated by Bear Cunt

Carol Ann Duffy is a bit of a cunt, isn’t she?

Who’s this yeasty-looking gorgon and why is she so miserable? Well, she’s Scottish and she’s stepping down as Britain’s Poet Laureate, i.e. she writes poetry for the Queen (the first wo-man to do so) after holding the position since 2009. Her poetry has tackled MPs’ expenses, LGBTQ issues, Christmas, even David Beckham. She has also worked as poetry critic for The Guardian.

Now, I know some of my cunter-colleagues don’t care for poetry but I like it. Let’s give the bisexual, catholic, Guardian-contributing Scottish poet a chance, shall we.

Duffy is also a playwright, and in 2017 wrote a Brexit play call My Country: a work in progress. In case you wondered where the sympathy lay, it was dedicated to Jo Cox. Hmm.

In her new collection, ‘Sincerity’, her last as laureate, she attacks some modern “problems”:
“With the evil twins of Trump and Brexit” she squawked courageously, “there was no way of not writing about that, it is just in the air”. The Brexit poem includes the words “arseholes”, “gatekeepers”, “chancers”, “tossers”, “bullshitters”, and “patriots” .

Sigh.

What a shame we hard-working plebs can’t do a difficult, authentic job like waxing twenty or so lines poetically, glugging free booze and quaffing venison pastries at poetry festivals, and earning a year’s salary for a fucking poetry competition. This hackneyed, holier-than-thou harridan only inspires me to put books DOWN. Why don’t you wipe the conscientious sweat from your priggish brow you carping, chronicling crone, stick your pencil up your ungrateful arse, and shit off.

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous