I nominate hairdressers/barbers…
No, I don’t want to tell you what I’m getting up to this weekend. Please stop asking me about what I do for a living. Will you stop moving my fucking head around like a rag doll please? Why the fuck are you shaving my neck with a dry, disposable razor?
Enduring the painful small talk, being slung about like a speed bag for a price of £20 and all for a shite, poofy haircut.
Cunts.
Nominated by Hand 2 Gland
A good cunting, and one that I had to endure many years ago with one particular barber who didn’t know when to STFU!
I really am not one for small talk in public at the best of times, but having to go through 40 minutes of this shit while have a short, back and sides was like nails down a blackboard.
However, over the last 10 years I had a new barber who basically asked one question right from the off “Do you like small talk?” I was quite surprised when he said this, but he was being honest and upfront because he knew as well as his customers that small talk was always hard work while he did his thing.
So when I replied with a “no thanks” he just cut my hair, and only asked hair-related questions. It did feel a little awkward spending 30 odd minutes barely speaking to each other, but I got used to it, and I gave him a larger than usual tip.
Pity other cunts can’t do the same and be upfront before they start jibbing on.
12
I never understood this business about tipping the hairdresser. They get paid to cut your hair. Or are you seeing a lady barber and getting a happy ending?
8
If its going to be a regular barber its best to keep him (or her) sweet for future visits.
They’ve got the power quite literally hanging over your head: piss them off and they might just do something you won’t notice straight away, but will make you look like a dick later on when someone else notices.
7
30 or 40 minutes to get your hair cut? What are you, a woolly mammoth?
12
Well it sometimes includes a good wash, rinse and blow dry before cutting.
3
He’s an Elephant now
2
Stop showing off because you’ve still got hair
14
Years since i visited the barber.
Used to like it as a young bloke, when my nut didnt resemble a pub carpet and i had a full head of hair.
Once a month, a Friday morning, always used same barber, NEVER let a young new face pick up the scissors, hes training and will fuck it up!
Always tip, it’ll pay off.
Remember when my Barber told me i was starting to go bald,
Fuckin gutted! Haha😀
9
I’m lucky in that I still have a full head of hair at 56, although it is more or less all grey now, which doesn’t bother me at all, and I wouldn’t try those hair dye lotions like Grecian 2000 just to look a few years younger. Fuck all that vanity shit!
It is just those dicks who are almost completely bald on top and insist on the “6 strand combover”, who quickly need to realise they’d be better off being completely bald because these days no one really gives a shit
7
The Arthur Scargill look, cunt!
Tried that Grecian 2000 once and ended up looking like a 2000 year old Greek ffs.
5
Once saw a Mousey little auctioneers assistant with a brylcream combover helping out on a blustery day. During the actual bidding the wind got under it and it rose and fell rhythmically like a model airfoil to the great amusement of the crowd.
5
£20 for a fucking haircut? You soft southern shite.
13
Hehhe, only just read that!
Fuck me, £20?
Id have to have hair like Diana Ross to pay £20.
Get some clippers save a fortune.
8
Fucking hell there’s some cunts on here tighter than the cunt on St Greta of Icebergs!
Just be glad you’re not a woman. The number of times my missus has come home and said “Well?” And I say “Well what!?”
Then she ramps it up a little bit by saying “WELL!!??”
“What?”
“My hair! Look at my hair! What do you think?”
“Umm, have you washed it?” Wrong answer, and then I get the cold fucking shoulder for the rest of the day.
And even when I do notice and say something like “It suits you my darling. You look very nice!”
“Thanks! It only cost £85!”
That’s when I keel over and call for a fucking ambulance!
£85 for what? (But I don’t dare say that to her!)
12
Morning Techno!
Your not on your own showing cowardice with the missus and her barely noticable haircut.
Im the same, but its a small price to pay for a quiet life, as you know they can make life hard if you upset them.
My missus works at a college where they have a hairdressers course so not as expensive as it used to be.
5
Is anyone else’s missus going for the progressively shorter haircut each time; it started with “I’m too old now for long hair” and a shoulder-length feathered number; now every time it seems to be getting a little bit shorter each time…..shaved up the neck now for a couple of inches….. Is she trying to tell me something MNC??? Does she secretly want to drink from the furry cup – will it be a full-on Sinead O’Nutbag before long??
10
Not sure mate, but no matter what just agree with her, say it really suits her even if she looks like shes just got out of Belsen!
Thats what i do, ‘oh yeah! Looks great!
It makes them happy, gives you a quiet life, no harm done👍
Not lying if it cheers them up!😀
6
Yup, white lies are OK and necessary on toddlers and wives!
2
Belsen diet wouldn’t be a bad thing in honesty – get a couple of fucking stone off…..
5
Morning MNC. I bought some clippers, after the first three uses, it was profit all the way.
You just have to make sure the battery is fully charged.
Or you go to bed with half a haircut, like I did a couple of weeks ago.
Twenty quid ???????
Fuck that.
10
Morning Jack,
Yeah they take a bit of getting used to eh? First few times i looked like a badly peeled spud, but sussed it now!
No more sat being quizzed where im going on my holidays, what im doing at the weekend etc.
Hey, watched The Joker last night!
Really good!👍👍👍👍👍
6
Yes, it’s one of those rarities, a modern film that’s actually worth watching.
3
Agreed both. Normally I can take or leave the superhero shite (you know, cos I’m an adult sort of) but Joker is actually a serious, proper film; I can see the comparisons to Taxi Driver and King of Comedy but it stands as its own thing (sorry, film cricket in me is coming out). Another one that the soy types wanted to fail badly as it apparently enables white men – whatever the fuck that means – and lo and behold, smash fucking hit!! Brilliant
5
The Joker and once upon a time in Hollywood.
My mate gave me both to watch, enjoyed both!
Liked the bit where Murray gets it!
Heehee bet Donny Trump rewinds that bit😀
6
I actually liked the use of Gary Glitter’s Rock and Roll Part II for the bit where Arthur goes full Joker; another thing that sent the PC mob mental!!! (Not that I’m advocating old Paul’s “hobbies” obviously – what’s Gary Glitter’s favourite chord – A minor…….)
4
Gary Glitter has said that he’s a little more optimistic about his future are hearing about his probable release dates….
Michael aged 9 and Susan aged 11….
7
When me and the missus were at the pictures watching Joker, she played fuck with me for grabbing her hand and holding it up and shouting Heeeeey !!! when the GG bit came on.
I’m proud to say that I got the timing just right.
Good morning.
7
First thing I did after BBC banned Gary Glitter was go out and buy a bunch of his singles and albums. Total: £3, from St Elizabeth Hospice cheeradee shop.
PS: Anna Sourpuss on the radio just now: “John Bercow not getting a peerage is a disgrace!”
11
Ah….. half a haircut. The Phil Oakey look is clearly back in fashion.
4
Joker wasn’t bad, but Once Upon A Time in Hollywood and the Irishman were superb, well worth a watch..
As for haircuts, short back and sides with a fade for me, a snip (if you pardon the pun) at £8 + tip
1
Bought myself some 20 years ago, not been for a haircut since. 10 minute tuppenny all off once every 6 or 8 weeks and job done.
5
You could always let the wife do it and end up looking like a special case dementia patient.
2
That was my look when I first started but I think I’ve cracked it now.
1
Fuck me £20 for a haircut. Was it done by a troupe of Thai ladyboys and followed by a quick one off the wrist? Silly cunt, £9 where I go, as a good citizen I pop her a tenner, as you do.
5
I go to a local salon where you can pop in, no appointment needed. Always have the same bird about mid thirties with fucking great big tits and lush fake cocksucking lips. Stare at her in the mirror chatting shit for 5 mins while she gives me a 0.5mm all over then home for a wank. All for £6.
14
Had my haircut on two occasions by women (there being no other option at the time) and hated it, not to mention the resultant ineptitude, it will never happen again.
I enjoy my trips to the barber and the conversation that goes with it, usually very sexist and non PC being a bonus, apart from the one occasion some female social worker came in with some refugee for a cut showing him the local services,, their very presence caused an awkward silence because the barber and I couldn’t think of anything to say to each other without no doubt causing the inevitable meltdown of the social workers sensibilities
2
I haven’t braved the barber’s or had my hair cut for over 3 years. I look like Mrs Cratchit’s worst nightmare.
5
I like the no-speaky-English Turkish barbers who do a grand job and no conversation.
4
These cunts seem to be evrywhere. There’s two in the shopping area up the road from us. How the fuck do they all get into the country?
Is it the dream of every Turkish adolescent to become a barber or something?
2
Male pattern baldness fucked me over at 17, couldn’t fucking care less; £20 pair of clippers lasts me 5 years or more. When I did visit the barbers though it was always to a woman, can’t beat a matronly milf type swinging their knockers an inch from your face and mashing them into your shoulders, lovely
13
They do say too much wanking makes your hair fall out!
5
Can’t argue with that TC. Eyesight’s holding up though!
BTW is that avatar from Blade Runner 2049??
4
Yes, my avatar is from BR2049.
I still haven’t made my mind up about the quality of this film. I know that when I watched the original way back in 82/3 I hated it because it was slow and boring, with only the visuals saving it.
But over the years (along with the various re-releases), I have come to regard the original as a cult classic.
Ironically I have the same initial feelings for BR2049 – long, slow, turgid etc. But perhaps in time (and maybe the odd re-release) I may grow to love it.
5
Funnily enough watched the original yesterday (just to see what it looks like on new telly), same for me. Watched 2049 when it first came out, liked it even though it could easily lose an hour without much bother…. been meaning to watch again just to make sure. Certainly looks amazing
2
I watched about 45 minutes of the original a few days ago and deleted it, it was really dull.
3
You’re not wrong there CTC.
The whole point of the apron draped over you is to conceal / discreetly wipe off the resultant splooge!
4
Thankfully I was blessed with premature baldness, last time I went to a barbers I wasn’t old enough to drink.
4
Some weird terminology on here today!
The hairdressers
The salon
Its barbers lads!
Anyway is there a mens boutique round here? Need new slacks….
4
When I used to be a barber I once got a call to visit Kensington Palace to cut Prince Charles hair.
When I arrived at the gate a security guard asked, “What is the purpose of your visit..?”
“To do Charles’s hair.”
“Are you expected..?” He asked.
“Yes I am.”
“Have you got a permit..?”
“No, just a short back and sides”….
9
For years I used clippers and had the same No4 all over, but I could never do the back, so the trouble and strife had to do it. So, it back to the barbers for me, mostly fit women work there, and it’s one of the few local that isn’t fucking Turkish.
5
The place I go to has women hairdressers, and I always book the same one, and get my hair washed before the cut. The good news is that she’s got a fabulous pair which she can’t help but shove in your face while she’s doing the biz. The bad news is that she’s shit at the haircut bit, and the wife has to tidy it up. She keeps asking me why I go back there.
4
Last time I went to the barbers was the last straw for me. ( I’ve been using clippers ever since ) it was a place I hadn’t been before and as I got one foot through the door I had second thoughts because It reeked of cigarette smoke and I could here a man and woman rowing in another room. Anyway it was some old fucker who did my hair and everything was ok apart from noticing a trembling in his hand, and the fact that he stank of booze and cigarettes , all of a sudden he stopped cutting my hair on the top with the scissors picked up the clippers and whipped off one of my sideboards . I said bloody hell mate , think Im growing them for fun . oh I’m sorry mate just trying to neaten it all up ? Cunt . The daft fucker hadn’t just cut it level though, the hairline was at 30 degree upward slope so I looked like a fucking paedo cunt. Then he had to cut the other one off of course so I could look like a twat from all angles. After the massacre was complete I almost said you might aswell have shoved a dildo in my mouth aswell cause you’ve made me look a right cunt !
13
Once in the barbers, having my hair cut, and out of nowhere he just ran the clippers over my eyebrow!
Hit the fuckin roof!
“Whats the fuckin idea? What the fuck you do that for?”
He went bit red n sheepish said my eyebrows were bushy.
Looked like fuckin Liza Minelli or summat an Liam Gallagher on the other side!😀
Never did it again, as always said before i sat down “leave my eyebrows alone!”
3
Getting down wiv da yoot Miserable, eyebrow cuts/slits beloved of rappers, z-list celebs and other assorted wankers.
3
Yeah! The cunt must of been tripping.
Few weeks with mismatched eyebrows . didnt tip that time!
1
You will have to ask about Fiddlers exclusive gentleman’s grooming parlour and ask if he will recommend you as a guest.
2
Dont beleive the hype LL,
Know for a fact Dick cuts his own hair with a penknife in a tractor mirror.
Dont let him tell you different.
3
It sounds like the old bastard who did my last cut. During the small talk I mentioned I was thinking of going bald for charity. I have no idea what the fuck he heard but he went straight across the top of my head, right down to the wood and I had to have it all shaved off. I thought my wife, at the time, was going to have an aneurysm when I got home and the language she used when she phoned him up to complain was most unladylike.
6
$15 into a ticket machine for a young Chinese girl that doesn’t speak English beyond what haircut you want( or doesn’t want to), give her $5 tip before not to butcher me. Four times a year and never see the same one. Bliss.
3
Why are you paying a ticket machine? Are you living in Asia?
2
I assume the owners of the shop don’t trust the workers not to pocket the money. They’re increasingly common in Oz.
1
The ticket machine in Melbourne is $10. Fast in/out never a queue minor small talk only where you from? Mainly Malaysia or various Chinese provinces, and you get a shoulder squeeze if you arks.
2
Is that haircuts with benefits? I could be persuaded…
I think it may be…………
https://www.facebook.com/pg/BarberBabesBrisbane/photos/?ref=page_internal
3
Nice……
0
I hate having my dwindling grey strands cut. I had s strange experience last year when I tried a new place, all cash, all foreigners. The Romanian girl cutting kept gibbering to another who translated what she’d said. ‘Glsk bolsk Bucharest borsch’ – ‘she ask if you want how short?’ Fucking tedious. It all ended with her lighting this little ball on the end of some twine and swinging it into my ears to burn my ear hair. What a fucking performance. Couldn’t pay quickly enough to leave.
