A quick cunting for that fuckwit Ashworth, who has made himself look a total, prize-worthy cunt.

He spoke the truth on that recording. He knew it, we knew it, the Marx Twins knew it, yet he still came out with the “It’s just banter” shite. He’d have been better off sticking to his guns, saying, “Wait and see, motherfuckers” to The Labour Party and positioning himself for a place in the free-for-all that is about to develop in the London Kremlin.

So RIP hopeless, commie policies. Jezza has managed to set the socialists back fifty years, the fucking clown.

Nominated by The Stained Gusset

God, I’ve only had my two bottles of wine and am totally physically and emotionally wrecked.

I can hear the wind in the trees outside…as Tithonus I feel ‘at the quiet limit of the world’, not a soul stirring…I could be the only human alive….so desolate here in the night….these are the kind of thoughts/feelings I have hungover.

Beer Fear is right. Fear of what is going to happen to me, my end. Terrible fear. Not as bad as it was because in my younger days I would drink the next day to avoid it, then the next until I finally had to face it. They were the very worst. Now it’s getting late and I’ve got to endure horrible dreams of vicious dogs snarling in my face. Or trapped in a orgy of limbs from which I cannot escape. Like a film it is. Scene after scene. Till the morning.

Must be like DTs. But I’ve only had two bottles of  9% wine! I must be a delicate creature. And to think Mrs P drank the same plus two bottles of Lambrini and has been up and dancing about all day.

Nominated by Miles Plastic

I’ve become depressed at the future of Britain and our once great ex-colonies.

The direction is increasingly sick, twisted, perverse and self-destructive. It’s influence is creating humans that are confused, weak, stupid, and unreasonable. I’m in too late a stage of life to move and create a life somewhere more sane, plus need the NHS, but am more thoroughly determined than ever not to watch, listen to, or read anything made after 1999. The new century has been nothing but a fucked-up cultural disaster and please let me live in a bubble where the last 20 years never happened. I now sympathise with the elderly who seemed to be stuck in some kind of time warp. Of course they fucking were, because they were disgusted at humanities so-called progress.

I’m raising the white flag, stop the world I’m getting off.

Nominated by ShaggawotZ

I would like to nominate these irritating bastards, which are doing my frazzled nut in of late.

Every time you get on a website, the box from hell emerges out of the ether, asking you to ‘Please allow/accept cookies’ and a load of other blah, blah, blah shite about, ‘We value your privacy’ (my arsehole)

The only fucking cookies I would gladly accept are the type that come with big, fuck-off chunks of chocolate in them, accompanied by an equally big, fuck-off mug of tea, but if you fail to click on these cunts, they hang around like Queen Elton John on Hampstead Heath of a night, annoying your browsing experience.

Yes, I get that they legally have to ask to ‘collect my data’ (whatever the fuck that means) but for the sake of fuck, some of these pop-ups are like herpes…..you struggle to get rid of the bastards, even after clicking. Sometimes they actually breed, like Katie Price popping another one out of her expansive vag….Oh, look! there’s another one……

Fucking cunts.

Nominated by Nurse Cunty

Website Privacy Pop-ups…

Yes, I know this is a real shit nomination that would probably only appeal to the saddo techie heads out there (myself included). But I have to say ever since GDPR came out in May 2018 I am sick to death of these constant “We value your privacy” pop-ups whenever you visit a website in the UK. Doesn’t matter what site you visit, if its your first time you’ll get the pop-up which will give you one or two options either to accept or refuse cookies. Or if you’re lucky there maybe a third option where you can “manage” the cookies the site wants to dump on your device.

The only problem with this 3rd option is that you then have to wade through a lot more options including fairly meaningless things like “Information Storage and Access”, “Personalisation”, “Ad Selection, delivery and reporting” and “Measurement” to name but 4. But should you choose to care there’s a shitload more privacy options that you may want to switch off.

But let’s face it who the fuck has got the time or the inclination to constantly toggle options on every fucking site you visit? So you think “fuck this for a game of tiddlywinks” and just click the “Accept” option, from which point you’ll get weighed down with shitloads of ads and pop-ups when you finally get to the site you want to scope.

This wouldn’t be so bad on a PC or laptop, but on a smartphone or tablet the constant popups not only get in the way of what you’re trying to read/watch, but also slows down your bandwidth as well as eat into your data management if you’re unlucky enough to be on a metered contract.

So you have a choice: spend ages switching all the options off in order to value your privacy; or think “fuck the consequences” and just accept everything and forever be fucked with spam, ads, pop-ups and possibly viruses and malware.

Nominated by Technocunt