THE GUARDIAN

… yet a-fucking-gain!

Here’s a recent shreadline: ‘Looted Landmarks. How Notre-Dame, Big Ben and St Mark’s were stolen from the East.’

Turns out a lot of Western gothic architecture was influenced by what the Crusaders saw on their arabian Club 18-30 holidays (so called because they each clubbed to death eighteen to thirty people.)

Well, no shit! As the blokes selling bargain bling on Oxford Street used to say, ‘it’s all nicked!’ Is the Guardian now going to publish an article on how all those Saudi sky-scrapers are rip-offs of the first building of that kind, the Flat Iron building in New York?

Are they fuck!

Are the Bubbles and the Eye-Ties going to kick up a stink about the American Senate with all its columns being so obviously Greco-Roman?

Are they fuck!

I wonder what would actually satisfy the rabidly right-on writer of this article? Converting all three of the named buildings into mosques? Dismantling them stone by stone and shipping them back to their supposed countries of origin?

If you’re all so damn concerned about correct memorialisation, journalists of the Guardian, you’ll be pleased to learn that I plan on carving each and every one of your deranged faces into my own personal Mount Cuntmore!

Nominated by Chimp Licker

Not content with being aggrandised to demi-god status by his fellow scum and simpletons soley for his bunging of small round things, were-walrus Warnie has launched a fragrance imaginatively called ‘SW23’.

In the ads he wears an expensive jacket and a flash watch, as if he were the summit of sophistication and not actually a sub-literate sex-pest monkey-man entirely made from spoiled pork products and crowned with a syrup crow-barred off the cranium of Princess Di’s spunk-swollen corpse.

Frankly, I’d sooner scent myself with WD40 than SW23, but I can’t help wondering what you cunters suppose his tinned stink smells like?

Nominated by: Chimp Licker

Exceptionally thick some might say. Not me. In fact the the thick redneck to me represents the ‘American genius’.

Just dislike that term ‘American Exceptionalism’. As though America is unique. As though the people are somehow unique. But crucially (to my argument) that it has a unique place in the world with a unique ROLE.

Reagan liked to quote Jefferson I think ‘we can make the world over again’. That is the dangerous idea behind American Exceptionalism. That America’s role is to make the whole world anew. As though by Providence the ‘new world’ is to make the old world anew.

You got that when Rumsfeld talked of ‘old Europe’.

The ‘neo-cons’ were/are all American Exceptionalists.

Going back to the Rednecks. What if the Confederacy had won? I think we would have had a more civilised, self contained America. Still largely rural, small town, free of all this ‘dynamic’ Capitalism. A quiet America. Not the one that swaggers in the ‘World Stage’.

The Quiet American comes to mind. Haldan Pyle the innocent that goes into foreign countries with the best of intentions and fuck things up.

Pause here.

Yes ‘Aunty Nan’ comes to mind. Married to the Mob in New York we now suspect. Fuck me it was like Liz Taylor coming over! Such glamour! In her slacks and fur coat (my mother looking faintly embarrassed in hers), loads and loads of shopping bags, boxes of presents, trips to London, money to burn it seemed. ‘Only in America’, ‘Everything’s big in America’.

But people die of Covid in America, millions on welfare, soup kitchens. Exceptional?
I am disillusioned with America. ‘The American Dream’ is a delusion as well. But that’s for another cunting.

Nominated by: Miles Plastic 

A garlic infested cunting please for this frog lardarse, an overweight old harridan who happens to be the Mayor of Calais. The complacent old trout has advised Boris to “calm” down in his desire to see the rubber boat fuckers removed from the English channel:

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/boris-johnson-migrant-boats-english-channel-calais-mayor-says-calm-down-a9670131.html

The idea of using our Navy to deter these parasites she regards as provocative. How typical of the piss and wind French. We have to solve our own problems because it is quite clear old cunts like this old bag will do nothing to help.

Nominated by: W.C.Boggs

I suppose that when your one claim to ‘celebrity’ status is that you’re famous for being famous, you live or die by the amount of publicity you can generate in order to stay in the public eye.
Over the years, there’s been no one more dedicated to the cause of self-publicity than our own dear Katie Price, but her latest effort is a bit of a horror show even by her own dubious standards.
Our Kate has recently been to Turkey for her umpteenth ‘cosmetic procedure’, this time to get herself another new set of piano key gnashers. Par for the course, you might think, except that this time her rabid lust for self-promotion has led to her releasing film of the event that does her no favours whatsoever. Some might go so far as to label the film as little short of nightmarish;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uv1xJzS3wsM

So is this pure narcissism, or just the actions of someone desperately trying to stay relevant? Well you tell me; why anyone whose fortune depends on the promotion of an outrageously ‘glamorous’ image would post pictures making herself look like the Bride of Dracula is beyond me.

What a sad twat.

Nominated by: Ron Knee

With further evidence presented by: Gutstick Japseye

This fucking Trollop is never out of the ‘news’, as she totters and fucks her way through her empty existence. If she’s not having custody battles with the fathers of her many offspring (except Harvey, I don’t think his scumbag father cares if he lives or dies), traffic violations, bankruptcies or even who she’s banging that week, the gutter press report every pathetic detail of her life, probably copied straight from her social media.

Of late she’s sunk to new lows. Poor Harvey was in hospital on deaths door, so while she had someone to look after him, she decided to have a quick holiday to Turkey, where twats like her go to have new tits, teeth and hair. Definitely mother of the year material.

Harvey survived, and to celebrate, she went back on holiday, not with him, obviously, but took some of her brood, and whoever she’s fucking that week. While on holiday, the stupid slag managed to break both ankles, and is now confined to a wheelchair. It’s the first time in years that her ankles have been that close together, as she is either being fucked, or pulling kids out of her.

Basically, I’m almost as sick of the sight of the duck faced plastic tart as I am of the fucking Markles.