5
I spent over 20 years with a 0 grade crew cut, very easy to do, very easy to maintain and I have to say doing your scalp with a nail brush in a hot shower is a pleasant feeling.
However apart from the odd one where I ended up with antenna (a few long hairs that stick up and become the focus of anyone you are talking too) they were pretty satisfactory normally done by a mate or someone else who needed a head shave.
One does stick in my memory though, I did a quick butcher on one bloke and he returned the favor in a stylistic manner.
The shave took a lot longer than normal and involved a lot of fucking around, he managed to shave flat areas 2″ wide round both ears, the effect is hard to explain but unlike the standard pudding bowl hair cut, it looked as if he had used my tank helmet as a template.
https://picclick.co.uk/British-Army-AFV-Crew-CVC-Helmet-Tank-323842030022.html
when dismounted it looked as if some cunt had put glue on my headset and I had ripped all the hair out getting it off, Now that was a prize cunty hair cut, but free.
3
I hated getting my hair cut when I was a child. I do remember the lady with the big boobies giving me a lollipop afterwards, though. 🙂
3
All I remember is being sat on a plank laid across the armrests so he didn’t have to bend down.
3
I don’t have the problem of making small talk ‘chit-chat’ with my barber.
He is Kurdish (pretending to be an esteemed Turkish barber from Istanbul of course) meaning his command on English is limited to ‘Thankyou-please’ and ‘fiffff-teen-pond-please’ (£15)
I wouldn’t call him a cunt as I admire his graft and wanting to work and pay UK Tax.
I do on the other hand detest the stinking Labour Government of the late 90’s that allowed fuck loads of sponging undesirable peaceful worshippers free pass to these shores to pillage, rape and steal at their liberty.
Forever rot in Hell Blair and Brown you globalist Labour cunt slime and take the magic commie Grandpa with you.
6
I forget who the original quote came from but most apt:
“How would you like your hair cut”?
“In silence, punctuated by the gentle snip, snip, snip of scissors”
Got Wahl shears myself, saves a fortune and no need for small talk from f*cking idiots!
5
I’m a longhaired cunt without a ponytail, man bun or other fancy-nancy shit. There’s a bit of grey but overall it’s the same ratty shade. Not sure how this come about. The old boy went bald after military service, but he was interned in PNG during the ’40s before being liberated by the Seppos, God love ’em.
1
Really annoyed me once was the management at a bit more upmarket barbers where I used to go. Nice young trainee lad shaving my head, used to talk about football with him. Manager comes trotting over to him “stop talking about football, and also, you didn’t ask the customer how his days been when he sat down”. What a fucking cunt. Never went again and the lad left soon after. Now go to the Turkish barbers, £5, only things they say is “hello”, “thanks” and “goodbye”. Beautiful.
2
Gentlemen Cunters, be thankful you are not female. My hair – colour, cut and blow dry – costs fucking 90 quid every 6-8 weeks.
My hairdresser is lovely, but I do get the small talk as per with all hairdressers:
“How’s business?”
” Any holiday plans yet?”
“So, any news on the romantic front?”
My answers are usually the following:
” Shite, as per.”
” Not unless I rob a bank.”
“Fuck all. I plan to join a nunnery next week.”
I actually feel sorry for HER as it must be so bloody tedious to make the same small talk with every client and then have to listen to them boring the arse off of you. I babble on so much I am sure she is rolling her eyes behind me, poor cow.
5
I don’t envy you NC, £7 every six weeks and after pleasantries, a dignified stony silence for the ten minute duration.
2
More an issue finding a barber who can actual cut hair. How many more Turk or Kurd barbers does a High St need? They’re in abundance up there with fast food restaurants & charity shops in the cesspit which is London/Greater London. Don’t get me wrong new comers to these shores have always set up as barbers as it’s relatively easy to set up shop then all you need is a pair of scissors, mostly Italians and Greeks once upon a time. Now these fresh faced fucks, some obviously just disembarked off a rubber dinghy are in a town near YOU butchering some poor cunts barnet! I refuse to use the cunts and advise others likewise, I would walk one hundred miles to get my hair cut elsewhere.
3
I remember having bad experiences at the hairdresser’s. One time I went and they got all pissed off as I didn’t make an appointment but didn’t bother to mention it. A Turkish place tried to set fire to my ears and overcharge me. Another place in Manchester tried to overcharge me. As a child I remember a barber who cut my ears and a belligerent old man who held a razor to my face – glad I didn’t end up in a pie.
3
Barber, “How would you like it cut, Sir?”
Me, “preferably in silence.”
2