A quick Le Cunting for the French counting system.

Who the fuck came up with all this nonsense!? I did a bit of Francais at school and I’m sure we’ve all picked up some over the years, everybody knows how to say “Please may I have two beers“ and “My cheese trousers are on the table”, but croist, can any self-respecting Englishman order 79 beers or 87 pairs of cheese trousers!? No, because their numbers are fucking retarded.

They literally have no separate words for seventy, or eighty, or even ninety for that matter.

Here’s an example of what might occur in a Francais maths class:

Teacher: “Ok, can anyone tell me what 60 plus 10 is?”
Little Louis: “Sixty-ten Madame!
Teacher: Bien joué Louis! Now, what’s 20 times 4?”
Little Louis: “Four-twenties.”
Teacher: Parfait! Last one. What’s 4 times 20 plus 10 plus 9?”
Little Louis: Four-twenties ten nine, Madame!
Teacher: Bravo Louis!

It’s no wonder we don’t get on with this lot is it?

Nominated by: Insignificunt 

An up their own arse cunting for the supposed ‘capital’ of clubbing and the pretentious arseholes who infest this overrated and glorified Spanish Blackpool.

Where to begin? The cunts who dance on the platforms in the clubs who don’t just dance, they do a special dance which involves a lot of thrusting their arms back and forth with a ‘look at me’ expression on their fizzogs.

The prices. €15 for a bottle of tap water. €50 just to get into the fucking place. Once in the place it’s then the competition of who can look like the worlds biggest cunt whilst actually thinking they look ‘cool’.

The music. Let’s be honest, 30 minutes of listening to it and it really starts to get right on my fucking tits. The resident ‘DJ’ on £30k a night. Eh????

The supposed best sunset in the world at the bar (I’ve forgotten its name) where it’s €5 just to take the top of a bottle of pop. Let’s be right, you could go to fucking Benidorm and get the same sunset.

As you’ve gathered, the place just fucks me off to my core. A more cliquey and snobby place in the World you won’t find. “Hast any Bisto?”…. “Fuck off you English cunt”.

Nominated by: Bob Frapples 

Jonathan Van Tam is the deputy chief medical officer and adviser to the British government on coronavirus, but I remember him for his character Pigsy in ‘Monkey’ back in the late 70s early 80s.

I’d race back from the chippy on a Friday with fish and chips for the family and settle down to watch him, monkey, and tripi Taker kung fu fight against various baddies.
He’s aged a bit but recognized him straight away.

He’s saying about moving to level 5 (?) And a lockdown.

I think its very noble of him as he won’t be able to go visit his family and sample traditional foods like bat soup and deep fried dog.

Hes a great man who doesn’t just get by due to his movie star looks like Chris Whitty.
So thanks Jonathan, and yes I want egg flied lice please.

Nominated by: Miserable Northern Cunt 

…and this late entry from Lord Cuntington

Jonathan Van Tam what monumentous cunt that bloke is.

Another one of those doom & gloom scientists like Chris not so Whitty and Vallance who loves telling everyone how bad the virus is, we should expect to wear masks and follow rules indefinitely.

The prospect of the vaccine ending the pandemic seems to terrify him as he’ll lose all his screen time and publicity.

It’s about time the likes of him and SAGE are fucked off and kicked into touch so we can ensure the stick they’ve got lodged up Boris Johnson’s arse is removed so he puts a stop to these wrist slittingly depressing rules.

Can’t even spell his fucking Christian name properly but repeatedly on the BBCunts whenever I inadvertently tune in.

Chippy, Welsh, faux serious, overpaid, cunt. Oh, and he’s a cunt as well, almost forgot.Cunt.

Nominated by: Kunte Kunty

A good cunting. I had the joy of sitting through a Bob Geldof presentation about 6 months after the vote. He droned on about Waterloo and how more soldiers died on that day in 1815 than the 1st July 1916 ( Somme ). Oh we’ve started a 3rd World War he moaned.

Listen you Remoaner cunts. No two democracies have ever gone to war with each other – it is democracy that keeps the peace not corruption in the EU. So fuck off.

As a footnote , about 1/3 of the audience got up and walked out including me after 15 minutes- shame he got a standing ovation when he walked on stage.

What a Cunt

Nominated by: Just a bloke