WEATHER WARNINGS

Let it be known that we are in the grip of an Arctic apocalypse. The nation is about to spontaneously combust due to the gonad freezing minus figures that we are currently experiencing. Who knew that the UK could get cold in winter? Why did nobody tell us this before? How has this shocker befallen us? We are, in all seriousness, doomed.

ARE WE FUCK.

If I see or hear one more fucking ‘YELLOW WARNING’ from the Met Office about snow and ice (yellow snow…..does this mean we need to fear piss covered snow?) I will be the one spontaneously combusting. Anyone would think that the concept of a cold, icy and snowy winter was a new one to us. It appears that after centuries of experiencing such climates, we have still not mastered the art of DEALING WITH IT and managing to still keep the country going without the whole transportation system going to fuck and every fucking school closing, as cold is simply not acceptable for the modern world’s little darlings to cope with.

It is sheer lunacy that every poxy year we are subjected to these doom merchants and their ‘second coming of the Ice Age’ warnings and predictions. The media is full of it today. Who needs a frivolous, trivial news story when we can read about Doris in Peckham getting her shopping basket stick in an inch of snow. Fucking madness.

It is a bit of snow and ice, for the sake of fuck.

CUNTS!!

Nominated by Nurse Cunty

An emergency nomination for Tulip Siddiq, just seen on Sky news whingeing about how ‘humiliated’ she felt when she came to parliament in a wheelchair, and how ‘family unfriendly’ parliament is, because of the long anti-social hours and the recesses don’t always coincide with school holidays.
So, remind us again, who chose to be an MP and to drop a sprog?
Also a nomination for the interviewer who didn’t challenger her bullshit.
Eff off.

Nominated by Mystic Maven

(It feels great having the old editor back)

Free Bleeding Movement
This is the practice of having the painters in and not wearing sanitary protection in public so everyone can see your massive blood stains through your clothes. Load of feminazi bollox though there is a female to male wannabe that did this free bleeding to show that boys can have periods too.

Boys can’t and never can have periods so fuck off and come back when you get a womb and some ovaries. The only reason the tranny can menstruate is because it is female.

There is only two genders. Hermaphroditism is a mix of the two in whatever proportion, not a third.

Nominated by Cuntologist

ROY HATTERSLEY

Perhaps like me you thought this demented old cunt had shuffled off this mortal coil years ago but no – the Jumbo Whiffy of politics of the last century has spluttered into life again:

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2019/jan/12/roy-hattersley-backs-second-brexit-vote-to-enfranchise-the-young

The silly old bastard could be heard on the radio news at noon, spitting down a BBC microphone to the extent it is probably now rusted beyond repair.

Mangledbum, Blair this arsewipe and his bum chum Kinnock are all old, stale and defunct, why the fuck do they think they have the right to lecture us in 2019. Go and fuck yourself Woy.

Nominated by W.C.Boggs

I know this might need to go into the Brexit thread, but I wondered if we could have a cunting for the lisping prick that is Roy Hattersley

The worse in life than his spitting image puppet cunt of a man, is the latest in a long line of ex fuc all’ers to jump on the second referendum band wagon.

But this spitting cunt of a man, deserves a cunting because, well, he is a cunt, fuck me is he.

Nominated by DryItchyCunt

OKAY so Blighty grinds to a halt in a liitle spot orf snow. Par for the course for this pathetic snowflake generation. Look up the winters orf 1947 or 1963 for a real freeze you cunts or will that scare diddums. Blighty kept going then and can keep going now. Just takes a little preparation before venturing oit. Preparation? Wassat?

What it is is taking precautions such as driving orn softer tyres (you let a spot orf air oit cunts) for better grip, a little servicing orf the battery and its connections to ensure a good spark and vitally stick a shovel (still use me old WW11 entrenching tool) with a bag orf sharp sand (the gritty stuff cunts) and some old school sacking or strips orf carpet in the boot. You put it under the driving wheels to obtain the traction you need cunts.

With that lot on board you can drive oit orf any dicey situation. Plus the other old tips such as keep a constant slow speed in second gear and if you have to break do it gently, pump and release, pump and release (known as sequential breaking, not sex for the over sixties). What your Satnav or InCar App don’t tell you that? Gertcha You Cunts.

Me old Bentley happily motored through all the ice Armageddons previously mentioned, is getting orn famously with present powder snow despite running orn ex WW11 crossply tyres (bought a stock in at the end orf that show). Have some chicken wire snow chains just in case.

“Follow me, lads! I’ll get you oit!!”

Only advantage Yours truly has over you callow cunts (apart from being Yours Truly) is me old motor has superb groinde clearance so unlikely to bottom oit in unexpected deep snow and an ace column mounted pre-selector gear shift (look that up yourselves cunts) with plenty orf low gears.

“Fuck Orf! I’m finishing me single marlt.”

Orn distaff side the old leather and horsehair upholstery freezes me arse orf but is excellent for me piles and the ferocious turbo blower heater just aboit keeps up with the icy draught coming in through the holes in me floor. Compassion for the cunts caught oit in it? All coming together in Blighty’s finest hour? Fuck orf and freeze your tits orf you cunts.

Nominated by Sir Limply Stoke

PS
Might add that YT always travels with a fully stocked drinks cabinet (lovely original walnut veneer built in jobbie). Thus if the worst does come to the worst there is always the option orf getting totally pissed.