There is an advert for Just Eat which shows a blinged up bleck pimp surrounded by ho’s.
What exactly did the Tristrams and Jemimas of whichever creative London agency have in mind?

Is the target audience the dimmer members of the chiggun demographic who set their sights above rap and architecture as aspiring pimps?

Do the ad agencies look at the other ads and think the UK population is now predominantly bleck?

Did Jemima and Tristram not realise that this stereotype is probably offensive to any decent blecks not taken in by BLM horseshit?

Would any fucker watching outside of the dimmer chiggun demographic want to identify with this repulsive pimp?

Perhaps they will come up with a cute little mannequin for Jam as their next brain wave.

Nominated by: Cuntstable Cuntbubble 

And seconded by: El Spazmo

A cunt of an idea. It’s a delivery service for idle, fat cunts that can’t be arsed going for their own junk food. What kind of fuckwit uses it? I can imagine James Corden is a regular customer.

Did somebody say just eat ?
No, they said just fuck off.

OK,  I am of an age where I associate EVs with milk floats. I was even a Saturday boy on a round (one of 3 jobs I did to earn pocket money (Cue, old Hovis TV ad music – Day Admin)) and we always had a mug of tea and a piece of cake waiting for at the nursing home (oooooh matron).

But it isn’t just that – I can’t see the logic in them. Economic? Not to buy. Even with a £2K subsidy they are darned expensive. Practical? Not if the battery (which is the size of D. Flabott’s backside) runs out leaving you stranded. Even if you reach a recharging station in time you’ll probably have to queue up and spend hours there. Range anxiety is still a real issue.  Eco-friendly? Manufacturing new cars involves massive resources. And how exactly are 30 million EVs supposed to plug into the national grid? If we all go electric how will the power plants cope?

I have an old petrol car which will take me anywhere at any time in the safe knowledge that I can refill within 5 minutes. There is no better form of personal transport. Don’t talk to me about bloody bikes – I live 10 miles from the nearest lamppost. Four wheels for me thank you.

I can see some sense in hybrids but they will also be banned from manufacture in 2035 won’t they? And they aren’t really that good when you consider that the petrol engine is lugging a huge battery around or vice versa. It’s like carrying a spare engine in the boot.

The internal combustion engine had a century of evolution and reached a very high standard of efficiency with much lower emissions and far greater economy than even 10 or 20 years ago. I think ditching it will be a shame and that EVs will struggle to be a viable alternative.

Now if we could only harness the hot air which emits from politician’s mouths (Caroline Lucas especially) then we would have a great new and inexhaustible form of energy.

Nominated by: Lord Helpuss 

James is not a cunt but he soon will be if his shitstack of a mother gets her way.

At the age of three his father filmed him saying he was a girl. “Who told you that?” he was asked . “Mummy” he replied.

Unsurprisingly the parents were divorced and given joint custody but the father has been fighting through the courts to stop his mental wife pumping the poor little cunt full of female hormones and having his bits cut off. Jesus fucking Christ!

The court, already referring to him by female pronouns, postponed the latest hearing until September, so James will be attending school wearing a dress and called “Luna”.

Fuck me sideways! I’d like to say “only in America” but this kind of lunacy (unintended pun) is happening all over the Western world. All because this mental bitch wanted a little girl.

What the fuck is going on?

(Additional Information for context – admin https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7611057/Judge-rules-James-Youngers-dad-say-transition.html )

Foremen and Women
An extra special cunting is due for the wife. Not only her, but all the other cunts over the years who act like they think I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing – in this case Decorating the Front Room. Shades of harry Enfield’s character who was an EXPERT in every fucking thing.
While perched perilously up a ladder trying to reach some corner of a very high ceiling, and this corner in between fucking false beams, she says ‘er, you know you’ve missed a bit?’. You think ‘for fucks sake go and do one’, but being a good boy, only reply ‘yes, I know, I’m trying to get to it’.
Or, because you are doing a very high ceiling, with false beams on it, paint ocassionally drips to a floor – which IS covered with all sorts of sheets. ‘You do know you’re dripping paint?’ she says. (Of course I fucking do you stupid bint – can’t you see I’m covered in the Magmolia Vinyl? – well, that’s what I want to say!) I do say, ‘really my sweet, I’ll try to make sure it gets cleaned up’.
Then there is the black paint around doors and stuff. Having done EVERY fucking door, window frame, patio door, bookshelves, she’ll venture in and say ‘Couldn’t we have another colour?’
When this has happened at least a dozen times AND your efforts have all been mentioned to friends and family and presumably total strangers as well on Whats-Up, Face-Ache or some other cunting app, you might suggest; ‘tell you what love-of-my-life, why don’t you make a list of things that you’ve noticed and I’ll attend to them (when I’ve finished performing trapeze acts!) when I’ve finished doing this – let’s call it a snagging list’. (I really wanted to say a fucking ‘nagging’ list!) She says, ‘Oh its OK, it isn’t important, I’m sure you’ll remember!’.
Thank fuck this is THE last time I’m doing this! Father Time is catching up inexorably, and I’m afraid if I do this for much longer I’ll end up killing myself by toppling off something – knowing my luck, it won’t be from 8ft up a wobbly ladder either, it’ll probably be a foot-stool, attending to one of those fucking SNAGS!

Nominated by Mickey C

Bette Middler is a cunt, isn’t she.

After Trump tweeted, “Fake news is the enemy of the people.” Middler, who promised she’d leave America if Trump was elected, replied, “Shut the fuck up. YOU are the enemy of the people. The news didn’t kill 153,000 people. YOU did.”

Is the botox sleeping into the ghastly old prune’s brain or is she not getting enough ‘Wind Beneath her chicken Wings’? This loudmouth orangutan thinks the deaths are caused not by a virus, but by Trump himself. Alas, Professor Muddler failed to further explain why there are deaths outside of America.

I have a vague memory of having to sit through a film starring Butt Middler on the promise of a girlfriend’s blowjob in the early 90s. Both film and subsequent noshing were horribly disappointing, the slurping certainly not worth sitting though a woeful melodrama starring this hysterical, ginger hippo.

Nominated by: Captain Magnanimous