I’ve been meaning to do this nomination for quite some time, and now I’ve finally got around to it. Walts are cunts.
For those who don’t know, a Walt is someone who pretends to be either serving military or a veteran without ever having served. It’s short for Walter Mitty. Some of them go as far as buying medals and regimental blazers, which they turn up to Remembrance Day parades wearing. Some of the more malicious ones pretend to be collecting for a military charity, often some bullshit one that they’ve made up. I find these cunts as offensive as SJW’s find normal people. More, actually.
A good example of this was the cunt who came into a pub that my wife and I were having lunch in, along with some old Army friends, a couple of years ago. He was pretending to be a Royal Marine, dressed in the current MTP (multi terrain pattern) uniform, with a 2 Lt’s rank tab. He was collecting money for a Marine charity that he’d made up. Straight away, my friends and I could tell that he was Walt. He was wearing Velcro Royal Marines Commando shoulder flashes just above his elbow. The clue is in the name, SHOULDER flashes. Those things are worn with pride and no commando, Marine or Army, would ever make that mistake.
There were other details too. Most people don’t know this, and he clearly didn’t, but British military berets are designed to be shrunk and shaped. His hadn’t and looked like a fucking helicopter landing pad. Also, it was the wrong shade of green. The commando beret is Lovatt green, after Lord Lovatt, the first CO of the commandos. This prick was wearing a pale green beret. He didn’t look like your typical Rupert either. In fact, he looked like a junkie. And the look on his fucked up face when I and one of my friends told him that we’d actually been commandos was one of sheer panic. He told us that he was retired now, but had served 18 years. So my mate asked if he’d enlisted and then got a commission. He said that he’d gone in as an officer, which is complete bullshit. NOBODY serves that long without getting promoted. You either get promoted, or binned.
The biggest give away though, was the rosary tattooed on his right hand with the cross between his thumb and forefinger. It was obviously an old tattoo, and had he actually served, he would have known that tats below the wrist are verboten under military regulations. And I have yet to meet a serving Rupert who had a tattoo below the elbow.
We told him that we knew he wasn’t a genuine veteran, and probably hadn’t served a day in his life, at which point he became aggressive and started to make threats, which was pretty dumb considering five of our eight person group were real veterans.
I was quite happy to take it outside. Unfortunately the pub’s manager had seen what was happening, and that things were getting heated. He become concerned enough to call plod. They turned up and escorted the cunt out of the pub. I don’t know what compels people like this to pretend they’re something they’re not, and I don’t care. It’s wrong. It’s offensive to actual veterans and serving personnel. And if you’re one of these people, you’re an utter cunt!
Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw
