I’d like to cunt Gastropubs.

What the fuck is a “gastropub”? All I need from a boozer, food wise, is decent portions of home made grub, standard stuff like pie and chips, fish and chips maybe liver and onions, that sort of stuff. And proper beer, kept well. I do not want a vegetable made into a main meal with a drizzle of nastiness squeezed out of the chefs acne and smeared on the plate.

Also, what the fuck is a plate? I’ll tell you what it is, it’s summat to serve bloody food on. I fucking hate being served on a slate, plank of wood or virgin’s belly…it’s just wrong. Fuck off you cunts.

Whilst I’m on one, a pie has a bottom and top crust. There’s no place for puff pastry tops on a bowl of stewed meat…that is not a fucking pie, you arseholes. In fact, puff pasty shouldn’t be anywhere near a pie. Shortcrust or suet pastry only.

Nominated by Bertram Cuntatious DCO

Michael Mansfield – what an idiot. On the day when you thought that the legal system couldn’t be more out of touch with reality, along comes a top QC to prove you wrong.

Mansfield says that we need to make meat eating illegal so we can save the planet. Well, the best way to save the planet is for people to stop breeding.

Mind you, if we all stop eating meat the resulting famine could well have the same effect.

This pronouncement is so ridiculous I can only assume that Mansfield is angling for a seat at the Supreme Court…

Nominated by Dioclese

Renewing Wedding Vows is for cunts, isn’t it.

“O heaven, the vanity of wretched fools”
~Shakespeare~

What is this embarrassingly vain cuntfest and who are these nuptial junkies? Well…
Beyoncé and Jay-Zed.
Celine Dion and a wealthy millionaire whose name she doesn’t remember
The Osbournes
Rod Stewart and some bird.
The Beckhams
…etc.

Ohh, lambkins! Has it been a few years since you had some attention? Does your soshul meedja page require fresh pictures? Do you need some glossy magazine cash to refurbish your kitchen? What’s the point of a promise if you have to refresh it every few years? These narcissistic serpents have traded dignity for popularity. They’d eat off a sewer floor for a piece of publicity.

Fuck these miserable saps in their plastic, loveless marriages.

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous

Michael Owen is a cunt….

We all know what a cunt Beckham can be, but this from ‘Saint Michael’ is taking the piss:

“Did he (Beckham) deserve the abuse he got from the press afterwards? Certainly not. What human being needs to see his or her effigy being burned? But David let us down, and I still hold some resentment about it today.”

Fuck off, Owen… You’re not even English, you Welsh midget.

Nominated by Norman

This dull as fuck cunt has recently published his (ghost written) autobiography and is giving out about a bunch of things that happened. Waaah, Newcastle fans made a mean chant about me so I decided not to care. Waaah, I crocked myself repeatedly and ended up playing for Stoke City.

Fuck off, you utter cunt. Also he doesn’t understand why people watch TV/films or read books. What an utterly exciting bloke to be around you must be.

Nominated by Lazybiscuits

A non-eco-fuelled, high-flow and decidely high-powered cunting for one Greta Thunberg, por favor admin.

Whilst cunting someone at the age of 16 is normally not my bag (family members of course notwithstanding), this spoilt and entitled sock puppet of a little shit deserves to recognised for her unfathomable, borderline limitless potential to be one of the world’s all-time greatest cunts – Blair and Corbyn are, for the first time, looking at some stiff Hall-of-Famer competition from this Swedish shitbag.

Not content with being the (autistic) face of ‘saving the planet’, this nightmarish mannequin, undoubtedly fronting for some behind-the-scenes puppet master cunts, has now doubled down on her spoiled brat credentials; at the recent United Nations Summit, screeching in the classic millenial style to the world’s journalists that we, collectively, have failed the planet and “stolen her dreams and childhood”.

Would that be the very childhood currently spent touring the world – and racking up the CO2 air miles in the process now that her fabled seafaring crew have all returned home – whilst being waited on hand and foot with excessively fawning liberal privilege? This extra from Children of the Corn is taking her cue from all the similar democratic banshees like Alexandria Ocasio-Cuntez, as well as sharing the same doom-mongering, hypocritical take on the ever-vague and ever-changing global warming ‘crisis’.

Footage also has been doing the rounds of her bitter expression when Donald Trump walked out and ‘upstaged’ her later at the summit. I mean, what right does a mere president of the United States have to be considered more important than some wailing, lecturing Swedish teenager?

16 years old and already marked for supreme cunthood. If this is the youth Sweden is producing to combat the chronic enrichment of their land, then we might as well declare that nation well and truly conquered under Sharia rule now.

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back