BBC Music

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A cunting please for BBC Music.

An excellent series for people with wide ranging musical tastes. Have never seen rap given any recognition on it so what’s not to like?

Well, I have just watched a very good programme on Woody Guthrie. Fuck, Billy Bragg was on it and I didn’t want to punch his lights out.

However, however.
It turns out Woody lived in an apartment owned by Trump senior, by all accounts a cunt. Trump senior discouraged blacks. So some cunt says: ‘Trump senior didn’t want blacks in his properties and Trump junior makes ‘African Americans’ insecure in his country’

What the fuck? Trump may be a cunt but I haven’t seen evidence that this is aimed at ‘African Americans’. He seems to be an even handed cunt.

Perhaps the BBC should leave thoughtful music programmes to some less biased organisation.

Nominated by Cuntstable Cuntbubble

Scotland’s Currency

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Scotland’s Currency
Those gurning airheads in the SNP are at it again. It seems that hard-liners want to set up a separate Scottish currency rapidly following independence, but First Muppet Nicola Sturgeon came under pressure at the party’s conference after economist Richard Marsh stated that people’s savings, investments and pensions would be damaged by such a plan.
Delegates therefore voted to set up a separate currency ‘as soon as practicable’, rather than within the first five years. Wee Jimmy Krankie added that Scotland would use the pound ‘until concerns are not there’. A classic political fudge then, which offers little real clarity and leaves everyone to wonder just what the fuck ‘until concerns are not there’ actually means in practice.
When quizzed about Scotland joining the Euro, Wee Jimmy offered the following by way of further enlightenment; ‘I am not personally in favour of joining the Euro. I can’t see into the future but that is not the position I think we will see in the foreseeable future’. Right…
Well thanks for clearing that up, Wee Jimmy. Concerned Scots can now sleep peacefully in their beds, knowing that the matter’s in your capable hands. Awa an bile yer fackin heid.

Nominated by Ron Knee

Chuggers.

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Lord Cuntony

 

What is there to like about these annoying, inane bastards? Absolutely fuck all.

When there’s a massive 360 degree space around one gormless, clipboard-clutching oxygen thief in the centre of town, sporting a raincoat and a cheesy (very punchable) grin, you know there’s it’s a fucking chugging reprobate ready to pounce.
“Hi, how are you? Don’t be shy! Can I talk to you for a moment about the poor children in Somalia?”
“Err, how about you go fuck yourself. You’re not doing it help the little future martyr Malteaser babies, you’re basically a sales person, in it for the money. The virtue signalling perk of (not really) helping the hopeless inhabitants of the third-world that comes with the job is a bonus so you can brag to your mates on Facebook about what a humanitarian you are.”

Fuck off.

Nominated by Lord Cuntony

Pandering To Muslim Sensibilities.

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I’ve just read that the FA is to abandon the tradition of Champagne being presented to Cup Final winners. This is to respect the beliefs of followers of a certain tolerant,Peaceful religion.

Fucks Sake. has there ever been a minority group which has commanded such “respect”? Schools can’t serve pork at meal-times,children can’t be taught about The Gayness, the Cross of St. George isn’t welcomed at public gatherings,off-licences are discouraged in certain areas, Peaceful workers must have special provisions made to cater for their religious requirements, terrorists and abusers are not identified as Muslim….

Now, I blame the Muslims for their arrogance,but even more I blame the people who are so terrified of causing offence to the Peaceful religion that they are prepared to bow down and kiss the arse of any chippy camel-jockey who finds some aspect of his host country unpalatable.

It’s about time that it was explained to them that The United Kingdom is not (yet) their country. It is not for us to accommodate their every whim,it is for them to either integrate and accept our ways if they want to live here or….Fuck Off.

Nominated by Dick Fiddler

“Not A Problem”

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“…blah blah, nah-ah prob-lerm, blah blah…”

‘Not A Problem’
When the weather’s reasonable I like to take a long walk through the park, then pop into my local café for a coffee. The pleasure of this has been heightened of late by the appearance of a new waitress, an exceptionally nubile young woman who’s in possession of a mesmerisingly stunning décolletage. It’s wonderful to behold and an attraction which splendidly augments the establishment’s excellent coffee. What’s not to like?
Well, this marvellously endowed babe has an annoying habit. She responds to every comment with the teeth-grindingly irritating ‘not a problem’; viz,

Her; ‘Hi what can I get you?’ (‘get you?’; we’re off to a bad start!)
Me; ‘A cappuccino and a croissant, please’.
Her; ‘Not a problem. Do you want butter and jam?’
Me; ‘Just jam’
Her; ‘Not a problem. Would you like our choca mocca micka macka blend? No?
Not a problem’ (etc etc)

Just why the fuck would any of this ‘be a problem’ in the first place? Beats me. Her persistence with this verbal tic is bad enough. What makes it worse is her bimboesque Estuary chav delivery, complete with glottal stop; ‘nah-ah prob-lerm’.
Now I’d happily endure this mutilation of the language (and in addition offer a considerable financial inducement) in return for the bliss of laying my hands on those awesome assets for a while, lascivious old dog that I am. Sadly such joy exists purely in the parallel universe of the mind as far as I’m concerned. I’m left with the worst of both worlds then; forced to linger over my cold coffee with my tongue hanging out while she chants her litany to customers. ‘Nah-ah prob-lerm, nah-ah prob-lerm’.
Not a problem, my arse. My palms are sweating, and a cunt is what it is.

Nominated by Ron Knee